Make You Feel My Love
by ellenlovesellen
Summary: Derek Shepherd has been dragged all the way to New York to assist Harper Avery Award gala night. He knew Chief Grey would win; he just didn't know she had a daughter. A blonde, young, feisty, extremely annoying daughter...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! This is a new trip together; for who's reading Falling, don't worry: I'm not gonna leave it unfinished! I just had this idea... But you have to promise to be patient: chapters of this stories would be really longer than what I usually do but I promise I'll write as fast as possible!**

 **I want to thank Ire - CileSun92 - because she's a great B-reader; and Vero - merder32 - because she always inspires me to do better.**

 **Happy reading and let me know what you think!**

* * *

 _ **Make you feel my love**_

 **Chapter 1**

 _ **I've known it from the moment that we met,  
no doubt in my mind where you belong.**_

* * *

 **New York City, New York**

Fortunately, the zip of the red dress Meredith Grey had chosen to wear was on the side, so she was easily able to zip it up herself without disturbing her mother; she could hear her voice in the living room of their suite, repeating her speech for the Harper Avery Gala which would be starting in less than an hour. Meredith had helped her mother to collect her dirty blonde curls – so similar to hers – into a bun at the nape of her neck, told her to choose the blue trousers and jacket instead of the black one, and then came back in the bedroom to take care of her own.

She couldn't actually remember what it felt like to dress up, applying her make-up to bring up her green, sweet eyes with the eyeliner, or to color her plump lips. Not that she missed having her ankles killing her because of the high heels, of course. Simply, life at Dartmouth had been different. Completely different from her Boston routine, from the high school life she had been so used to, from all the parties with the upper class doctors her mother had to hang at, sometimes.

At Dartmouth, she just studied. She woke up, put on a sweater and jeans or yoga pants, took classes, had lunch, came back to her room and spent the afternoon and the night studying. She wanted to focus, because that was exactly what she needed: to be focused and driven.

After college she was going straight to med school - she was positive about this - and with Ellis Grey as a mother, she would probably need to work even harder. She didn't have friends, apart from a couple of chicks she sat with during classes. And then, there was Finn, of course. He was three years older than her (at least that's what she remembered) and wanted to be a vet with every fiber of his being. Obviously, he was completely obsessed with every kind of animal, and he was a vegetarian, too. Despite Meredith's love for red meat, he seemed to really have it bad for her, so she practically found him everywhere. _Everywhere._ After classes, outside her dorms. Always asking her out, always begging her to spend some time with him. She had agreed to a couple of dates in the past, and found herself involved in some French kisses while his hands had run in places she didn't want them to. She had turned down any other invitation that came along, but he might have gotten the wrong idea that they were together so he actually treated her as she were his girlfriend. Either way, she didn't have time for it. Or for him. Every spare energy she might have left from her studies was going to be spent in tequila.

She considered being Ellis Grey's daughter to be her greatest luck and her biggest issue since she was six years old. The pressure was sometimes impossible to handle and in the most difficult moments she had wished with everything she had to have been born in a different family. Except her mother was… _fantastic_. Intelligent, focused, brilliant, funny, a complete genius. She was totally smitten with her. Always had been, practically. And the feelings were mutual. At her workplace, Ellis never mentioned Meredith or their private life, with her friends she was always speaking extremely high about her daughter and how amazingly remarkable she was in every field of her life.

Speaking of pressure, exactly.

That year, Ellis had been nominated for the Harper Avery Award for her Laparoscopy Grey Method and there they were, in New York City. Meredith had flown all the way from Dartmouth with her suitcase full of cute dresses and high-heeled shoes to support her mother and her victory – because there was no chance that Ellis Grey couldn't win the prize. Not one. There was nothing between her mom and this great milestone for her career.

When she had started, Ellis Grey had been the only woman in her surgical program. Everyone had expected her to fall to the ground after the first long shift, but she was stronger than every man. Smarter than every man. She was a star, destined to shine. And Meredith was the proudest daughter alive. She was convinced she couldn't be half as good as her mother was.

That suit was everything but comfortable. He hated to wear suits. His dream outfit consisted in slacks, t-shirts and tennis shoes, but, of course, he couldn't wear them to a gala.

Watching with envy his best friends, Mark Sloan and Addison Montgomery, perfectly comfortable with their elegant outfits, Derek Shepherd adjusted his tie. The night was going to be an extremely long and boring affair, but he had been forced to come. Dr. Richard Webber had been clear: at least one of the resident had to go to show support to the Chief of Surgery. At least, Derek could sit with his friends.

The three of them had gone to Columbia together, but when Mark and Addison had accepted a place for their internship at Mount Sinai in New York, he had opted for Mass Gen in Boston. It was a long way from New York, but he had needed some sort of fresh start, and the Chief of Surgery was Ellis Grey. The great Ellis Grey. As in flesh and blood. So, he was a fifth year neuro resident at her hospital. He loved his work, his co-workers, and the city itself. It was the suit and the gala night he wasn't so fond of.

Listening distracted to Mark and Addison chatting pointlessly – and in the great need to distract his attention from their intertwined hands – he looked to the table where Richard Webber was sitting, his hand resting protectively on Ellis Grey's shoulder.

Everyone at Mass Gen knew about the two of them. They had an affair during their residency, in Seattle, probably, while they both had been married. Chief Grey had a daughter, too, or so he had heard through the grapevine. They had met again in Boston years later, and since his first day as an intern Derek had been told the two general surgeons were a couple – a great, famous, brilliant couple. Dr. Webber was totally in love with Dr. Grey, and…

Derek took a closer look. There was a woman, right next to Chief Grey. An extremely good looking woman, the split image of the older woman sitting next to her. Same blond hair, same fair complexion. Chief Grey was a beautiful woman, indeed. But this one was actually gorgeous. Big eyes, amazing body, enchanting smile… She was laughing, her hand gently posed on Webber's forearm, the other hand – small, elegant hand with long, bony fingers… - was holding her glass of white wine.

 _Wow._

"What are you watching so intently?" Mark asked, roughly pulling at his arm.

"Nothing," Derek replied quickly, diverting his gaze from the enchanting mermaid.

"He was watching that girl," Addison smirked, pointing to the mermaid, in fact. "I love her dress, I wish I would look so good in red."

"Addie, you look amazing even in those crappy pink scrubs you have to wear for the vagina squad," Mark commented.

Derek nodded, for once giving credit to his best friend. Addison Montgomery looked like a model, period. She was his best friend's girlfriend, of course, and she herself was one of his best friends, but that didn't mean he was blind. And anyway, no one couldn't not notice Addison, even just because she was really tall, with incredibly long legs and red hair.

"She'd make a nice lay," Mark added, coming back to the blonde girl and earning a slap from his girlfriend. "Hey!" he protested, stroking his head. "I meant for Shep!"

"No, she won't," Derek replied, annoyed. "I have a girlfriend."

"No, you don't."

"I do, too!"

"You sound like you're six," Addison mumbled but the boys didn't pay attention to her at all.

"Oh, you mean Rose?"

"Yeah. We're dating, we're exclusive, she's my girlfriend."

"Oh, please!" Make almost shouted, as Addison pouted slightly.

"You don't like her, uh?"

"Derek," Addison tried. She was way more diplomatic than Mark. "She doesn't seem very well suited for you."

"She's nice," Derek retorted, stubbornly.

"She's stupid!" Mark corrected. "She's a stupid nurse. You deserve better, Shep."

"Like the Chief's daughter?" he answered sarcastically, gazing at the blond mermaid once again.

"At least she looks like she would be good in bed. I'm sure Rose sucks."

"I don't talk about how my girlfriend's like in bed," Derek groaned.

"That's because she sucks. I've got no problem saying how Addie's in the sack, because she's great. And that Rose is stupid!"

"You're great," Addison rapidly attended, taking Derek's hand. "You're great, funny, caring, kind, and handsome. And she's just… She's…"

"She's a stupid, stupid animal!" Mark shouted again.

Luckily, any further attempt to discuss Derek's relationship with the nurse was interrupted by some big fancy doctor – Derek was sure he had never seen this man's face before – wearing a suit more expensive than his own apartment, announcing that the winner of the Harper Avery Award was going to be announced in a couple of minutes.

If he had come all the way from Seattle to support his Chief he might as well pay attention.

"You did it!" Meredith exclaimed, her voice full of joy, tears streaming down her cheeks as she hugged her mother with everything she had, burying her face in her neck, breathing in her oh so familiar scent.

Her mother had won the Harper Avery. Her _second_ Harper Avery.

She had given an amazing speech, discussing the importance for women to challenge themselves in pursuit of aims that had always been male-dominated, telling the audience stories about the difficulties she had to face when she had started, the only girl in her program – a tiny, blond girl, exactly like Meredith – when everyone had called her "sweetie" and mistaken her for a nurse. She didn't mention her, but Meredith knew the whole speech was a message for her, so she was even flattered, besides being entirely proud.

Ellis hugged her back, resting her small hand on her daughter's head, a gesture she had done her entire life. "Thank you, sweetheart"

"This was… amazing! So completely amazing! I want to reach these highs too," the girl confessed, her head dizzy from the happiness of the moment. She leaned back, smiling to her mom.

"You will," Ellis assured her, adjusting a rebel blond lock to the side of Meredith's face. "Because you are ten times better than me. _You_ are the best thing I've ever done in my life."

She embraced her daughter sweetly, strongly, hoping with everything she had that she will see her do even better. Meredith wasn't her and Ellis was very aware of it. She was as strong as she was, but she was actually sweeter, and kinder, and her heart was a fragile, precious thing. She hadn't witnessed all the crap Ellis had – even if her father did abandon her when she was five, Ellis had done everything she could to fill up that void.

Meredith turned around and saw Richard looking at the two of them exchanging hugs and words of love and she grinned at him, gesturing for him to come near.

It was hard, at first, to accept that her mother, - her amazing, remarkable mother who has an extremely busy job, which means she never got to spend with her as much time as she wanted- had a… boyfriend? No, not a boyfriend. A man or someone. Whatever.

Meredith was an only child and her father was MIA for years, so she wasn't exactly used to share. It had taken a lot of time to adjust to him, especially in the rare occasions when they both have a weekend off so he would come over and eventually spend the night. Now, however, she was completely used to this, and in her mind, Richard was her part-time father. At least, he was the only stable male figure in Meredith's life.

"Aren't you proud of her?" she asked him when he stood next to them, his hand resting gently on Ellis' back. Meredith smiled brightly at him, her mind still dizzy about the big goal in her mother's life. Richard smiled back with the same emotion, both of his hands moving to Meredith's shoulders to circle her in a warm, nice hug.

"Completely," he confessed. "Are we going to celebrate, after she finishes taking congratulations from everyone?"

"You two go alone," Meredith imposed, her tone the one of the occasions when she wasn't willing to listen to another word.

She knew how much of an effort Richard had done to book for them a table in the most exclusive restaurant of the City, and she thought that they deserved some time alone. Real time alone, far away from Boston and the hospital or their offices. Plus, her mother had booked a suite for the two of them and Richard had to get his own room. Ellis was extremely traditional in that sense, and she hadn't want for her girl to sleep alone. And Meredith knew how much of a sacrifice it would be for the couple. She might never have been with a guy but she wasn't naïve. She knew the importance of sharing a bed and… bed time. Or at least, she had read so. Not that she liked thinking about her mother in that way, Ellis was only and always her mom, or at least a surgeon. The most amazing, talented surgeon in the world.

"But this is a family celebration," Richard tried to argue, completely used to the Grey girls' willpower.

"It's not," Meredith stressed. "Anyway, I'm going to have fun alone. Some Broadway show or a little sight-seeing. When you come back, ring me, so we can schedule a family drink."

Meredith stepped out of the theatre when her iPhone went off.

She stopped in a corner, busy people passing by in their elegant dresses as she fumbled with the bag, searching for the phone. She found it with extreme difficulty, and when she saw the caller ID she couldn't say she was happy with the name she read.

"Finn," she groaned hitting the green button. "What do you want?"

"Hello, sweetheart. Are you enjoying the Big Apple?" he greeted with that happy voice which was able to drive Meredith nuts.

"Okay, A, never call me sweetheart again, and B, how do you know I'm in New York?"

"I met Izzie this morning. I won't tell you that's not nice to take days off without telling your boyfriend. Anyway, did you mother win?"

"Geez, do you understand English? _You. Are not. My boyfriend!_ " she shouted in the phone. She ended the call and threw the iPhone in the bag, completely mad. How can guys be so stupid?

"Fuck!" she grunted, and she kicked the wall against which she had leaned with her ballerina shoe, but she immediately lost her balance and she fell to the ground, bruising both her hands and her knees in the process.

While she was kneeling on all fours in the middle of one of the most elegant streets of New York, her dress a complete mess, tears of humiliation and frustration streaming down her cheeks, she heard a voice: "Can I help you, Miss Grey?"

Meredith raised her face and she met a pair of ocean blue eyes, in the middle of the most handsome face she had ever seen. A random boy – well, more like a random man – was holding her hand out to her, calling her by her last name and looking completely perfect. The ebony curls, the crooked smile, the really nice body, in jeans and a button-down shirt.

She gained her control.

 _You are a Grey_ , she told herself, wiping the tears away and reaching for the boy's hand. When their skins touched, she immediately moaned for the pain. He saw the bruises, so he helped her to her feet.

"Let me take a look, I'm a doctor," he explained.

"Oh please," Meredith stressed. "You might be a doctor, but my mother is THE doctor"

"I know," he replied, flashing her a smile. "I'm one of her residents. Wanna go in that coffee shop and see if they can give us some ice? You'll feel better. Bruises are pretty annoying."

Sitting down on the bench, her hands wrapped in bandages, ice on her knee and a coke on the table in front of her, Meredith found that life was going slightly better.

Her knight in shining… whatever had been amazing. Quick and gentle, he had found the ice, the bandages, and he had even brought her a drink.

"Thank you," she murmured, not looking at him.

"You're welcome. And I'm kinda sorry I jumped on you, calling your name without telling you who I was. But I spotted you coming out the theatre, I witnessed the whole scene so… It just came out naturally."

"No, it's ok. I still don't know your name and I'm definitely ashamed you heard that crappy conversation but it's ok. I mean, you work under my mother so I think I'm supposed to look like the fabulous kid and not this random hobo who I actually am, but it's ok. I don't think I'm making any sense."

"I can understand worse," he assured. "Derek Shepherd."

"Meredith Grey," she smiled.

"The fabulous kid."

"Well, not so fabulous after that ridiculous scene I'm sure you witnessed…"

"Looks like someone made you really upset on the phone," he commented, his blue eyes shining. Was he sure they were legal?

"Just Finn," she hissed, rolling her eyes. Then she bit her lip: she wasn't sure she was supposed to tell him about Finn. For the first time in her young life, Meredith Grey was afraid of what another person would think about her. She had always felt so self-confident but for some reasons Derek Shepherd made it all disappear. She didn't want him to think she was a child. She wanted to look like a confident, intelligent… woman.

"Who's Finn?" he asked, calling for a waitress to order a brownie. "Do you want something sweet?"

She blushed. _Holy mother of hell, why am I blushing? He's asking if I want a pastry or a muffin or… Gosh, I'm a total idiot._

"A brownie, too," she nodded, trying to gain back her composure. "And Finn's no one we need to talk about."

"Ok," he smiled. "Let me see your hands, I don't want you to come back to your mom and tell her a shitty resident had done a bad work. You're the golden child," he smirked again.

"I'm Meredith," she corrected, shooking her head, her blonde hair falling on her pretty face.

Derek observed her intently for a few seconds: she was wearing a blue pleated skirt with a white top and a matching cardigan, flats blue ballerinas and a big, blue Michael Kors bag was abandoned next to her chair. Something like fifty hundred dollars of bag, he knew because Amelia, his baby sister, was bitching about how much she needed one for months.

At her wrists, Meredith had a few Tiffany bracelets and a watch, with matching earrings. She was barely wearing any make-up, except for a deliciously pink lip gloss. Derek didn't know how much money Ellis Grey made in a month, but he can just imagined it had anything to do with the great efforts his mom had made to raise five kids - well, six, including Mark - alone. Meredith Grey was nice and smart, but she was also a snob. A snob who can actually blush - he hadn't missed the nice color which had raised on her cheeks when he had offered to buy her something sweet. She was definitely pretty, and one day, she would make a pretty trophy fiancè for some snob lawyer. Or maybe a professor - Derek wasn't sure with whom Ellis Grey would see her precious daughter with.

Anyway, the girl was rather talkative and even slightly funny and he discovered it was pretty nice to talk to her, despise her being a snob. He asked her about school, and she told him she was in pre med.

"Dartmouth," she grinned. "I chose my mother's school. I'm about to finish it, and then definitely med school"

"Surgeon, I assume?"

"Of course. I don't think I could do anything else, my mother raised me with bread and surgeries. I think I'll choose Mass Gen for my internship, but even Mt. Sinai in New York could be nice. What do you think?"

"I like Mass Gen," he assured her. "I was born in New York but I decided to move to Boston because I wanted to work with your mom. I thought during med school I was going to go general but the first time I saw an aneurysm being clipped I knew I had to be a neurosurgeon."

"I bet you're really good," she offered with a smile. Ellis Grey was cold and stern with interns and residents, but her daughter was a warm little thing. Despite everything, Derek enjoyed the compliment: "You'll do great, too," he said back. "Anyway, Mt. Sinai is pretty hardcore, too: my best friends, Mark Sloan and Addison Montgomery, work there."

"We'll see," she said, sipping at her Coke. "I love my mom more than anything, but I don't know how I feel about the idea of working with her and Richard everyday. I… I just want to be myself, you know?"

"You feel the pressure," he nodded. "It's normal. It doesn't mean you don't love your mother."

Maybe he could give Meredith his sister Kathleen's number. She was the shrink, not him.

"When do you go back to Boston?" she asked when the waitress arrived with their brownies.

"The day after tomorrow, you?"

"Same. Do you want to come see _West Side Story_ with me tomorrow night? I have two tickets."

He really hoped she wasn't asking him out on a date. She was pretty, of course, and if he would think like Mark for a second, her curves were to die for, but she was a snob little thing - and the daughter of his boss. But what if she actually went home complaining about how he had rudely refused her offer?

"Yes, why not?" he replied, hoping to keep his reply the most casual he could. "Do you mind if I bring Mark and Addison?"

"Not at all," she smiled, her eyes shining like pearls.

"Is she that bad?" Mark asked Derek the following night, while they strolled in the streets full of people to the theater. He was holding Addison's hand, looking as pretty as always in a nice grey cocktail dress with high heels. Derek wasn't sure he had ever saw Addison in the city without her high heels.

"I don't know," Derek replied. "She's… kind of a snob. Sometimes she's annoying, sometimes she's even nice. You should see her clothes: yesterday she had a top on which I'm sure costs more than everything in Amelia's closet."

"I hope you aren't judging her from what she wears," Addison commented. "It's not her fault if she's rich and it doesn't mean she's a bad person because of it. I mean, you love me even if my family didn't have to apply for a loan to afford med school."

"This is true," Derek replied quickly. "She's just… _She's Ellis Grey's daughter._ "

"Again, not her fault."

Even if she had been raised by a stern family, Addison Montgomery was anything but a stern person. She didn't know how, but had turned into a sweet, loving girl, especially with the one she loves. She was even a great doctor, she was always extremely empathetic with her patients. This is why, when she spotted Meredith Grey walk toward them in a lovely dress, her hair up in a bun, she knew she was going to like the girl.

Derek had been right about her appearance: she was young and she had expensive clothes on. But when she introduced herself to them, and most of all, when she shook Derek's hand asking how he was and her cheeks became a deep shade of red, Addison knew Derek had been blind about who Meredith Grey really was.

She sat next to him during the show, and Addison had to admit she was impressed with how Meredith balanced talking to her and Mark and showering Derek with attentions: she wasn't obvious and it was clear she wasn't doing it on purpose. She simply was completely enamored with Derek: her emerald eyes shone when she looked at him, she laughed at his jokes, she simply worshipped him in a way a girl could just do when she was twenty. Addison had no doubt: Derek was Meredith's first crush.

When she wasn't focused on Derek, Meredith was even better: she was nice and warm, but intelligent, funny and feisty. She had a great culture for being just twenty - Addison knew her age because she had stalked her on Facebook - and not just in medicine. She knew by heart every song even played on Broadway - she was a huge fan, she had confessed, her eyes gently caressing Derek - and when it comes to medicine, she knew a thing or two about every big hospital of the country. They could easily gossip about famous surgeries - or surgeons, for the matter - and she had her own opinion about everything. Addison was definitely impressed, and impressing Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery was indeed a hard job.

Derek had been blind. He wasn't even looking at her. He was having around this beautiful, smart young woman which eyes would be more than happy to never leave his and he was actually wasting his time with that stupid nurse. Mark was totally right, even if Addison was never going to admit it. Rose the Nurse was a stupid animal and Derek - her Derek, her best friend - deserved more.

Anyway, she wasn't going to say anything: if he wanted to waste his time, he was free to do so.

* * *

 **Dartmouth college, Hanover, New Hampshire**

Meredith Grey had always loved Hanover and her college, since the first month she had spent there. Her mother, always obsessing about her little girl having everything she needed, had found her the cutest apartment, slightly outside campus, with a big bedroom, a bright living room and a delicious balcony. As focused as she was over school, Meredith wasn't much of a partier, but she enjoyed reading in her quiet apartment, eating on the balcony and even the ten minutes walking to college she took every morning, her hands buried in the pockets of her hoodie, her bag banging against her hips and her headphones in her ears.

When she wasn't obsessed over her exams and her grades, she was a quiet and pacific person. Sometimes she conceded herself a night of drinking tequila with Izzie and a few other friends, but most of all, she had a nice, lonely life studying, reading and watching tv shows. She was a balanced, happy girl, she enjoyed what she did in her life and most of all, she enjoyed climbing in her car and escaping to Boston from time to time, to see her mother.

Except, since when she had came back from New York, her life had completely changed and her balance was fucked up. She wasn't able to focus on anything: not her studies, not her reading, not the season finale of her favorite tv show. Nothing. She had swinging moods and she spent her days in class, staring at the wall, and lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She was always thinking about Derek Shepherd. Always. And when she wasn't thinking about him it meant she had cried herself to sleep and she would spend her sleeping hours dreaming about him.

She was completely obsessed.

She didn't know what was happening to her and little did she know how to handle it. No boy before had even caught her attention, no one. Maybe Finn, at once, but even before their first date she had spent fifteen minutes tops thinking about him. She was simply too focused on her life. Except she had met Derek Shepherd and he had fucked up everything.

Meredith just knew she needed to talk to him, to see him again. She was living in a bubble, playing over and over in her mind the moments they had spent together in New York and she felt a strong desire to be with him, to see him again. Desire was a weak word to express how she felt. She was always imagining what he could be doing, running around the hospital, treating patients, enjoying breaks with his friends… And she didn't know what the hell she was supposed to do. She didn't even know what she was feeling.

She needed to talk to someone. She needed an advice, but from who? Derek was hers - it was her secret, her happy island, and she wasn't sure she wanted to share him with anyone. Not that she wanted to freak out over him every day for the rest of her life. She needed an advice. She needed her mother. She could leave the following morning and spend the weekend in Boston, she was sure her mother would find the time to take her out for lunch and help her figure out the mess which was going on in her head. She could just show up at the hospital and surprise her mom. And she felt a thrill thinking about who else she could run into, at the hospital.

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Derek Shepherd was tired. Beyond tired. Or better: he was positive he had never been so tired in his entire life. He had started his day with a craniotomy but he had lost the patient after a few hours of complicate work. He hated losing patients, like every other surgeon, but most of all, Derek hated losing them first thing in the morning. Then, he had had a weekly meeting with the Chief of Surgery, where had graciously remembered every member on her staff that they were a hardcore hospital not because they were better than Seattle Grace or Mt. Sinai but because she worked her ass off, and she expected the same dedication from everyone of them, interns, attendings, heads of departments and nurses. She wasn't in the mood to tolerate further mistakes.

Derek had spent a few minutes wondering what the hell was she talking about - no one had made big mistakes, not recently. He know their Chief was slightly insane, but honestly, her levels of insanity were really high in that period. Probably because it was almost summer, he didn't really know why.

Anyway, he had being stopped during his reasoning because a nurse told him a redhead girl was looking for him. So he discovered Dr. Grey had invited to Boston Dr. Nicole Herman, Head of Neonatal at Mt. Sinai, who had carried along her favorite resident - his Addison. Obviously, the fact that he had been working for almost twenty hours without sleep meant nothing when he discovered he could spend his lunch break with his best friend.

He hadn't see Addison in a couple of weeks, and while they tried to text at least twice a day, eating with her and talking about their day was something he really missed about med school. Addison was amazingly beautiful even in her salmon scrubs, her long red hair in a high ponytail, wearing just mascara and lipstick. She was a genius - Derek was well aware of how good she was - and she had been chosen by a famous neurosurgeon to be on his team. She kicked ass and he was extremely proud of her. Plus, she was indeed the only light in a terrible day, at least until she asked about Rose.

Derek knew both Addison and Mark didn't like her. Even his mom, who had met her briefly there at the hospital during a visit, and who never said bad of anyone, had had written all over her face how that girl was anything but right for her baby boy. They had had the 'Rose argument' once during Thanksgiving, the previous winter, when Addison and Mark had come over for lunch with the family.

Addison and Carolyn, Derek's mom, had pouted the entire time; Kathleen, the shrink of the family, had explained for thirty minutes how he had decided to date a girl not right for him because he didn't think he could deserve more. Nancy, who said she didn't care about anything, had observed that Shepherds had the gene of beauty and with that horse of a girlfriend, Derek would give Mom ugly Shepherds grandchildren (someone had told her that beauty wasn't important and she had replied it was bullshit. Beauty was important, period). Lizzie, who was definitely the annoying sister, had said that her brother would do better staying single instead of dating a stupid nurse, and Mark and Amelia, they baby of the family, called hurricane by everyone, had just muttered something like "stupid horse".

Derek knew Rose wasn't the girl for him, he really did. Well, she was pretty - even if his entire family called her a horse, Derek thought she was pretty - and nice, and their sex was good. It was just that he didn't feel anything in his stomach when he was next to her. Seeing her naked didn't make his throat feel dry and he could swear he had never felt any butterflies. It wasn't love, simply.

Derek didn't know how it really felt to be in love. He was almost twenty-eight years old, and if he would say a thing he really, deeply envied about Mark was how he felt about Addison.

Meredith was thrilled like she had been when her mom had took her to see Dartmouth. This time, anyway, she wasn't in a fantastic campus in a summer day, looking around and feeling in every bone the sensation that her biggest dream, becoming a doctor, was coming true.

Anyway, the thrill was the same.

She was standing in the hall of Mass Gen, dressed as well as she could without being obvious (which had consisted in jeans, boots, and a cute shirt), but it was raining and she was pretty sure the humidity had completely screwed up her hair and the hours she had spent in front of the mirror to make them look decent. Anyway, here she was, ready to search for her mother, and maybe even to casually run into the boy of her dreams. Her throat felt completely dry, her hands were sweating and her legs completely shaking. Who was Derek Shepherd and what had he done to her? What was happening to controlled, focused, pragmatic Meredith Grey?

Despite the bad weather, the humidity who had screwed up her curls and the way everything in her body was shaking, she was a lucky girl - or at least, so she thought so when the doors of the elevator opened in front of her and she caught a few glimpses of Derek [qua ho sicuramente inventato delle parole]. He was there, right in front of her, more handsome than ever - but he wasn't alone. He was holding hands with a brunette wearing a horrible jacket and high-heeled boots, whose hair wasn't screwed up by the humidity but actually hang down her shoulders beautifully. The girl could probably be twenty five, twenty six years old, and she was holding Derek's hand like it was the most normal thing in the world, smiling at something he was telling her.

Didn't she know the luck she had? Didn't she know she was holding hands with a boy who was everything Meredith had ever wanted or wished for in her entire life? Didn't she know that another girl would give up everything she had in her life just to be in her shoes?

In the spur of a moment, Meredith realized everything: what the hell was she doing? She should be in Hanover, studying, not in Boston, dressed up and waiting to catch a boy's gaze? Had she lost her mind somewhere in New York?

Most likely, he had completely forgotten about her, at this point, and anyway, he had a girlfriend. A girlfriend who actually wasn't about to finish pre med. She was so stupid - she turned around and ran away, hoping he hadn't seen her. She felt tears streaming down her face, her breath short in her chest. She should hide - she definitely needed to hide.

She took the first door she found and thank God, the stairs were empty - completely empty, like every noise of the hospital had been left behind. She let herself fall in a corner, her bag and cardigan falling on the ground. She took her forehead in her hands and let the tears fall freely. It was a matter of seconds and the tears became sobbing.

He had a girlfriend.

He. Had. A girlfriend.

Obviously - he was a dream, a complete dream, funny, smart, handsome… She should have supposed it the second she had met him. And in that moment she saw everything clear: she didn't know what she was feeling for him, she just knew she had never ever wanted something in her life the way she wanted him.

Addison was having a relatively nice day: she had always liked Boston, she was completely in love with the medical field she had chosen and she had spent her lunch catching up with his best friend. In the morning they will leave for New York and hopefully she would spend a relaxing and sexy night with the man she loved. Life was good today.

She ran down the stair hoping to hide in the cafeteria for a bit and have something full of chocolate, but she stopped when she saw a tiny girl curled up in a corner, a mess of a bag and a cardigan around her, her long blonde hair hiding her face. She was trying to hold back her sobs and Addison recognized her immediately.

"Meredith?"

The girl raised her face, her make-up completely ruined by the tears.

"Oh gosh, Meredith, what happened?"

Addison forgot immediately her break and the chocolate treat and sat down next to her.

"Addison… hey…" Meredith even attempted a smile when she saw who had called her name. "I was pretty certain you worked in New York," she commented, and then, another sob.

"I do, I'm here for a consult with my attending," she explained quickly. "But why are you crying like this? It's your mother?"

"Gosh, no, she didn't even know I'm here. It's… I was surprising here, and…" she bit her bottom lip, more tears streaming down her pretty face.

Addison sighed: "Oh God, it is Derek, isn't it?"

Meredith raised up her face and a terrified look flashed on her face. "Oh shit, was I that obvious? Does he know? I'm - I'm screwed, I don't know what the hell is happening to me, I just - I couldn' do anything so I came here and… She's pretty, she's not a teenager, she has nice hair and-" she stopped to gain her breath and Addison had a feeling the rambling was just a way to deal with a new feeling. The girl was clearly in love with Derek, in love with a new crush, and she didn't know what to do. Clearly, anyway, she had seen him with Rose.

"Oh, Meredith," she breathed, and her arms immediately embraced the younger girl. Addison wasn't much of a hugger, especially with someone she had know for a few hours, but she _knew_ how Meredith was feeling, she know how devastating the first love was, she knew how it felt like to see the man you want with another girl. All of this felt this huge probably because she was just twenty.

"It's gonna be alright, I swear it is." She felt the girl tense in her arms but after a couple of second she let herself go and sobbed harder, her tiny bony hands searching for comfort.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, grabbing her scrubs in her fists.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Dry your tears and tell me everything."

If she would point out a fault in her life, Meredith knew she could have more friends. Or better, she could actually have some, since the closest thing she had to friends were a few classmates she sometimes invited over for tequila. This is probably why, when Addison found her in the stars, crying every tear she had, she had felt the urge to tell her everything and for the first time in her life, trust someone who wasn't her mother. She had trusted Derek for something like two weeks and then she had discovered he was dating Miss Perfect Hair, but this was another story.

"I don't know what the hell is happening to me," she confessed, sitting in front of Addison, a few brownies and two cups of coffee. "I - I've always been a quiet person, always focused on the future. I want to be a surgeon so hard that everything I've done since I started studying had been put every effort on it."

"You are extremely hardcore and this is pretty clear."

Meredith laughed harshly: "Hardcore? I don't think so. I was in New York when I lost my balance and bruised hands and knees. And this… And _Derek_ rescued me. I'm sure he told you how he helped out a silly girl. And I don't know, I can't control my feelings anymore. I spent two weeks in Hanover staring at the ceiling, I can't study, I can't do anything. He broke me!"

"He's your first love," Addison breathed, reaching out to gently stroke her shoulder. "And trust me, I know how much it hurts."

"I just know I've never felt the way I felt when I was with him," she confessed tight-lipped, her gaze focused on the table, a few more tears slipping down. "And I don't cry! I don't waste time on boys! I spent all my life trying to be extraordinary!"

"And you are, I swear, you are. Loving someone doesn't mean you're less great or brave. Look at me: I'm madly in love with Mark and still, Dr. Herman chose me between all the resident to come here," she smirked.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you," Meredith commented, the first ghost of a smile appearing on her lips.

"I like you too, and I have the feeling you really need a friend."

"I did. And I need to know how to make this… whatever it is… disappear."

"Why do you want to get rid of it?"

"Because I can't live. And because he has Miss Perfect Hair and I'm a stupid twenty-year-old!"

Addison looked at Meredith for a few seconds, the blonde locks circling her face, the emerald eyes, the smile. And she was calling Rose - _Rose!_ \- perfect?

"I am seriously convinced that you and Derek would make a wonderful couple," she said, her blue eyes locking with Meredith's green ones. "You have to believe me."

"I really do thank you for the trust, but he doesn't want me and I'm not hiding back at Dartmouth just because I like talking to you."

"You don't need to hide. You just need to came up with a plan to make him notice you. I've known him my entire life, and he's stubborn and blind, but you can't find a better man."

"Please, shut up, or I'll start crying all over aga - oh, crap!"

"What?"

"My mom and Derek. Right behind you. Oh gosh, I want to die."

* * *

 **I'm already writing chap 2 ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Happy 2016, guys! Here's the second chapter of this MerDer trip! More to come - promise!**

 **Many thanks to CileSun92 for being my beta!**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

 _ **I know you haven't made your mind up, yet,**_  
 _ **but I would never do you wrong…**_

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Running into Chief Grey was a normal thing, when you worked at Mass Gen, probably because Ellis was not the type of Chief who spent her days locked up in her fancy office: she was always operating, or breathing on the neck of her staff. Anyway, Derek always found it terrifying.

He was just about to enter the cafeteria, because after the longest shift ever he would kill for a sandwich. But she was walking by him, her lithe, strong, scary body in the dark blue scrubs. He hoped she wouldn't see him, it would be nice to digest his snack.

He looked around, trying to spot an empty table, when his eyes stopped on a strange scene: Addison sitting down, laughing and chatting, with Meredith Grey. He was sure the girl was Dr. Grey's daughter, since she faced him. And he was as sure the other girl was Addison: longest reddest hair ever, pink scrubs. Definitely Addison. What the hell was Addison doing with Little Princess Grey? And what the hell was Little Princess Grey doing in Boston, anyway? He was sure she had told him she studied… somewhere else.

Her hair were up in a bun, and he could only spot a nice shirt from her outfit, another extremely expensive bag hanging from the chair's arm. Just now he could see the resemblance between the girl and her mother, closely. They had the same slim body, the same blond hair - probably, Meredith's were darker - and the same bright, green eyes. The girl's expression was just sweet - and he couldn't definitely say the same for Ellis!

Chief Grey was pointing the table, and he was about to do the same, with extreme regret; but anyway, that day couldn't see worse…

Ellis Grey was a stern woman, and Derek had known so since the first time he had saw her. She was extremely focused, she rarely smiled, her gaze was fierce and she never, ever let her face down. He had seen her in a lot of situations, in five years: yelling, operating - she was a living legend, indeed -, smiling - usually just at Richard Webber -, bossing people around. But he never imagined to see her like this.

"Meredith, sweetheart!" she exclaimed as soon as she saw the girl, her tone bright and happy.

"Mommy," Meredith smiled, standing up to embrace the woman.

The snobby, snappy, demanding girl he had met in New York was gone and had left behind a child - a sweet child, whose eyes were brighter and bigger while she reached for her mother.

"Baby, what a nice surprise," Ellis commented, crushing the girl to her chest, her hand going protectively to rest on her daughter's hair. "Are you staying for the night?"

"Yes," Meredith nodded, making no motion to free herself from the hug. She wanted her mother's warmth, even Derek could say so.

"I have a kidney transplant in a hour, would you like to watch it?" Ellis proposed, with the same tone as if she were asking her to go shopping.

"Yes!" Meredith grinned, stepping back slightly. "I was just catching up with my friend," she explained, pointing to Addison, who was standing next to the table.

"Chief Grey,"

"Dr. Montgomery!" Ellis greeted. She liked Addison, Derek was sure of it. And anyway, how she could have not liked her? Addison was everything a woman like Ellis Grey could admire: young and focused, smart and beautiful, already completely under the wing of one of the most famous doctor of the field she had chosen.

"I didn't know you knew my daughter."

"We met in New York," Addison explained with the most polite tone ever. "He introduced us," and she nodded to Derek.

 _I hate you, Addison. I hate you._

Ellis Grey turned around and her gaze lost every warmth it had possessed before. She hadn't even realized she had one of her resident attached to her hip.

"Dr... " she started, looking at him sternly, like asking herself what the hell was he doing in the caf. Upsetting the Chief meant rectal exams for the rest of his career, and he didn't wanted to do so. And it was entirely Little Princess Grey's fault. If she hadn't been there, he would have just gestured to Addie to escape from the caf with a sandwich for him.

"Shepherd," he suggested, and then thought he should at least smile at Meredith: "Hey, Meredith."

Chief Grey could kill him because he had done something she would have see as harassed his daughter in New York but she could kill him even because he wasn't nice to her.

"Hey, Derek," the girl replied with a beautiful smile. She liked Little Princess Grey better in Boston than in New York: she was the same snobby little thing he had met there but she was way better than her mother.

"Nice to see you again, how is school going?"

"Everything's ok, thank you. I had a slow week so I decided to come over. And your shift?"

"How do you know my daughter?" Ellis asked, keeping Derek from answering to Meredith.

"We met in New York," he said as casually as he could. How the hell did he found himself in this situation? He couldn't stand Little Princess Grey, with her gold hair and her Hollywoodian clothes. So why was he standing here, wishing for a sandwich, explaining to his boss his knowledge with her daughter?

He was just sincerely hoping his reply was enough for Ellis Grey.

"Yes, but how?"

No, it wasn't.

"I fell... I fell on the street. He helped me out, we chatted for a little and I found out he worked here," Meredith explained, and Derek smiled at her. She had chosen the perfect words and she hadn't told her mother he had known who she was the entire time.

Little Princess Grey was gaining points.

"And then Derek introduced us. We've been friends since med school," Addison added, her hand resting on Meredith's shoulder. She was extremely protective over the girl, and Derek couldn't help but wondering why. Addison just cared about him, Mark and Amelia. And sometimes her brother. She didn't meet people and started friendships like she was apparently doing with Meredith. He couldn't help but wonder what the hell it meant.

"Mom, I invited Addison over for dinner, I hope you don't mind," Meredith said to Ellis, her emerald eyes shining with joy. She was a snobby beautiful thing, indeed.

"Not at all," Ellis replied with a smile. "I just hope you won't mind Thai take away, Addison," she added, switching to first name. "I don't think we'll have time to cook."

"Everything is fine, Dr. Grey. I'm sorry if I'm intruding in your time with your daughter."

"Meredith and I will have a morning to ourselves tomorrow," she assured, her slim arms going again around the girl, even if Meredith's eyes seemed to search for Derek's.

"I'm going to grab a sandwich," Derek said, feeling like he was intruding.

"I have to go prep the patient. Meri, honey, OR 1, do you remember where it is?"

"I can walk her," Derek offered.

 _What the hell is wrong with me? Chaperoning Little Princess Grey around…_

"I've grown up here, Derek," Meredith grinned. "But okay, thank you. I want a sandwich too," she added.

"Let's go, I'm buying it for you. See you at dinner, Dr. Grey. And good luck for your transplant," Addison smiled.

"Thank you. Have a good time, girls. Dr…"

"Shepherd," Derek suggested again, trying to not to roll his eyes.

"Right. Shepherd. Grab your sandwich and find yourself something to do, Dr. Shepherd, instead of wasting precious time with my daughter."

"Yes, ma'am."

Little Princess Grey was a pain in the ass.

* * *

Instead of the Thai take away food at Grey's house, Meredith found herself sitting in a nice restaurant downtown next to Addison, with Ellis and Dr. Herman - who had immediately told her to call her Nicole - sitting at the other side of the table.

Her mother and… Nicole had been friends for a long time, Nicole apparently adored Addison - and it seemed like the feeling was extremely mutual.

The restaurant was one of Meredith's favorites and a nice night out talking about medicine was what she needed to divert her mind from Derek.

Derek.

She wasn't exactly the type of girl who used to drool over a guy but she was pretty sure she had spent the afternoon doing just that. At first, when he had escorted her to the OR, they had been quiet the entire time: he seemed completely tired and she was too embarrassed to actually speak. And when they had rode the elevator she had breathed deeply in the scent of blood, antiseptic and what she was sure was only him. He had told her he wished she had a good time before disappearing, and she had watched the surgery with her mind on something else.

The same happened during the rest of the afternoon, that she had spent in a corner of her favorite cafè, trying to get some work done. Just like she had done in Dartmouth for the past two weeks, she had spent her time looking at the books without actually seeing them. Everything she saw was Derek.

Could Addison be right? Was she in love with Derek? Was she actually so upset because she was experiencing a feeling she had never known before? Derek was everything she wanted, everything she dreamed of. But could it be love?

She shook her head, decided to try her best to divert her mind from the subject and focus on something else. But when she looked at her mom and her friend, she heard her mom say: "So, Addison. You told me this afternoon you are friend with that resident of mine?"

"Derek Shepherd, yes," Addison confirmed, her hand going to Meredith's knee in an understanding gesture. "He's practically my brother-in-law. Derek's mom took Mark in when he was a child so they grew up together."

"Mark Sloan, yes," Nicole commented. "He went into plastic. A great guy."

"Mmh," Ellis nodded, her mind clearly somewhere else. "But that Shepherd… He's a good guy, right?" she asked Addison.

"He's the best," the girl nodded.

"Well… he's talented, I suppose. He has quite a way with neuro but - I guess he's just not the brightest crayon in the box."

Addison and Nicole laughed loud and hard while Meredith exclaimed, incapable of stopping herself: "Mom!"

Ellis chuckled: "He is, Meri, honey."

"He just seems nice," Meredith muttered, her cheeks completely red, while she tried to hide her face in her plate. Her mother couldn't know she felt something for Derek. She had thought she had needed her but now she was sure she just needed Addison. Maybe she could talk to her about this - without actually mention Derek's name - but not in that moment, obviously. A part of her was definitely afraid of her mom's reaction, while the other part wanted to trust her mom and tell her about the most frightening, amazing period of her life.

Later, that night, while she climbed into her childhood bed, she waited for her mom to come and wish her good night. When Ellis' head poked from the door, she breathed softly: "Mommy?"

"Yes, Meri?"

"Can we talk? Like… for ten minutes?"

"If you promise to not go all rambly on me," her mom replied, smiling and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Is everything ok at school?"

Her mother's first concern was always how school was and in that moment, she found it frustrating.

"I'll try not to. There's… Well, I am in a strange moment I don't know how to call it because I swear I've never felt this way - I'm not rambling, I'm just trying to prove a point and… and… and I think my point is that maybe I should actually maybe be in… love. Maybe I'm love mom and I swear I'm going nuts."

* * *

Ellis Grey's life was torn between two main things: being a surgeon and her daughter.

The little free time she had left probably belonged to Richard, the man she had loved all her life, but the two main characters in the story of her life were indeed her job and her daughter. At the first, Ellis was a natural. She had went to school, of course, she had learned the basics, but from the moment she had started her residency, everything had felt natural. She cut, she diagnosed, she had become a living legend. She was famous all over the country, students learned her Method in school, she ran a great hospital and she had just won her second Harper Avery Award.

Being Meredith's mother had always been harder. Thatcher, the girl's father, had left them when she was just five and since that moment she had tried her best, every day, step after step. Meredith had been a sweet and shy girl, and sometimes her scared gaze had reminded Ellis of her father. She had always tried to teach her to be focused and smart. Now, at the age of twenty, they were pretty close, she was completely absorbed by her studies, and Ellis was pretty sure she had done a decent job.

But now, for the first time in her life, she wasn't quite sure of what she was supposed to do with her, or what to tell her to ease her pain. Her daughter - her young, beautiful daughter - was standing right next to her confessing to be in love.

Ellis couldn't exactly tell if Meredith had already had some physical experience in that field, but she was pretty sure this was her daughter's first love.

For the first time, Ellis was terrified.

"Meredith," she breathed, her eyes open wide, while she stared at her. "He's - who is he?"

"A boy from school," Meredith said, her cheeks even redder.

"Does he feel the same way?"

"I don't know," the girl confessed, looking at the ground. "Sometimes we… run into each other and then we catch up a bit."

"Oh," Ellis blew, her hand going shakingly to tuck some of Meredith's hair behind her ear.

"It's just that - I can't do anything. My mind is like obsessed. And I'm tired of this."

Ellis just sighed and hugged her daughter, stroking her hair and her back, whispering to her how everything was going to be all right. But she was terrified. She can't forbid to Meredith to be in love, she can't do anything, but she couldn't see her daughter destroy what she had poured blood and sweat on since she was a little girl. The following day Meredith would go back to Dartmouth and Ellis will have a reason to worry. She needed to find a way to keep an eye on her baby before it would be to late.

* * *

 **New York City, New York**

Addison had been back from Boston for almost three weeks now, and she was struggling to bring some comfort to little Meredith's life, in spite of the distance.

The girl was still completely in love and completely desperate, and she just didn't know what to do. She learned to deeply love the girl, and seeing her suffering because of her idiot best friend was completely dumb and kept on dating that horse was driving her nuts. She rolled her eyes at Mark everyday for calling Rose a horse, but he was right. The girl was a horse, and completely wrong for Derek.

She needed him to open his eyes, and she needed to see Meredith and spend some time with her new friend. She checked her planner: she had three days off in two weeks and she needed a plan. A smart one, too. She reached for her phone and searched for Meredith's number.

"Addie!"

"Mer, hello."

"Oh, a nice voice today. I'm having a crappy day, I swear. How are you?"

"Fine. I have to work in a couple of hours and I haven't seen Mark in twenty but everything's ok. Normal resident life."

"I swear, better than mine," she groaned. "I still can't sleep and my mom calls me three times in a day. I wonder when she finds the time!"

"She's probably just worried about you and Derek, Mer. Give her time to digest the thing."

"Except she doesn't know he's Derek. She thinks it's a boy from school. And between my lack of interest for anything, my mom's calls and Derek… This is a living hell."

Addison heard Meredith breath deeply, and then the girl added: "I'm sorry, I swear I'll stop complaining."

"No need to stop. In fact, I called because I think I might help you."

"How so?"

"I have three free days in two weeks, can you believe it? Three entire days outside the hospital and if you don't mind the company I could-"

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Seriously?! Come, please! Come! I really need to see you!"

Addison laughed, completely fascinated with Meredith's genuine and carefree reaction. Between Mark, Derek, her work and her so-called friends, Meredith was definitely the new challenge she needed in her life.

"Well, I take that as a yes. And I wonder if you'd mind if I ask Derek to come over while I'm at Dartmouth? I could kill two birds with one stone…"

"Oh God."

"Okay, let's say three birds. I'll call you when I have the trip figured out, okay?"

"Oh God."

Addison laughed softly: "Mer, I need you to tell me something else so I can be sure you understood."

"What? Oh. Yeah, sure, Addie. Yeah. Call me again. I love you. Bye."

And she hung up. Addison laughed again: she had another call to make. In Boston.

Derek picked up immediately.

"Addie! Hey!"

"Hey, Derek. You busy?"

"Of course I am. But I'm looking for Dr. Webber and since I have no idea where he could be you can definitely talk while I walk."

"Okay, I need two minutes tops, anyway, I'll come to Dartmouth in two weeks and I was wondering if you could ask your lovely Chief for a free evening and join us."

"Us."

"Yeah, us as in Meredith and I."

"You're using your free time to go visit a teenager… at her campus?"

"Why not? She's my friend. She's probably the best friend I've ever had so if I have a opening in my schedule of course I'm going to spend time with her."

Derek was like a brother to her but he was definitely an idiot. Help him figure out that he needed to leave the horse would take longer than this. She kept on talking: "I'll be there from June 11st to the… 13th, I think, it depends on my shift for the following day."

"I'm supposed to be on call, I think."

"That's why you need to ask your Chief. She's a lovely woman. Tell her you're coming with me to visit her daughter and she'll let you. Definitely."

"I don't know what is worse, Addie. In case you haven't noticed, my Chief just likes Webber and her daughter."

"And me."

"Yes, and you." Derek breathed deeply. "Okay, I'll try to ask. But just because a night out with you can do wonders in this moment."

"And with Meredith, too," Addison gently suggested. "She is so funny and sweet, she helps me a lot when I have a bad day."

"Meredith, yeah." He didn't seem so convinced. "I have to go, I found Webber. If the Chief will let me live, I'll text you later."

"Okay! Don't kill anyone. I love you!"

She hung up, smiling triumphally.

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Derek Shepherd loved working at Mass Gen.

He loved everything about the hospital and he loved being a doctor. Being a resident was probably one of the hardest things he had ever done in his life but he loved it, and he wouldn't have changed it for everything else in the world.

He liked his life. He loved his work and his colleagues, and he was crazy about Boston. He liked the city to the point he might have preferred living in Boston rather than in New York. He had a lovely family and two amazing friends. Oh, and a nice girlfriend, of course.

So he liked almost every part of his life but what he didn't like at all was standing on his feet in Ellis Grey's office, while she studied him through her glasses like he was a bug under a microscope. Because he definitely felt like a bug in that moment, and he was sure as soon as he told her he was asking for a night off to meet her daughter, she would definitely squash him with the tip of her shoe.

"So, Dr… Shepherd?"

Well, she remembered his name. Great.

"Dr. Grey, I'm sorry to bother you but… I'm supposed to be on call on June 11st and I was wondering if I could have the night off, instead. I might -"

 _Oh, fuck. This isn't going well._

"I might need it for… family issues."

"Such as?"

"I think Addison… Addison Montgomery, you know, the neonatal resident in New York…"

"I do remember Addison Montgomery," she interrupted. "And I think you know, since she's my daughter's closest friend."

"Oh, yes. Of course you do, ma'am. I mean, Chief."

"Chief is better. So you need a night off because Addison needs your assistance?"

"Something like that, Chief."

"I wonder why," she muttered, and Derek pretended not to hear.

"And you'll fly to New York to be back the following day?"

"No, Chief. I'll just drive to Dartmouth, she'll be visiting… Meredith."

 _Oh, crap._

Ellis' head snapped up from her paperwork.

"You'll go to Dartmouth? You'll see Meredith?"

"Yes, ma'am, Chief."

"How well do you know my daughter?"

If she had asked him to calculate the distance between Boston and Venus, Derek would have thought it was an easier question. Because the truth was that he didn't know. They were probably just acquaintances and he didn't like her at all. But he had a feeling he couldn't tell her so.

"We're friends, I suppose. We have a best friend in common, so we're friends."

"And I think if I'll let you have your night off you won't mind doing your Chief a favor."

"I guess not, Chief," he replied, but wondering what the hell could Ellis Grey need from him.

"My daughter says she's in love with a random boy from Dartmouth. Now, I guess you can tell how that girl worked harder than anyone from the age of ten to be the most hardcore possible and become a living legend like me. Because I swear, Dr. Shepherd, I don't like to fool around: I know how great I am. But - Meredith. Have you met Meredith? She'll be bigger than me, bigger than you, bigger than everyone else in this field, in the word. And I won't have the first male coming around jeopardizing my daughter's plans. Is that clear, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I think so, Chief. Well, I don't think -"

"Yes, I know you're probably wondering how any of this is your business. It's pretty simple: you go to Dartmouth and keep an eye on Meredith. These are my terms for your night off."

Why on earth didn't I leave her on the ground that night in New York?

There was no way he could say no to Ellis Grey, so he smiled and nodded. "I'll see what I can do, doctor."

"You may go back to work, Dr. Shepherd. And give my bests to Dr. Montgomery," Ellis nodded, her cold green eyes again on her paperwork.

* * *

"She's crazy!" he exclaimed, his anger unleashed on Addison on the phone. "How the hell did I find myself in this situation? I don't want to chaperone Little Princess Grey around!"

He was on the roof of Mass Gen, his eyes scanning the lights of the city in the clear night without really seeing them. He was tired and frustrated and he just wanted to go home and hide in his bed. Plus, Rose kept calling him and he blew the call to voicemail while he was talking to Addison. And that frustrated him, too. He didn't want to see Rose - he didn't want to see anyone.

Derek heard Mark saying something to Addison on the other side of the phone. He wanted to ask what it was but Addison started talking again: "You're just tired and you're seeing everything dark now. I promise we'll have a great time, and you'll love Mer, you'll see."

"I hope you're right because I had to be the Chief bitch to have this night."

* * *

 **New York City, New York**

Addison climbed in bed next to Mark, immediately cuddling on his side.

Another awful day had ended and her plan to visit Dartmouth was almost finalized. There was just one more detail to make everything click but she wasn't quite sure what it could be. She needed to do something to have Derek changing his opinion about Meredith. He sweared she was snobbish and whiny but he need to see the real her. He kept complaining about her clothes as well and - ok, she had the idea.

Seeing her like she had seen her that day on the stars, sad, devastated, constantly doubting herself would immediately awake his compassionate side. All the rest will come along, since they were perfect for each other.

It could work. She smiled triumphally in the night. The first thing she was going to do in the morning was texting both Meredith and Derek with two different meeting times.

It was definitely going to work.

* * *

 **Dartmouth college, Hanover, New Hampshire**

The two weeks since Addison had told her she was coming to Dartmouth to visit her had felt like two years. And not just because Meredith missed Addison - well, she did, she missed Addison a lot.

Every person she would meet or talk to in Hanover was nothing like Addison. No one had her beauty, her skills, her intelligence or her sense of humor. Addison, in less than a month, had become the dearest friend she had ever had, so she missed her friend dearly.

Yet, that was not the reason why she had been cleaning her tiny apartment since that morning.

She needed everything to be perfect: the house, the groceries, herself. Even if she couldn't actually cook and she lived on take aways she had ordered the best for that night, because Derek was coming over. Derek was actually coming over and she needed to make the best impression she could.

So she had cleaned, picked out a playlist to play softly, lit some candles around - nothing too couply or romantic, because Addison was going to be there too, but just to create a bit of atmosphere. She needed the atmosphere and she needed tequila. A new bottle was actually set on the kitchen counter and liquid courage was exactly what she needed.

Derek had a girlfriend, a perfect girlfriend with amazingly curled brown hair and this was why she was going to spend half an hour in front of the mirror doing her hair. But that would be later - later she would do her hair and make-up and put on the Dolce&Gabbana summer dress with the sandals she had chosen for the night. It was a little too much for a night in, but Derek was coming over and Derek deserved the best.

It was five minutes to five thirty and - thank God - she had another hour to get ready, because for now, her messy curls were tied up in a bun, and she was barefoot, with zero make-up on, dressed in denim shorts and a Dartmouth tank top, looking around the tiny apartment, readjusting a book on the shelf and settling the pillows on the couch. She went on the balcony to check on the table, and she was positive everything looked good.

Maybe she was ready to go change and shower and make herself beautiful for an unavailable man she was so completely in love with.

She had just entered her bedroom when she heard the doorbell ring.

Who the hell could possibly be? Addison had told her she would arrive with Derek around six thirty and it was very rare for any of her classmates to show up at her door like that. In the ten steps from the bedroom to the room she feared that it could be Finn, still convinced that she was his girlfriend or something like that. That would be a disaster. She didn't want to see Finn, she didn't want to have him in his house and she didn't want him to accidentally meet Derek. That night she didn't want anyone but Derek.

She opened the door, planning of sending away whoever it was in less than five seconds and she almost had a heart attack.

Tight jeans and grey t-shirt showing off amazingly his body, the ebony hair perfectly curly, a pair of sunglasses covering his blue eyes, Derek Shepherd was actually standing at her door with a half-smile on his lips.

"Uh - Derek?"

"Hey, Meredith," he greeted gently, removing his sunglasses so Meredith could see his amazing eyes again.

"I - I wasn't expecting you so early," she blurted out, moving away to let him come in anyway, immediately afraid she had been rude. "I mean, I wasn't but it's okay! Perfect, actually."

It wasn't perfect, it was a disaster.

The apartment was perfectly settled but she looked horrible and he was handsome and sexy and gorgeous. Way too gorgeous. And not even Cheryl, the woman who had cleaned her mother's house for the past twenty years, had ever worn such ugly clothes while cleaning the windows of the living room.

Meredith wanted to die, and a deep shade of red spreaded her cheeks.

"You weren't?" he asked, looking around. "Addison told me five thirty. But she isn't here, is she?"

"She isn't," Meredith nodded. "I was sure it was six thirty but I probably messed up the time and she's on her way."

"I'm sorry if I'm intruding," he told her with a smile so sweet and hot that the heat of her body was almost impossible to manage.

"You're not," she breathed, mirroring his smile, wishing she could feel those lips on hers. "I'm sorry for the outfit, if you can wait five minutes I'm going to change."

"It's not necessary," he said, grabbing her wrist. "We're staying in anyway, or at least Addie told me so."

"That was the plan, yes," she confirmed.

"So you're perfectly dressed." He was studying her make-up free face, she could tell. Probably thinking she looked horrible while his girlfriend was perfect without make-up on.

Stupid perfect girlfriend.

"Your place is very nice," he offered, and Meredith struggled to find something to break the awkwardness.

"Thank you," she smiled. "Do you want to grab a beer and go on the balcony while we wait for Addison?"

"I was sure you weren't old enough to buy alcohol," he said, somehow in a funny way.

"I have my ways," she grinned, feeling more relaxed and more herself that what she had felt in years.

"In this case, yes. I would love a beer."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 _ **I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue  
I'd go crawling down the avenue.  
**_ _ **No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do  
**_ _ **to make you feel my love.**_

* * *

 **Dartmouth college, Hanover, New Hampshire**

If the first time Derek Shepherd had met Meredith Grey someone would have told him she owned a Dartmouth ratty old tee, a pair of denim shorts - he suspected cut out from a pair of jeans - with a hole right under the bottom and a pair of green flip flops with a label saying _Brazil_ on them he would have laughed for a couple of hours. It was impossible to think about Little Princess Grey without her fancy outfit, the lip gloss and the perfect hair curled down around her shoulders. In that moment, he almost couldn't believe his eyes.

He was in Little Princess Grey's college apartment - bigger and more comfortable than his in Boston.

Actually, they were on her balcony, drinking a beer. And the Princess, Miss I-can't-go-out-of-bed-without-my-Michael-Kors was sitting cross-legged right in front of him, wearing the t-shirt, the denim shorts and the flip flops. Her hair was a mess, up in a bun - a scented mess, he had discovered while she had leaned over him to hand him the beer. She wore absolutely no make up, and Derek found out she had a nice, tiny, sexy trail of little freckles on her nose and cheekbones. He wondered if she did have freckles on the top of her breasts, too, but then he shook his head and took a long sip of beer.

 _I cannot think about her breasts. She's a child._

Addison wasn't there yet, even if almost an hour had passed, but strangely he didn't miss their friend: Meredith was a tiny little snobby thing, of course, but it was nice talking to her. She had asked him about Boston and the program, without mentioning her mom. He had appreciated that, and he had found himself telling her little things that have happened at the hospital, from crazy colleagues to strange patients. She laughed, she listened intently, and when she commented he had to say he was impressed by how smart and passionate she was.

It was like he had never talked to her before, never like this at least. She had things to say, things to explain, and it seemed like he was the only person she would tell them.

Addison had been right: Meredith helped with stress and Boston and everything else that felt wrong in his life. They spent two hours chatting pointlessly on her balcony, eating chips from a bag. When Addison rang at the door he commented with a smile he hadn't even realized how late it was. He was rewarded with the sweetest smile he had ever seen.

* * *

Addison arrived at Meredith's door slightly terrified.

She had left them alone for more than what she was supposed to, and she was afraid Derek had ran back to Boston while Meredith cried her little heart out in the closet.

Instead, as soon as she had parked her car she had heard them from the balcony, Derek's warm laugh along with Meredith's giggle. She had been right, apparently: they got along well.

As soon as the door was opened, she found Meredith in her arms, Derek still laughing somewhere inside.

"I missed you," Meredith murmured in her hair. "He's here."

"I can hear him," Addison said back, squeezing Meredith's waist tightly. "I missed you too."

They broke apart and Meredith took her hand, bringing her into the apartment.

"Der, she's here!" she exclaimed as Derek appeared from the living room.

 _Der._

They were already using nicknames, apparently. Or maybe it was just Meredith, being in love with him and everything.

"I told you she would be on her way, Mer," he explained, and then grinned at Addison: "Hey, Addie."

No, it wasn't just Meredith, apparently.

Addison kissed his cheek, mentally celebrating. So Derek had changed his mind about Meredith, and this meant step one had worked. Plus, Meredith was wearing something she had never thought she would wear in front of Derek. Everything was strange, and yet everything felt right. Like they had always met in that apartment, just the three of them. Like no one would fit together better than Meredith and Derek.

"So, wanna eat?" Meredith grinned. It looked like she couldn't stop grinning. She hadn't, since she had whimpered _I missed you_ against Addison's hair.

"Sure," Derek said, raising up from the couch. "Where should I set the table?"

"I can do it," Meredith shook her head. "Wanna eat on the balcony?" she proposed, smiling at Addison.

"Yeah. Show me where everything is, this isn't the last time I come over, I need to learn."

Derek followed Addison to the kitchen and, even if Meredith protested, he helped her set the table.

They sat down around the small table on the balcony fifteen minutes later, the sky upon Dartmouth as red as the blood.

"So, how did Ellis took your request for a day off?" Addison asked Derek as soon as they started eating. At the mention of her mother, Meredith's head raised up abruptly from her plate.

"You asked my mom for a day off?" she asked, trying to sound casual. It was entirely possible that her mother knew about Derek coming to Dartmouth. She tried to slow down her breathing: her mom was a smart woman, but Meredith was sure she wouldn't figure out it was Derek she was in love with.

"Yes. She didn't like the idea very much but she changed her mind as soon as I told her I was coming here."

"You told her so?"

The situation was getting worse every sentence Derek pronounced. But the best was yet to come, apparently, and Derek added: "She told me you are in love with a boy down here, she wanted me to keep an eye on your studies."

Meredith's face became as red as the sky, her eyes wide open, a frown on her face. "Oh, God," she muttered, looking in front of her, embarrassed like never before.

Addison realized her situation and she would have said something if Derek hadn't laughed softly and asked: "So, Mer? Is it true?"

"Mind your own business," Addison told him, seeing the frown on Meredith's face deepening.

"Come on, Addie, Mer's gonna tell me."

Addison knew Derek meant no harm. He was treating her like a friend because he had no idea.

"It's nothing," Meredith muttered, her eyes on her food again.

"Oh, please? I wanna know!"

Meredith raised her face to look at Derek and she regretted it immediately: she wasn't able to resist his blue eyes or his pleading smile. He was perfect and she was screwed.

"He doesn't care about me," she managed to say. "He doesn't seem to know I even exist, so my mom can sleep on two pillows."

Addison reached over to grab her hand, giving her an understanding nod. "He's a moron and you know it."

Meredith breathed deeply and it was Derek's time to frown.

"Oh, Mer," he breathed. Addison looked at him like he was crazy. She just hoped he wouldn't start explaining how the guy didn't deserve her or she would throw her plate at him. Meredith didn't need to hear it, not now.

Thankfully, Derek decided to stay silent and Addison silently thanked God. Meredith just smiled at him, her eyes full of love regardlessly. Addison felt a wave of anger at her best friend. How could he be so blind?

"Let's talk about something else," Meredith muttered and Derek caught the occasion to tell Addison: "Have you seen Amelia? She left me a voicemail yesterday."

"Yes, she's gone crazy," Addison nodded. "She says she doesn't like Columbia anymore, she would like to go to some college on the West Coast."

Derek laughed hard, as Meredith's confused gaze travel from him to Addison.

"Did you ask her what my mother thinks of this?"

"She has to ask her yet. Mark says we'll have her over to dinner next week and if she's sure about this he'll talk to your mother."

Meredith's gaze went from confused to lost.

"We're talking about my family," Derek explained her sweetly. "Which is practically Addie's too since her boyfriend is my brother."

"I thought he was your best friend," Meredith replied.

"More like a brother. My mom took him in the first time I brought him over from school. And Amelia is my sister."

"She's about your age," Addison explained. "Pre med like you."

She wanted to do Meredith a favor, telling her something about his family, but as soon as she heard the news, Meredith had the confirmation of her deepest fear: Derek would never date a girl his sister's age. He would always look at her like a little sister. She had no chance. Minus the fact he was dating someone, of course. Someone with perfect hair.

"It's just the three of you?" she asked Derek, trying to keep the conversation alive. She would have time to cry as soon as he would leave.

"Unfortunately no," Derek clucked. "There's Kathleen, she's the first. She's turning thirty in August, she's a therapist and she's pregnant."

Meredith couldn't help but grin: "You're about to become an uncle!"

"Yes," he laughed. "Then there's Nancy, she an OB/GYN."

"She's one year older than us," Addison smiled. "Then there's Derek and then Lizzie, she's studying physiotherapy."

"And then Amelia," Meredith said softly.

"Yeah, and then Ames." Derek smiled at her.

"You would like her," Addison promised, playing with some pasta around her plate. "Even if she's entirely different from you."

"Do you miss New York?" Meredith asked Derek, not exactly willing to spend the night talking about his sister, who was her age and the number one reason Derek will always see Meredith as another sister.

"Yes," he smiled with nostalgia. "I love Boston and I think I'm…" he paused for a second, and Meredith thought she could spend her life like that, sitting at the table, on the balcony, waiting for him to sum up his life. "I'm happy, I think," he said, and Addison looked away quickly. "I like the hospital, I love that I have gone Neuro, I love the city."

"And you love your girlfriend," Addison added at the list, ready to prove to Meredith how completely off-tune that relationship was with Derek's life.

Meredith frowned, not quite understanding why Addison would bring up the perfect Rose, and Derek's head snapped up at the mention of Rose.

"She's nice," he assured, nodding to himself. "She's nice, I like spending time with her."

"You don't seem so sure," Meredith commented, and then bit her tongue immediately. She didn't want to hear. She didn't want to give herself more reasons to suffer.

 _Damn quick tongue and damn slow brain._

Derek looked at Meredith, his baby blue eyes meeting her green sweet pools. She smiled at him, despite the red spreading across her cheeks. He smiled back at her.

"I'm not sure, actually. It seems like… I'm missing something here," he confessed.

Addison's blue eyes went wide with surprise. Derek had never admitted before how there was something not entirely right about that relationship. She and Mark had harassed him for months, especially Mark, and everyone of his sisters had said something not nice about Rose. He had always defended her and their relationship (even if in a complete unconvincing way). And now, in front of Meredith Grey, a girl he had known for barely a month and had despised the whole time, he was confessing something was missing. She couldn't help but wonder why. Even if she was convinced they were more than right for each other, it was impossible that Derek had understood so in two hours.

"Why?" Meredith asked with a quiet, patient tone.

"I don't know," Derek shrugged with half a smile. "I've never been in love before. Maybe I just… Maybe I had too high expectations from the outside, and at the end of the day, probably love is what I have with Rose. Nothing special."

Addison snorted, and immediately muttered: "Sorry." when Meredith turned around abruptly and looked at her questioningly.

Meredith went back to watching Derek, then, the patient smile always on her lips. She was searching desperately for something wise to say, when Derek asked to them both: "What is love, after all?" shaking the gravity off the question with a chuckle.

Addison stayed silent for a second, and Meredith, grazing at the sky, a big look of concentration on her tiny face, replied: "I think it's… I don't know, it's something. It's something big caught between your throat and your stomach, something that's always there." She smiled. "It's… frustrating and I get angry everyday because… anything. I can't do anything. There's always him, forever him, everyday, everything. I'm rambling, and… yes, rambling, but love is… him. When he's in Boston and I'm in Dartmouth and I spend my nights awake and my studying hours thinking of him. Constantly. Love is that he doesn't even know I'm here, and I'm burning, but I don't care because I know he's there and he's happy. Love is him, happy."

A silent tear was making his way across Meredith's red cheek, and the girl smiled embarrassed. Addison moved a hand to gently rest on Meredith's knee. That was love - not what Derek felt for Rose. Love was that twenty-year-old girl, suffering in Dartmouth because in a moment Derek Shepherd had turned upside down her life.

She had been so passionate about expressing what she was feeling that she had mentioned how the guy she loved was in Boston - but apparently, Derek hadn't caught the detail, because he was looking at Meredith like she was a completely different person.

"Do you have that something now?" he asked, entirely serious.

"Always," she muttered with a smile of resignation. "Maybe you don't love her, after all," she commented.

"Maybe I don't," he replied, nodding seriously.

Addison felt a strong, nostalgic need to be in New York, at home, with Mark.

* * *

"I don't wanna hear your ugly voice, Shep," Mark grinned at the phone. "Let me talk to my girlfriend."

"I told you," Derek sighed.

He was sitting down, completely relaxed, on Meredith's couch, while the girls did the dishes in the kitchen. Mark had called, and Addison had asked Derek to pick up the call, since she was elbow deep in the soap. After the dishes, they were going to watch a movie and Derek felt completely at ease. It was late already, but the next day he didn't have to go to work until after lunch, hence why he didn't have to rush back to Boston.

Dartmouth was better.

"She's doing the dishes with Mer."

"With who? And why are you at Dartmouth, anyway?"

"The girls invited me over."

"You hate Little Princess Grey," Mark reminded him.

"Don't call her like that. She's not like that."

"So you changed your mind."

"I did. She's nice, funny and smart."

"Are you gonna dump the horse and date her, now?"

Derek laughed: "Don't call Rose a horse. And of course I'm not dating her, she's Amy's age!"

"Whatever you say, man," Mark concessed. "When are you heading back?"

"August, for Kath's birthday. I'll have Addie call you as soon as she's done."

"Ok, thanks. See you, man."

"You too, Mark."

He hang up and tossed the iPhone next to him on the couch, smiling relaxed. What a nice night.

* * *

"Are we done?" Meredith asked Addison, watching as her best friend dryed the last plate.

"Seems so. Why?"

"I wanna ask Derek if he wants some fruit," the girl grinned.

"He's probably still on the phone with Mark but you can go check."

Meredith put down the glass she had been holding in her hands, crossing the distance from the kitchen to the living room. As soon as she reached the door, she stopped, hearing his voice laughing on the phone with his best friend. She didn't want to eavesdrop, of course, but a phrase caught her attention and killed the air coming out her lungs.

 _Of course I'm not dating her, she's Amy's age._

Her green eyes immediately filled with tears.

She had deceived herself for the entire time of the dinner. They had talked, he had laughed with her, they had shared little things. And in a little corner of her heart, despite her knowledge and her wiseness, she had hoped. And now she was coping again with her hope shattered in pieces to the ground, exactly like when she had seen him in the elevator with Rose.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped.

"You ok, sweetie?" Addison asked gently. Meredith nodded quickly, wiping a cheek with the palm of her hand.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I… Nothing I didn't know. He told Mark he would never date me, I'm his sister's age."

Addison sighed and squeezed her to herself with the hand who wasn't holding the bowl of popcorn.

Meredith shook her head, trying to resist the hug, when she just want to drown into Addison's arms.

"I'm fine," she stated.

Addison chuckled. "You're not, but you will be. He'll realize you're not his sister, I promise." She kissed the girl's cheek. "Movie time?"

"Movie time," Meredith agreed, smiling softly.

* * *

Seeing him on her couch, completely at ease, his long legs stretched in front of him across the carpet, a grin on his handsome face, made her feel worse and better at the same time. He was handsome, and funny and smart and sensitive and she was sure she loved him with everything she had. He fit in her house, in her life, and she just wanted to crawl on the couch next to him and for the first time feel his strong arms around her, his scent filling her nostrils. But yet, he wasn't hers, his arms couldn't be her place, and he was unreachable.

She probably looked like a fool, standing in her own living room without knowing what to do, while both Derek and Addison were relaxing and looking at her.

"Mer?" Derek tried. "Are you zoning out?"

She shrugged: "No, sorry. I'm fine. Do you want some fruit?"

"No, thanks," he smiled. "I would love another beer."

"Can do," she nodded, and made a move to went back into the kitchen, but he grabbed her wrists and gently made her sit on the couch.

"I can take it myself. You sit. I'll bring you one too. Addie?"

"Yeah, thanks."

And he left, with his amazing smile, and Meredith sighed and caught her head between her hands. "I can't do this," she whimpered. "I can't sit around knowing what I feel and what he feels and - I can't."

"Tell him," Addison suggested, shocking even herself. She hadn't even considered the possibility that Meredith could simply tell Derek how she felt.

"What?!" Meredith gasped, her head snapping up. "I'm not telling him. Ever. You're crazy."

Silence descended upon them again as Derek came back in the room, still grinning and bringing a pack of several beers. He gave Addison one and fell on the couch next to Meredith.

Of course, where would he sit?

"What are we watching?"

"You can choose," Meredith said, trying to fake a normal tone of voice. "I watch series most of all but there are some movies, mostly comedies and musicals - you can choose."

Derek discussed for a few minutes with Addison, and then they decided for _How to lose a guy in 10 days_.

Meredith, thanks to the conversation between Derek and Mark, had officially slipped in a bad mood, and she stared at the TV, pouting, mentally kicking herself. If she wanted to keep on seeing Derek - and she did want it! - she needed to manage her feelings and act like a friend. It was the only thing she will ever be to him, so it was better for her sanity if she went with it immediately.

"You ok?" he whispered, scooting closer to her.

Meredith felt a thrill going down her back. She nodded. Gently, he took her hand and squeezed it. "Are you sure? You seem in a bad mood."

"I'm ok," she assured, giving him a sweet smile. "Enjoy the movie."

"I'm starting to feel tired," he pouted, and Addison immediately interrupted them: "Can you stop? I love this movie and I don't need your subtitles."

Both Derek and Meredith grinned as Derek's phone went off in his pocket.

"Oh," Meredith murmured, but Derek smiled as he reached for the phone: "It's just a text."

 _Rose._ Meredith could read her name without any effort. And she could read what the other girl had wrote, too: _Wanna come over?_

Flames of jealousy immediately wrapped her stomach, and her throat hurt, immediately signaling the need to cry.

He typed back quickly: _No, movie night with friends. See u at work._

Cold, impersonal. Nothing like the Derek she had spent the night with, but she couldn't hide the feeling of victory and happiness spreading in her chest.

He wasn't hers, but he could be, at least for a night.

She settled back on the couch, her mood slightly improving as she stared at the screen, his male scent lightly caressing her nostrils.

He made her happy and nothing else mattered, in that moment.

* * *

They watched first half on the movie in complete silence, but when the story reached the most interesting part, Addison turned back thinking she could share a thought with her best friend - and she saw her wide green eyes looking completely thrilled and completely terrified, her back straight, as Derek slept peacefully with his head on her shoulder.

"Mer, don't freak," Addison quickly told her, as Meredith's eyes frantically searched for her support. "He's sleeping against your shoulder, he feels comfortable with you. You have to feel as much comfortable with him, too."

Addison watched intently as Meredith looked down at Derek, studying his handsome sleepy face. Tentatively, the girl raised her hand and gently brushed back a curl from his forehead.

"He's so handsome," she whispered to herself, even if Addison heard her clearly. She had never seen someone loving Derek how Meredith did.

Meredith gently moved her arm and wrapped it around his shoulder, so instead of her shoulder he was cuddling closely against her chest.

Derek slept and Addison watched the movie curled on the chair as tears ran down Meredith's cheek in silence.

* * *

He blinked two times, trying to put in focus whatever was in front of him. He didn't remember where he had fallen asleep.

His view cleared as he saw a big TV showing credits of something he hadn't watched. There was the TV and a window - dark sky, a night full of stars. And he could see a chair, too. A chair where someone was curled up on, long, bright red hair like a waterfall from the armrest. He smiled in his sleep - Addison.

There was something more, his head was resting on something fragrant and soft, a delicious scent of flower which went straight to his brain. A tiny, boney arm held him closer, and he saw a delicate hand rest on his bicep. A little hand with short, curate, natural nails and a tiny diamond shining on her middle finger.

He raised his hand and he was greeted by the sight of Meredith - not Little Princess Grey anymore, just Meredith. Now he remembered everything, the night together, the dinner, the chatting. She wasn't stupid and snobby, she was a delicate yet strong interesting little creature, and he truly believed he had a friend in Dartmouth, now.

She was sleeping, cuddling closely with him, her honey hair spreading against her couch pillow, her mouth slightly opened and her chest rising and falling under his head.

She was beautiful. She was beautiful and he couldn't help but smile.

She blinked quickly and opened her eyes, smiling immediately as she saw him staring at her.

"Hey," she murmured.

"I guess we both fell asleep," he replied sweetly, cuddling unconsciously closer to her.

"Yes, you did, and I watched the movie by myself," Addison said, her face appearing from behind the chair, completely ruining what had been an intimate moment.

"Sorry, Addie," he grinned, turning toward her but not moving away from Meredith. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Midnight," Addison said, checking her wristwatch.

"I should go back to Boston," he announced, sighing softly.

"You'll be there at two in the morning," Meredith commented. Neither Derek nor Addison had ever heard her talk with a softer tone.

"I will."

"Why don't you sleep here?" she proposed, and Addison had the feeling she shocked even herself with the unexpected idea. "You can drive back in the morning."

"You sure?" he asked, looking in her sweet green eyes.

"Yeah," she assured, biting her lip.

* * *

"I don't know what I am doing," Meredith confessed, burying her face in her pillow. She was laying on her stomach, wearing just her Dartmouth tee and her panties, Addison sitting indian-style next to her in a nice cotton gown.

"He's in the next room, I keep dreaming he would realize I'm perfect for him while, two hours ago, he told his best friend he would never date me."

"Mer, I need to give you information I'm sure you need."

Meredith's little face appeared.

"Before you two met, he noticed you at the Harper Avery Gala. He didn't say anything because Mark immediately harassed him but he stared at you and I know how he was watching you."

"How?"

"He was undressing you with his eyes. He knows you are a woman, even if you're young."

Meredith sat up quickly, her blonde hair a messy waterfall on her shoulders.

"You think so?"

"I _know_ so. We just need to remind him."

"How!" she stressed.

"With how you dress, maybe. Or maybe… you need to walk more… loosely around him. More like tonight. Show him some skin."

Meredith's eyes were two pools of ingenuity in her face.

"But… he has a girlfriend, I can't deliberately take a man like that away from another woman."

"Oh, Mer," Addie breathed, squeezing her tiny best friend between her arms. "Mer, you love him. You aren't taking him from her for fun, you love him, you want to make him happy."

"Maybe he's already happy," she whimpered as her eyes watered.

"You really think so, after what he said at dinner?"

Meredith could see his eyes, hear his nostalgic tone.

"I guess not." She took a deep breath. "What should I do?"

* * *

The following morning, as soon as Derek opened his eyes on Meredith's couch, the bright June sun invading the room from between the curtains, he immediately knew the girls were still asleep.

He sat up, rubbing his face. His smiled again: he felt comfortable in that strange apartment off-campus. Strangely so.

He went to the bathroom, then in the kitchen, where he started to fix some breakfast, waiting from one of the girls to show up.

The first one to appear was Meredith.

"Something smell amazing, here." Her soft voice greeted him from behind. He felt her hand gently brush his back as a greeting and the noise of a chair - she was probably sitting down.

"Hey, Mer," he grinned, without turning around. "I hope french toast is ok."

"Love them," she said, and he felt the joy in her voice. "Addison is still asleep."

He put the toasts on a plate, ready to join her at the table. He grabbed both their plate.

"That's-" he started, but the voice died in his throat.

Meredith was sitting at the table, her hair up in a high ponytail, the same tee as the night before on - clearly without a bra under it. He could guess the free swell of her breasts, and he swallowed deeply. She had a knee up against her chest, so he could see her leg. Really well. He could see her leg really well - her smooth calf, her creamy thigh - because she was only wearing panties.

She stood up and went to the fridge to grab some juice, as he stood in the middle of the kitchen like a fool.

 _Just a pair of panties._

Freaking black panties, and he had the time to stare at her ass as long as he wanted, while she searched in the fridge. She had a cute ass. A great ass. A completely sexy ass.

He swallowed again - was he stupid? She felt comfortable enough to walk around him in her underwear and he stared at her like a perv. She was Amy's age, for Heaven's sake! She looked up at him like a big brother and a friend, and for a moment he had imagined feeling her up against the kitchen counter.

He hated himself.

* * *

When Meredith came back to the table he was sitting down, smiling at her with the same interest he would have showed if she had been dressed in old sweats.

* * *

 **a-ah! Cliff! Review and maaaybe I'll write another chapter :* thanks to CileSun92 for spending her Sunday night beating this!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 _ **No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do  
to make you feel my love**_

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Classes were about to end, and Derek Shepherd was fervently waiting for his best friend to move from Dartmouth to Boston for the summer. She had told him over the phone how she would be spending all summer in Boston, since her mother had showed no intention of taking some time off to go somewhere. For once in her life, Chief Ellis had done something nice for him. He would spend his summer at the hospital so the idea of having Meredith close to spend days off with was definitely alluring.

He was really missing his best friend. After the weekend in Dartmouth with Addison it had been only natural to ask for her phone number, to text and call her and even to go see her by himself. Addison had returned to New York and Derek couldn't wait for her next visit to see Meredith, the girl that had quickly won him over. He had just managed to drive there once for a pizza on Meredith's balcony, but they had found time to talk to each other over the phone every day.

Derek had finally admitted how amazing Meredith Grey really was. Mark was his brother, but Meredith had occupied the position of best friend in a moment. She got him, she knew what to tell him when he was upset, and she was the funniest person to be around. Derek was completely smitten by her, and in that moment he was furious with Ellis Grey, because he wanted to drive to Dartmouth and catch up with his best friend but he had been stuck at Mass Gen for almost three days, non-stop. And even if his pocket was constantly buzzing because of Meredith's texts, it wasn't the same.

He was finally off.

After three surgeries, eternal rounds, complicated post-ops and shifts in the pit, he was off. His colleagues had asked him if he wanted to go out with them for drinks but he just wished he could drive to Dartmouth immediately and spend the night on Meredith's balcony, but he doubted he would be able to walk home in the first place. Seeing Meredith had to wait.

He quickly texted her while he walked to his car, when he was distracted by a muffled sound he heard from a dark corner.

He stopped, and he heard the sound again - a whimper. Probably from a animal. He should keep on walking but curiosity took him over, and he pulled out his phone to make some light. And then, he saw a dog - a little black dog, watching him with a pair of big eyes, also black.

"Come here," Derek whispered to the animal, kneeling and slowly offering his hand. It took the dog five minutes to gain trust and walk to Derek on the shaky legs. The puppy sniffed his hand and then licked it tentatively, tail waggling happily.

"What do I do with you, now?" Derek asked softly, but he knew the decision was made: he reached to pick up the dog who immediately nuzzled his arm with its moist noise. It was entirely adorable and Derek couldn't leave the puppy like that, alone and scared in the night.

Of course, as soon as he got home, he realized how impulsive he had been. Clearly, he couldn't leave the animal in the middle of the street, no microchip or ruff, but at the same time he was a resident. He lived at the hospital and he doubted Ellis Grey would appreciate a chihuahua in her OR. Derek loved dogs with all his heart, but he had to admit he completely despised Chihuahuas. They were annoying, aggressive and barked constantly. Plus, they were mouse-sized, so they were more similar to brats than real dogs. But not this one, apparently.

This was a small, sweet female with nice fur who hadn't barked once. She was entirely happy to eat what Derek had offered her and then cuddle against his leg when he had kneeled on the carpet to check on her. The dog was entirely adorable and had managed to steal Derek's heart in the time of five blocks.

And immediately, he knew who would appreciate and love the animal with all her heart. His heart squeezed in his chest at the thought of her soft giggle, and immediately, he frowned. He didn't know what was that, with Meredith and her giggle, but after that dinner alone he had developed an obsession for the sound. A strange obsession, indeed.

He slept a few hours on the couch, the dog curled against his side, a smile on his lips. He was figuring out how to go to Dartmouth, he would see his best friend and bring her a surprise, and he would pick her up after class.

* * *

 **Dartmouth college, Hanover, New Hampshire**

Meredith was sick of school. And she hated Cardio with everything she had. She had spent two hours lazingly taking notes while texting Addison, and she just wanted to go out in the sun and try to figure out something for the summer. She wanted to spend time with Derek. She wanted to spend everyday of her summer with Derek, who was both the man she loved and her best friend, and she also wanted to go to New York to visit Addison and meet Mark, her boyfriend, who also was Derek's brother. She wanted to do all of this so she really was tired of Dartmouth, of impossibly hot rooms, of nights alone in her apartment. She wanted to focus on Derek - mostly because she needed to think.

After the night with him and Addison things between them had definitely turned out unexpectedly. He had asked her once if he could come over for pizza, and they had spent another amazing time, eating on the balcony and drinking a couple of beers, talking about various topics. After that, they had talker over the phone almost everyday and texted each other constantly. And she had somehow managed to fall in love with him even more. She was starting to really know him, and even if he was far from perfect, everything he did and everything he said managed to be adorable in her eyes – even when she realized he was being a stubborn ass. Still, she was sure he was completely clueless about her feelings, and even if she was happy just to be his best friend, she wished constantly she could tell him that she loved him, that he was the best thing in her life, and she also constantly wished she could kiss him, and spend the night with him in her bedroom after those nice dinners on the balcony.

Addison constantly told her how she needed to remind him how she was a girl, and a sexy one for the matter, but her attempts were clumsy because she didn't know how she was supposed to act sexily. She had to admit she was entirely naive, everything she knew about love and sex had come from books and movies. And Derek wasn't a boy, he was a man who was almost thirty.

She was trying, and even if mentally cursing, she had put on a nice, pink summer dress the last time he had come over for dinner. He had smiled and commented gently how nice she looked, but she really didn't know if - _and how_ \- he thought about her when he went home.

Class finally came to its end, and she quickly collected her things in her tote bag, hiding her tired face behind a big pair of sunglasses and hoping to escape immediately to call Addison and check when she was free. She needed to get away from Dartmouth as soon as possible; she probably could drive to Boston that day. Derek was probably walking - he hadn't texted her in two hours - and of course she needed to wait to see Addison. However, going home was the best thing ever. She missed her mom and she missed Richard, too. So, yes, Boston was the best possibility.

She felt a slightly sweaty arm wrapping around her waist, and she jumped a little.

"Hey," said Finn's annoying voice near - definitely too near - her ear, and she nervously pulled back. She didn't like his proximity. She didn't even like him.

"What do you want?" she snorted, now definitely in a bad mood.

"Wanted to see my girlfriend," he smirked. "I haven't seen you in forever. You look pretty, wanna go out for lunch?"

He fell into step with her as they went out in the sunny, summer day, Meredith extremely annoyed and Finn definitely too close to her.

"No," she sighed. "Not today, not ever."

She didn't like to be rude with people in general, but apparently, he didn't understand good manners.

"Look, baby," Finn started, and Meredith was about to yell to his face, when she was distracted by a voice - a voice she knew and loved.

"Mer!"

She turned back abruptly and saw Derek standing a few steps away from her, in jeans and a white tee, perfect hair, perfect smile, sunglasses and everything. He was holding something to his chest with his left hand, but she didn't bother to watch closely.

She couldn't believe her eyes.

"Derek!" she grinned enthusiastically, jumping in his arms.

"Hey," he breathed softly in her hair, holding her closely and kissing her forehead, enjoying their reunion, until the thing Derek was holding started moving.

Meredith pulled back, frowning, but her face immediately lightened up with an ecstatic smile when she spotted the dog.

"Oh my God!"

"I found her last night after work," Derek explained, shifting the puppy close to Meredith, who giggled like crazy when the dog started licking her hands. "She's still nameless, but perfectly healthy and totally adorable."

"Oh gosh, she's so sweet! Aren't you sweet, baby girl?!" she took the dog from Derek's arms and held her closely, the animal happily liking her chin.

Meredith was entirely caught up with her new friend, but she shivered when she felt Derek's arm circling her waist. The day was definitely improving.

None of them realized that Finn was still behind them, watching the scene closely. "Meredith…" he said tentatively, and both Meredith and Derek turned to him, frowning, like he had interrupted a special moment. And in fact, he had.

"What do you want, again?" Meredith asked annoyingly, and she felt Derek's arm tightening his hold.

"We were talking."

"We were not," she retorted, leaning closer to Derek as the dog cuddled against her chest. "You were annoying me, like you always do."

"I asked you out to lunch. You've been ignoring me for weeks."

"Clearly she doesn't want to talk to you," Derek suggested, his voice cold like Meredith had never heard it. "You have to stop bothering her."

"Who the hell are you?" Finn asked arrogantly.

"I'm a guy who can easily break your nose if I hear that you bothered her again," Derek shrugged. "C'mon, Mer," he added, sweetly.

They walked away, and Meredith hid her anxiety watching the dog closely, until Derek's arm moved around her shoulders and he squeezed her. "You ok?" he asked, his voice soft against her hair.

"Yeah," she breathed. "I think this princess needs a name," she suggested, her finger stroking the dog's nose.

"She's yours, if you want her," he said.

Meredith looked at him with wide eyes. "You don't want her?" she asked.

"Of course I want her, but I'm never home. Resident, remember?"

She chuckled. "I can keep her and she can be ours."

"Ours," he repeated, as if he was testing the word. "Okay," he grinned, then, and Meredith smiled.

"You listened, baby girl?" she asked the dog. "Now we just need to find you a name."

"We can call her Boston," Derek suggested. "I found her there."

"We're not calling our dog Boston. How about Missy? She's a miss and she's cute."

"Yes, so she would seem a Bratz's dog. Please, Mer."

"Summer," Meredith suggested. "It's a happy name and she'll be the symbol of the time we became friends… or whatever," she murmured, seeing the smirk on Derek's face. She had probably made a fool of herself - again.

"I like Summer," he grinned, stroking the puppy's neck. "What do you say, princess? You like Summer?"

When the dog eagerly licked his hand, Meredith grinned. "I think she has a name."

* * *

 **New York City, New York**

Mount Sinai was one damn crazy hospital. So crazy that Addison Montgomery and Mark Sloan had actually found time to have their lunch at four in the afternoon, after a morning spent in a crazy pit.

Everything about that day was being crazy, and Addison wanted to hide her face in her salad, while Mark lazily scrolled his Facebook's home page on his phone.

"Something interesting?" Addison breathed, because if she didn't try to have a conversation she would fall asleep.

Mark stopped, his eyes wide as he stared at the phone. "Damn, Sheph," he grinned then, handing his phone to Addison.

A picture - Mark had been staring at a picture of Derek, clearly, and Meredith. They were sitting on a bench, Derek in jeans and t-shirt, Meredith with a long, cotton grey skirt, a green tank top and Converse, her blond waves up in a ponytail.

Addison grinned: she would have bet her month salary that Derek had shown up without telling her, because Meredith was obsessed with perfect and elegant outfits every time she had to meet Derek, even if Addison told her daily how she looked even better when casual and carefree, exactly like in that photo. They looked like two models, Meredith cuddling closer against his chest, Derek's arm around her shoulder, as she held a tiny black dog up to their face. Both of them looked more focused on the dog rather than on the camera.

They looked relaxed, beautiful and completely at ease with each other. _Let our Summer begin!_ Was written in the caption with a sun and a heart emoticons.

"They're adorable," Addison grinned, giving Mark his phone back.

"They look good. I wonder when he's going to dump that horse and screw Little Princess Grey already!"

"Mark," Addison groaned. "It's impossible to have a serious conversation with you."

But the day had definitely improved - she was so happy for Meredith. Now, she just needed to find a way to have them both in New York with them, soon.

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Derek didn't like going to Meredith's house in Boston.

Well, to say the truth he loved the porch, the big comfortable living room and Meredith's green and wood bedroom. He'd just rather spend time with her in her Dartmouth apartment or even at his old, ugly condo, because that beautiful house was Ellis Grey's house, too, and Ellis Grey was not only his best friend's mom, but most of all, his boss. And he found her scary and creepy as much as he found Meredith adorable and funny.

But Meredith had insisted he should come over, Ellis wouldn't be home (and in fact, he knew she was always at the hospital) so a couple of hours later he found himself laid on the carpet of the living room with Meredith's head in his lap, Summer curled on her chest while they watched _According to Jim_ , Meredith's giggle filling the air. She loved that show and he really wanted to have a good time with his adorable best friend without being afraid of Ellis Grey showing up and scalping him.

Watching Meredith bond with Summer had definitely made his day. They were beyond adorable, the puppy was already in love with the girl and used every occasion to cuddle with her. Meredith, on the other hand, was constantly giggling and stroking Summer's little head.

His best friend was a young, beautiful girl. And even if now he wasn't interested in checking her out in a dirty, porny way like he had done that first night during the Harper Avery Award, he liked to watch her rolling on the carpet with her - _their_ \- dog, giggling like crazy. He had thought she was childish and snob but he had been oh so wrong. She was sweet, smart, strong and remarkable, and her young age had definitely brought a wave of fresh air in his life.

Meredith rolled on her stomach, her face resting on her crossed arms on his belly, blond hair spreading across his t-shirt. Summer whimpered at the sudden change of position, but quickly found another spot to cuddle, against Meredith's hip. Summer fell immediately asleep again.

Derek couldn't help but gently take a lock of Meredith's silky hair between two of his fingers and play with it. It was just so nice to have her there, next to him, and being able to see the expression on her pretty face while talking to her. He was definitely enjoying the afternoon, and he was sure he would enjoy the summer as well.

"I'm thinking pepperoni and cheese," she grinned.

"What?"

"For pizza. We need to eat, and I want a big supreme pizza with pepperoni and cheese and a giant bottle of Coke."

"Okay," he nodded. "Are you sure your mom won't come home for dinner?"

"She's working late and then going out to dinner with Richard. I was supposed to go with them but I cancelled."

"Talking with you like this is definitely better than on the phone," he nodded. His tone wasn't romantic or anything, he was just stating a fact, and Meredith's heart squeezed in her chest realizing once more how his feelings were completely different from hers. If she could just be a little braver to reach up and kiss his lips to show him how much more she felt…

"We hate the phone," she grinned, trying to erase from her mind the image of them, kissing.

"Who cares about phones?" Derek grinned. "It's finally summer so I'm going to have you close for the next month or so."

"So close you'll grow tired of me," she giggled, and Derek stroked her hair again.

"I don't think so," he smirked. "Are you going somewhere?"

"No, I don't really feel like going on vacation by myself. I just wanna fly to New York and see Addie… and a couple of musicals, too."

"Clearly. You and your musicals!"

She rolled again, this time on her back; Derek leaned down a bit more and they found themselves cuddling together, Meredith's back against his chest. Derek wrapped his arms around her waist, feeling content and warm.

"Is this ok?" he breathed against her hair.

"Perfect," she whispered, her heart going wild in her chest.

"You could come to New York with me for Kath's birthday, you know," he told her. "We can spend more time together."

"That could work. I'm sure I'll found a hotel room."

"No, you won't," he denied.

"I don't want to intrude. Addie and Mark never see each other, I'm sure they would love some time alone. Let alone that I don't know if they have a spare room or something."

"I was thinking you could stay with me."

She turned around in his arms. Her green eyes drowned in his baby blue ones. "With you?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes. My mom has tons of free rooms, you could easily have one."

"You mom won't mind?"

"Not at all," he smiled. "It will be nice."

When a sentence can send a girl on cloud nine.

Meredith hated how vulnerable and fragile she felt around Derek, but when he said something like _hey, let's_ _go_ _to New York together_ , she melted. She recognized every flaw he had, his arrogance, his tendency to judge people before really knowing them – she suspected he had done that with her, too – but at the end of the day she realized how amazing he was, how compassionate and sweet his nature actually was, and she fell in love with him all over again. That strange, unwanted feeling she had felt for the first time when she had come back from New York was now a strong passion.

She rested her head on his shoulder, breathing contently in his scent, forgetting the world for a moment, when his phone went off and she jumped away. He chuckled.

"Were you falling asleep?" he asked casually but sighed as soon as he checked the caller ID. "Oh crap, it's Rose."

"I'm going to order our dinner," Meredith mumbled and left the room.

"Hello," he said softly into the phone.

"Hey! Are you still alive?" she joked, her voice high and perky, but Derek could feel how pissed off she was. Honestly, he couldn't say she was wrong. He had gotten off work two days ago and his first thought had been driving to Dartmouth to drag a pre med out of college.

He wasn't interested in Meredith - he couldn't be. She was Amelia's age, she was Ellis Grey's daughter, she had a life completely different from his. She was a little princess, after all, because Ellis was a living legend and she had been able to give Meredith everything she wanted. He knew Meredith had specific expectations about life and he knew he had nothing to offer to her if they would hypothetically start dating. Let alone that he didn't have any desire to be crucified in the caf of Mass Gen by Ellis Grey because he had deflowered her innocent daughter.

And that was exactly another big no-no in his list.

He tended to avoid thinking about Meredith in that way, he really preferred not to, but even if he didn't think so, he knew there were strong possibilities that Meredith could still be a virgin.

Sweet Meredith. He suspected she only had a vague knowledge and he really didn't think she had given her virginity away so casually (Ellis would have probably broken her legs or at least segregated her for the rest of her life).

Derek, on the other hand, was pretty sure he still had to know what real love was, but he had his knowledge about sex. Meredith deserved to lose her virginity to a guy who was head over heels in love with her and, even if he realized how great and beautiful she was, he could never fall in love with her. Hence the impossibility to have any kind of sexual interaction with her.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry," he breathed, trying to focus his attention on Rose. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm off too, today, I was wondering if you want to do something for dinner."

"I can't," he stated. "I'm at Mer's, she's home for the summer so we're having pizza."

" _Mer_?" Rose asked.

"Yes, Meredith. Meredith Grey, best friend, pre med. I'm sure I must have told you about her."

"Meredith _Grey_? Have you gone all buddy-buddy with Chief Grey's _pre med_ daughter?!" Her voice held all her disbelief.

"Yeah. Practically, yeah. She's also Addie's best friend, you know," he added, somehow hoping to reassure her.

"Is she… Like Addison?" Rose asked, tentatively. Even if she lived with Mark, Addison was a stunningly beautiful woman and Rose had always felt unsure next to her. She was probably asking if Meredith was pretty, too.

"No," Derek denied. "She's… blond. And shorter, and… young. Oh, c'mon, Rose! She's Amy's age!"

Meredith had come back into the room and he saw rolling her eyes at the age part. _Sorry_ , he articulated with his lips, as she whispered "Whatever," and laid on the couch with Summer curled on her breasts.

"Anyway, I haven't seen you in ages," Rose stressed on the phone. "I was simply wondering when you'll have time for your _girlfriend_."

It was Derek's turn to roll his eyes.

"Plus," she went on. "I wanted to check with your summer schedule so we might organize to take a trip somewhere and-"

"No," he immediately stopped her. "I don't think the Chief will give me more than a week off and I've already made plans to go to New York for Kath's birthday."

"Are you gonna ask me to go with you?" she asked, her tone clearly pissed off, now.

"Uhm -"

"Derek, you know how crazy I am about you - you might be McDreamy and everything but I'm not gonna let you treat me like trash just because you're a hot guy. If you rather be with your blond little thing…"

"Leave Mer out of this," he suddenly breathed. He thrusted his finger in his curls and felt Meredith sitting down on the carpet, next to him, her hand silently taking his.

"She's exactly our problem!" Rose snapped. He was almost sure Meredith could hear every word. "Since you met that little slut you spend more time with her than with anyone else, even if she doesn't live here. How am I supposed to believe you didn't sleep with her?"

"Because I'm your boyfriend," Derek snapped back. "And if I tell you I didn't, you're supposed to trust me!" He was so angry he couldn't see the hurt in Meredith's eyes.

"And I'm your _girlfriend_! You're supposed to spend time _with me_ , not with that little slut!"

"Stop calling her a slut," he said, stopping with the yelling, his voice cold and low. "Stop calling her that already."

"She acts like one! I mean, who steals another woman's man battling her eyes must definitely be a slut!"

"You know what? We're over," he declared, and he heard Meredith gasp. He closed the phone and threw it away, on the carpet, Summer's head slapping up from the couch (for once since he had given her to Meredith, she wasn't sleeping in the girl's lap).

An awkward, cold silence filled the room.

Derek sighed, his eyes closed, as Meredith held her breath. He had dumped her. He had dumped the horse, like Mark called her, and it was her fault. And even if she was sure that in Derek's body there wasn't a single bone interested in her, she hadn't being able to held back her feeling, so she was practically a homewrecker.

"Der…" she breathed, her voice shaking. "Der, say something. I'm sorry."

He lifted his head and his eyes met hers. "Mer, is not your fault. We have been off for a while."

"But she felt neglected because apparently I stole your attention…"

"Mer, you didn't steal anything. Mark has always been right, she wasn't right for me. If I had been in love with my girlfriend I would have given Summer to her, not to you."

The doorbell rang and he stood up. "There's your pizza," he grinned, going to answer the door.

Meredith was only able to stay where she was, her head going wild. She needed Addison. She needed Derek to leave so she could call Addison. Except he would probably leave around midnight and Addison would be asleep. She quickly grabbed her iPhone from the coffee table and texted her best friend: _Need u but can't call until midnight._

The answer was immediate: _On call all night, sweet. It's D?_

 _Yes. Tell Mark to buy champagne, he dumped the horse._

Her iPhone immediately rang: apparently Addison had forgot that Meredith wasn't able to discuss the news - but Derek walked back in the room with the pizza and her Coke and she was forced to refuse the call.

 _Damn it!_ Addison typed back quickly, and despite the situation, Meredith giggled.

"What's with the giggling?" he asked, gently moving Summer's nose away from the pizza's box.

"Nothing, " she shrugged. "Just a text."

"Let me guess… you spilled the beans to Addison while I went to open the door?" his tone was harsh - he wasn't the same Derek.

"No - I…" Meredith breathed softly, trying to justify herself even if she was entirely guilty. But she couldn't tell him the truth. "I'm sorry, Der," she told him, taking his hand gently. "For everything."

"No, it's my fault," he shook his head, then hiding it in Meredith's lap. "My head is a mess. Thanks God I have you."

* * *

Ellis Grey was a strong woman.

She had needed to be strong her entire life to gain the position she had now and to guarantee an education to her daughter, along with even more stability since she didn't have a dad. Despite the harshness she showed to the world, she had a soft, smiling spot, which was usually reserved to that beautiful daughter of hers. And to the man walking next to her, his arm wrapped around her waist as they silently walked along her street.

They had met almost fifteen years before, when Meredith had been a sweet, fragile children with pigtails, Thatcher was still in the picture and Ellis was fighting with everything she had to gain some sort of credibility at Seattle Grace. They had fallen in love at first sight and Ellis had always found funny that such a sweet, childish way to fall in love had happened to her, when everyone thought she was unable to love.

Fate brought them back, and finally together, almost five years before and between him and Meredith life couldn't be better.

Watching her daughter grow up was like watching a flower blossming. She was just worried about this boy she sometimes talked about, and even if Crayon Shepherd had told her that Meredith was extremely focused and the boy was nowhere to be seen, she couldn't help but wonder if it was true.

"Look how beautiful your daughter is," Richard murmured with his deep, baritone voice kissing her temple.

"Are you checking that damn thing again? I can't believe you joined Facebook!"

"It's fun," he shrugged, pushing the smartphone in Ellis' hands.

She couldn't believe her eyes.

She was looking at a picture - a picture of her daughter, who looked beautiful indeed, even if slightly dressed like a gypsy, curled up in a bench with Crayon Shepherd, looking all glorious and McDreamy (they really thought she didn't hear the gossip!) while they focused on an animal who looked more like a rat than a dog.

"What the hell is my daughter doing with Crayon Shepherd looking all giggly on a bench?" she hissed to Richard.

"Crayon?" Richard laughed.

"Yes," Ellis shrugged. "He isn't the brightest crayon in the box, you have to admit it!"

"He's great," Richard commented. "He's really talented, he's focused and driven, and a nice guy, too. I seem to remember he and Meredith were friends."

"Friends," Ellis muttered. Something in the equation didn't convince her through and through. Something was off. She hadn't calculated something. But what? Mostly, she wasn't aware that they had continued seeing each other.

She made a mental note to call Meredith and ask, but when she opened the door she frowned, finding it unlocked.

She really wasn't expecting to see her daughter on the living room carpet - her daughter that should be in school - laughing and watching TV with Crayon Shepherd, the black rat from the pic next to them.

She was happy to see her daughter - beyond happy. But Ellis Grey wasn't a patient woman.

She snapped: "What the hell is going on here?"

* * *

 **Dun dun dun - cliff!**

 **Thank you, CileSun92 3**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry, sorry, sorry for the delay!**

 **I've finished my uni exams, took a trip to Madrid... But I'm here and full of ideas!  
I promise you aren't going to wait that long again!**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

 _ **When the evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one there to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love**_

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

" _What the hell is going on here?"_

Derek's head, still comfortably resting in Meredith's lap, snapped up, a terrified look deforming his handsome face. He pushed himself into a sitting position, quickly removing his hand from Meredith's knee. His worst nightmare had become reality. He knew what it must have looked liked. He knew and he was terrified of it. In a second, behind his eyes passed a few images of himself getting tortured by Chief Grey.

Meredith, on the other hand, as soon as she realized it was just - _just!_ \- her mom and Richard, giggled and tried to keep Summer near them, the little dog barking like crazy for the first time since Derek had rescued her in the street. The girl seemed perfectly at ease, so much that she even squeezed Derek's hand, murmuring: "It's just them."

"Meredith?" Ellis asked, puzzled, while Richard smiled enthusiastically at Meredith and then politely at Derek, immediately registering the boy's scared eyes.

"Mommy!" Meredith exclaimed, grinning widely. Despite the general panic Derek felt, his heart squeezed in his chest for how sweetly Meredith greeted her mother. He couldn't get over how sweet she was.

"What are you doing here, missy? I believe you should be in Dartmouth, studying!"

"I'm off for the summer!" Meredith grinned again, not bothered at all by her mother's stern tone of voice. She jumped up and threw herself at Ellis. Ellis embraced her daughter, her hand going automatically to rest against Meredith's head in a gesture with both Richard and Derek were familiar. Every time she hugged her daughter, Ellis's body screamed protectiveness.

Meredith leaned back from Ellis' embrace and gladly buried herself in Richard's arms, kissing his cheek.

Ellis just stood there, her ice eyes scanning both Derek - still on the carpet, terrified and unable to think of a way to escape the scary situation - and Summer, sniffling excitedly Meredith's ankles and happily wagging her tail.

"What is Cr- uhm. Shepherd doing here with this brat?" Ellis asked, and Derek immediately jumped up, pulling himself in a sitting position.

"Good afternoon, Chief Grey. Hello, Dr. Webber."

"Hello, Derek," Richard greeted gently, his arm circling Meredith's shoulders.

"Der and I are having pizza," Meredith explained, bending to pick up Summer, and Richard stroke the dog's little head. "And she's Summer. She's my dog, Derek gave her to me. I hope you don't mind, Mom. She's so adorable!". Summer licked eagerly Meredith's nose and the girl practically squealed: "Aren't you, baby girl?!".

Derek's soft smile caressed Meredith's face and both Ellis and Richard saw it.

Ellis' mind took two seconds tops to put two and two together. Meredith was in love with a guy, or so she said. But Derek Shepherd was in her living room, apparently really comfortable on her carpet, and she knew how he was looking at her daughter.

Meredith was beautiful. Ellis was her mother, but she judged herself as a realistic person. And realistically, she knew her daughter was stunning. She had the most perfect face, the blonde waves, that smile and a perfect body, slim but curvy in all the right places. But Crayon Shepherd was a man and her daughter was anything but an innocent flower. Ellis was almost sure Meredith was almost entirely innocent when it came to men and her first reaction would be to forbid her to see that young man. Except she couldn't do it. She couldn't risk being the wicked witch everyone hated, since both her daughter and her man seemed to be so fond of Derek Shepherd. Damn her when she had decided to give him the night off to join Addison and Meredith in Dartmouth.

"The kids are just having fun, Ellis," Richard softly explaining, gently taking Ellis' hand, while Meredith sat on the carpet to play with the dog, giggling like crazy, and Derek kneeled next to her.

"Friends, uh?" hissed Ellis, but Richard touch never ceased to calm her down, even if they had met fifteen years ago.

"Leave them alone," Richard smirked, and Ellis sighed. She was definitely going to leave them alone.

Or she would have done so if that night she wouldn't have come home to find out that hanging out with Crayon Shepherd had made her daughter completely crazy.

Richard had suggested they went out to dinner, and – even if she had threatened him to sell his organs on Ebay if Derek Shepherd took her daughter's virginity on her living room carpet – Ellis had agreed.

When they came back, Meredith had been alone, curled up in a ball on the couch, Summer on her feet, texting like crazy and watching distractedly some talk show. She was wearing leggins and a t-shirt and she had greeted both Ellis and Richard with a sweet hug. Everything seemed okay, and Ellis and Richard had even joined her on the couch.

And then, Meredith had shown her craziness.

"Mommy, I was thinking about taking a trip to New York, this summer," the girl had informed, her eyes not leaving the screen of her iPhone. She was texting Addison or maybe even Crayon, Ellis could bet her medical degree.

"That's such a nice idea," Richard commented.

"Yes," Ellis nodded. "We can take a nice trip, you used to love New York's museums when you were little. I always love going to New York, I have plenty of friends. And we can even met Addison, doesn't she live there? I just hope I can book a week off."

Meredith's eyes snapped up from the screen.

"Oh…" she breathed. "Sorry, mom, but I already made plans. We'll go there, stay with Addison and Mark. And, oh! I didn't tell you. Derek's sister is turning thirty and Derek says we're gonna have a big party!"

"It's really nice, sweetie," Richard commented, reaching for Ellis' hand. He could practically smell Ellis' anger.

"We." Ellis commented.

"Yeah. Derek and I, of course."

"Are you asking for permission to go on a trip with Crayon Shepherd?"

Richard saw Meredith going all defensive as soon as Ellis called Derek Crayon, and for the first time since he met them, he suspected they were going to fight.

Meredith and Ellis never fought. They were always perfectly in tune, living in their own little word. There wasn't a person Meredith loved more than Ellis. Or at least, there had been until that moment. Richard had learned years ago to filter what he said to Ellis, but he had seen how Meredith looked at Derek, the way her eyes sparkled, how gentler and softer her voice and her touch were around him.

It was exactly like Ellis was around him.

Meredith had fallen in love with Ellis' resident. The mysterious guy was no one but Derek Shepherd, and he knew Ellis was aware of it too, but she didn't want to admit it. She was too scared to tell her daughter how to be happy in this new situation because she saw Derek as a rival.

"I was more informing than asking," Meredith replied, her tone measured but her voice already harsh. "And please, stop calling him Crayon."

"Oh, please, Meredith, this is pathetic. What are you? Friends?"

"Yes. And you are insulting us both."

"I'm not insulting anyone, I'm just trying to be realistic. He's a man and you're a girl. A young, innocent, girl."

"What are you saying? Derek would never… We'd never…" Meredith bit her tongue.

Richard gently called: "Girls, please -"

"What are you, in love with him?" Ellis laughed.

"Ellis!" Richard hissed, but she didn't hear or chose not to.

"This entire situation is pathetic, you have nothing in common, he's distracting you from your studies and anyway, whatever this is, is going to go nowhere. He's a resident, you're a pre-med. If you are in love with him, get rid of this fantasy right now. We're not talking about this anymore. You're not going to go with him."

Meredith stood up, her green eyes two pools of fire. As soon as the girl stood, Summer immediately woke up, whimpering.

"This is where you're wrong. I'm going to go, and you can't forbid me. I'm an adult, I'm making my own decisions. I'm just sad that for the first time in my life, you chose not to be by my side". Her tone softened when she told Summer, patting her own knees: "C'mon, baby. Let's go, Summer. Let's go see Daddy."

She grabbed a pair of Converse and Summer's leash, holding Summer against her hip with an arm, and even if Ellis yelled: "Meredith Elizabeth Grey, you aren't going out of this house!" she was gone.

* * *

 **New York City, New York**

Sneaking up to enjoy a break had been Addison's priority around midnight. She had started her shift at eight, did a quick round, some paperwork. Everything looked calm: Nicole Herman had told her to pay special attention that the patient in room 1243 didn't develop a temperature and she suspected Lynn Smith would go into labor before dawn, but for now, everything was under control.

Addison loved being on call in her field, alone. She loved the silence, the calmness, all the power in her hands and Nicole Herman's trust in her. She was the greatest OB/GYN and fetal surgeon in the country, and Addison was going to be her heir.

She looked at her watch: it was almost one in the morning. Time for a break. She had texted Meredith to postpone their phone meeting about Derek and the horse, but now she was free and she knew her friend was still up.

She hated being away from Meredith. What she really wanted to do was enjoy a coffee with her at human hours instead of squeezing calls between checking a fever and a uterus' dilatation.

As soon as she grabbed a coffee and a brownie she went to the resident's room, laid down on the couch and with her pager on the coffee table, she called her best friend.

"Addie?" Meredith's voice answered after a few rings. Addison knew immediately that she was crying.

"Mer? What's happening? Is it Derek?"

"No… my mom. We had a fight - we never fight."

"What happened?"

"She- she told me-" she hiccupped. "She told me I can't go to New York with Derek. She ask me if I'm in love with him, she said I'm stupid and she won't hear me, she doesn't know what I feel, no one know what I'm feeling and he broke up with the horse and I feel like a home wrecker and I love him and I wanna tell him but I can't and…"

"Mer, Mer, stop. You're rambling."

"Sorry. Anyway, we fought, Derek dumped the horse and I left home."

"What did you do?!"

"I left home. I grabbed Summer and my shoes and I went away."

Addison sat up. "Tell me what the hell is a Summer and where the fuck are you going."

For the first time, Meredith giggled slightly. "Summer is our dog. And I'm going at Derek's, I think. I would rather see you but…"

"Mer, you're worrying me. Do you need me to get on a plane and come to Boston? Or you wanna come here? You can fly tomorrow morning, if you want."

"Dunno," Meredith breathed. "I wanna see you but I don't wanna leave Derek. He just broke up, he might need me."

"Oh crap, you're so whipped," Addison laughed. "Are you there yet?"

"Yep. Just arrived."

"Text me if you need me, ok? I'll call you when I'm off."

"Yes. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, I think -" her pager went off. "Ok, no, my patient is in labor. I knew it! Gotta go, Mer. Say hi to Derek. Love you."

She heard Meredith replying a soft "I love you too," before she disconnected the call and ran away, paging Nicole Herman.

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Derek's head was a mess.

As soon as he had come home from Meredith's, he had tried to figure out the events of the day, apparently without any success.

He had been ecstatic about seeing Meredith. Everything had revolved around this. He had wanted to see her, he craved to be near her, and because of that, he had broken up with Rose. He wasn't stupid: he wasn't in love with Meredith but he realized clearly how his relationship with Rose had started being off after he and Meredith had grown so close.

He didn't know how he felt, what he felt. He had broken up with Rose and he had had an awkward meeting with Ellis Grey in the middle of her living room. Maybe he had been right when he had thought being involved with Meredith, in whichever way, was a mistake. He was a resident and Ellis was his Chief of Surgery, and he didn't like her intruding in his private life. And Meredith was his private life. Hell, Meredith was probably the most private thing he had. And he didn't want to be without her. He simply couldn't. He needed her, in some strange, messed up way, he wasn't willing to give up on her. So, he was going to find a way to manage with Ellis as Meredith's mom.

The doorbell rang, and Derek looked puzzled at the clock. What the hell could be at his door at one in the morning? As soon as he opened the door, his eyes widened ever more.

"Mer?" he breathed.

Meredith was really there, standing in front of his door at one in the morning, an old tee and a pair of leggins on, no make up, the blonde tresses, usually extremely brushed and fixed were a mess in a bun on her head, and she was sobbing her heart out, holding Summer closely to her chest. Even Summer was whimpering, clearly wondering what was the matter with her owner.

"Mer, are you hurt?" Derek asked, gently removing Summer from her hold and leaving the dog on the floor. The dog seemed to recognize the apartment and went straight on the couch. Derek gently took Meredith's hand, inviting her to come in.

"No," she shook her head. "I'm fine," she hiccupped. "I didn't know where else to go," she explained. She was shaking, it was a nice, warm night but her little shoulders were definitely shaking. Derek sighed and reached out, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her shaking body against his chest.

"Shh, Mer. Everything is okay, I'm here," he murmured stroking her back. He felt her body relaxing a little and her wet face searching comfort against his neck.

"Derek," she sobbed, grabbing the texture of his t-shirt with her fists.

They stood like that for a while, Derek stroking her back and hair, trying to calm her down, Meredith sobbing and shaking. Finally, he managed to drag her to the couch. He didn't know how, but as soon as they settled down he found Meredith sitting on his laps, crying quietly in his chest.

"Mer, tell me what happened," he breathed.

"Fight with my mom," she mumbled.

She had fought with her mother. She never fought with her mom. He was sure it had been about him.

"What about?"

"Us-" she hiccuped a little. "Us coming to New York. Us being friends."

"Oh," he murmured, kissing her head. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"But it was. Mer... " he sighed deeply. "Mer, if you think it would be better for us to to stop being friends…"

She snapped her head up, eyes wide and terrified, her body immediately leaving the comfort of his arms. "What!" she gasped. "No!"

* * *

Meredith couldn't stop playing the scene in her mind, again and again.

Derek had managed to calm her down, made her some tea, and now they were lying down on his bed, Summer curled up at their feet, watching a movie she was just pretending to watch because her mind just couldn't stop.

" _Mer, if you think it would be better for us to stop being friends…"_

" _No!" she gasped, panic running in her veins. "I don't," she blurted out, feeling anything but panic. The panic was squeezing her heart making it hard to breath._

" _Ok, ok, it was just a suggestion," he said quietly but firmly. "I thought it would be easier for you."_

" _Derek - I won't. I can't."_

" _I don't want too, don't worry."_

" _No, Der. Derek, I - I love you!" she blurted out. She had told him. Finally, it was out. Three little words, there, hanging in the space between them, three words_ _said_ _for the first time in her life._

 _He smiled sweetly and hugged her again._

" _I know, Mer. I love you too. You are my best friend," he had replied._

She had told him.

She had wanted to tell him that she loved him since their first time in New York, and finally she had blurted it out in a moment of panic. And he had misunderstood! He had thought she meant as a beast friend. And she couldn't find the courage to correct him.

 _Mer, I love you too_ , he had smiled. And she was ready to give away a kidney for him to mean those words like she did. She could have taken the kidney from her body by herself, using a kitchen knife.

They had laid in bed and he had wanted to know everything about her fight with her mom. He had kissed her forehead twice and told her he would talk to her the following day at work.

Her iPhone on his bed table ringed again. Her mom. She groaned.

"Pass me the phone…"

"Are you going to answer her? She might be worried."

"No, I'm not. I just wanna delete her calls."

"Meredith Elizabeth…"

"No, Derek Christopher, no middle names. We're not talking about this anymore."

But in that moment, a text from Richard appeared between Ellis' calls.

 _Sweetie, you ok? I just want to know if you are somewhere safe._

She sighed deeply. He couldn't leave him like that, worrying all night.

 _I'm not going to answer my mom's calls,_ she typed quickly. _But I'm at Derek's so don't worry._

She was desperate. Her mother had lost her mind. She would probably need to fight a hard battle to go to New York. She wasn't used to be away from home like that, mad at her mother. And, last but definitely not least, Derek treated her like a sister. Like his best friend. She had tried, she had dressed up nicely, she had even undressed a little, when they had been at her place with Addison, and now she had told him she loved him. Still, he didn't understand. He didn't get it. He would never feel the same.

A feeling of sadness invaded Meredith's body, and sighing softly, she fell asleep, wanting to forget everything.

* * *

Derek Shepherd had woken up to two strange facts.

First: he wasn't alone in bed. And it was something that happened rarely. He and Rose almost never spent the night together, and anyway, he clearly remembered they broke up the day before. Sometimes in New York, when they were little, Amelia used to slide in bed by his side. But Amelia was almost twenty, it's been almost six years since the last time she had done it, and he wasn't in New York. He was in Boston, in his ugly condo, wrapped in the light summer sheets of his bed. His nostrils were full of a sweet, amazing lavender scent and two bony arms, even sweeter than the perfume, wrapped around his torso.

Meredith.

Meredith was sleeping in his bed. Meredith was sleeping in his bed, in his arms, and she was snoring. A loud, annoying sound coming from such a little person which was slightly adorable.

The thought clicked almost instantly. Meredith that had fought with Ellis because of their friendship and had come over because she didn't know where else to go. Meredith who was the sanest thing in his life, in that moment.

Second: his iPhone's screen was filled with texts from Addison and Mark. Well, just one was from Mark - _u d_ _u_ _mped the horse! Way to go, man! Screwing P Grey already?_

Derek couldn't help but groan and he immediately felt Meredith slide closer against his chest. He looked down and saw a beautiful face, her chubby cheek mashed against his tee.

He couldn't help but smile turning his attention back to the series of Addison's texts.

 _How's Mer? She calmed down?_

 _Are u sleeping? Did Mer go home?_

 _Mer isn't answering her phone. Worried._

And then, finally something about him: _Mer told me u & Rose broke up. U ok? Need to talk? Call me in the morning._

He loved Addison. He knew she had hated Rose as much as Mark and the rest of his family, but as soon as she heard they broke up, she asked if he was okay, if he needed anything. She was a great friend, and he was lucky to have her, and happy that Mer has her. With a mother like Ellis Grey, loving but strong and opinionated, Meredith needed someone like Addison.

He sat up on the bed, Meredith's head sliding on his stomach, and called Addison.

"Derek! Perfect timing! I'm off and going home."

"Morning, Addie," he murmured, smiling at how Meredith hummed in her sleep. He silently started to stroke her hair.

"Why are you whispering?"

"Mer's sleeping on me," he laughed softly.

He heard Addie breathe "Oh," then, the girl asked "Is she okay?"

"It took a while to calm her down but she's quiet and she slept all night. We probably fell asleep while we were watching a movie, but I'm I could keep an eye on her."

"She fought with her mom and you broke up with Rose. What a nice day!"

"Yeah, lucky us. But it's okay. I'm fine, I'm just worried about her. And about her mom… today I'll see her and I'll speak to her."

"What are you gonna tell her?"

"That I like her daughter's company, that we're friends… I want to tell her to leave Mer alone but I guess I can't do that."

Addison laughed: "No, you can't. Unless you wanna be fired. And try to put yourself in her shoes. You're a man, Mer's a girl. I know how you two feel about each other because I know you but she doesn't. Just remember this."

"I'll try," Derek sighed, and in that moment, Meredith started to wake up. "Good morning," he told her. "Addie, Mer's awake."

"Mmmh," Meredith mumbled, trying to bury her face in his stomach even more, but Summer was licking her face eagerly and in a few seconds she started barking.

"We need to take her out," Derek guessed. He leaned down to kiss Meredith twice, once on the forehead and once on the cheek. Then, he passed her his phone: "Here, talk to Addie. Let's go pee, Summer!". And he ran from the room.

Suddenly the thought of facing Ellis was less scary, if he kept in mind Meredith's eyes when she had woken up.

* * *

"I told him I love him," Meredith breathed on the phone, as soon as she heard the front door closing.

"What?!" Addison gasped. "Holy mother of hell!"

"No need to be scared, he's a moron," she complained. "He replied he loves me too, 'cause I'm his best friend. I'm his best friend, can you believe that? His best friend! I don't know if I'm more mad at him or at my mom. What the hell do I need to do? It's not that he doesn't want to be with me, or that he doesn't love me, it's that he doesn't even realize that I'm a woman! He thinks I'm his sister and I'm going crazy!"

"Mer, sweetie, calm down. We'll find a way, okay? You need to calm down," Addison hummed softly, hoping to calm her down with her tone of voice, but Meredith was already crying.

"I'm so happy to have him in my life, but I want so much more… He's available now, but I'm not sure I can watch him fall in love with another girl. It might kill me."

"Okay, okay, relax. First, you have to figure things out with you mom."

"But -"

"No buts, Meredith Elizabeth!"

Meredith mumbled "Why is everyone middle-naming me recently?" but Addison choose to ignore it.

"You figure things out with Ellis, and then we'll organize your trip to New York. Hopefully, you two will leave New York as something more than just friends!"

* * *

Derek was jogging to take his patient for a CT.

It was already a stressful day - his attending had given him a long list of things to do, and he was divided between deciding if he needed to find Ellis Grey or keep avoiding her.

He usually went for avoiding. But he couldn't erase Meredith's pleading eyes from his mind. He had left her at his condo that morning, and he knew he needed to do something for her.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

He turned around, slightly afraid of the voice, but he sighed in relief when he saw that Richard Webber was alone. He even liked the man, but not with Ellis around. Honestly, he was still trying to figure out how Richard had managed to fall in love with a woman like Ellis Grey.

"Yes, sir?" he replied. He knew this was about Meredith.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking Mr. Roben down for a CT. Do you need anything?"

"Can you join me when you're done? I'll be waiting for you in the cafeteria."

 _What a shitty day_ , Derek thought as he nodded and walked away.

 _What a shitty day_ , he repeated in his mind as soon he sat down in front of Richard Webber.

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

"I was wondering how's Meredith doing. She texted me that she was with you yesterday."

"Yes," Derek nodded. "Meredith and Summer are still there. She told me she didn't want to go home and I didn't feel like forcing her."

"You did good. I understand. Did she tell you what happened?"

 _Crap, this sound like and interrogation._

"She was really upset about the mere idea of fighting with her mom, but I understood they fought about me."

"You are the first person Meredith picked over Ellis. Our girl seems to be really fond of you and this scares Ellis to death."

 _Our girl._ Richard spoke about Meredith like she was his own daughter. Derek couldn't help but smile: he loved people who loved his little, funny, snoring Mer.

"I understand, sir, but I truly care about your daughter." Derek didn't miss the smile on Richard's face when he said _your_. "I would never hurt her, I would never turn her against her mother. She's my best friend, and I want her to be happy."

"I'm not against your friendship. Quite the contrary, I'm a fan of it," Richard grinned. "I appreciate you as a doctor and as a person, and I just wanted to tell you that you don't need to worry: Ellis will come around. I know my Ellis."

Derek was about to believe the statement if Ellis hadn't walked in the cafeteria in that exact moment.

"Derek Shepherd!" she exclaimed. Everyone looked at him, while Ellis crossed the room with a few steps and sat down with them. "Where is my daughter and that rat of yours?"

Thank God she had lowered her voice.

"She's at my place, Chief. I told her to call you but she refused. I was about to call you myself but she told me she had texted Dr. Webber, so I left her alone."

"How is she?" Ellis asked, and Derek saw her eyes going soft immediately. "I miss my bug, I'm not used to be mad at her."

"She misses you too, Chief," Derek smiled. "She's good. After she stopped crying I managed to calm her down."

"We never fight. Never."

"That's what she said. I understand your fight was about me. I'm sorry, I've never wanted to cause you any problems."

Derek had never been more scared in his life. Ellis' eyes turned icy again, and she said: "Okay, Crayon. If Meredith is home tonight for dinner and I might like you enough to let you see my daughter."

"She will be, Chief." He nodded, and when his pager went off and he realized he had an escape.

He truly wished he could kiss his attending.


	6. Chapter 6

**I know, I knw. I'm sorry.**

 **I wanted to post an author note telling you I was alive and just busy but I thought that was mean. So I made you wait... But I think it was worth it! You'll tell me...**

 **Thank you for all your words. They really made my day.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

 _ **The wind of change are blowing wild and free,**_

 _ **you haven't seen nothing like me yet.**_

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

When Ellis had come home from her shift, she had been surprised to find her daughter curled up on the couch with a novel, that rat of hers napping like always on her stomach.

"What are you reading?" she asked, testing the waters.

"Re-reading, actually," Meredith nodded, raising her face from the book to offer her mother a smile. " _Wuthering Heights."_

Ellis approached the couch and gave Meredith a kiss on her hair. "One of my favorites."

Apparently, Crayon Shepherd had done a great work on her and Meredith was herself again.

"I'm surprised to find you at home on a Saturday night. Is Cr- I mean, is Derek working?" she asked, deciding to somehow make a peace offer.

Meredith checked the time on her iPhone and then, with her eyes back on the page, she replied: "His shift ends in thirty. We're going for an ice-cream or a beer. Maybe it's better if I get ready."

In that moment, anyway, Meredith's phone went off and she exclaimed "Jake!" than jumped off the couch and ran upstairs, Springs - ok, no, the rat's name was… Summer - Summer closely following.

* * *

Usually, Derek didn't mind working on weekends.

With Mark and Addison in New York, Meredith at Dartmouth and his lack of desire to see Rose, spending time in the hospital always seemed like the better choice. He kept checking his watch, hoping that the last hour of his shift flew by. He had broken up with Rose and Mark and Addie were still in New York, but it was summer and Meredith was in Boston. And nothing was better than spending the night downtown with his best friend and their dog.

A quick look at his phone confirmed him that the battery was low, so before going to check on his last patient he decided to make a stop in the locker room to put it on charge.

He was so focused in doing so and quickly texting Meredith that he was going to leave the phone in his locker for a bit that he almost jumped up when he heard a few male interns whispering between each other.

"Yeah, I saw her like two days ago. She's totally fuckable, let me tell you."

"I saw her too! She was leaning on the nurse desk gossiping with them, I don't know who she was waiting for, but I took a five-minute break to enjoy her ass."

"She has the perfect ass! It's so full and round, and those jeans she wears… I'm hard just thinking about it."

Derek almost laughed. Intern with crazy hormones… Something he definitely remembered.

"And wanna talk about her rack? She has the greatest boobs! Not the biggest, but definitely the hottest."

"I wanna fuck her," sighed the first one. "I don't care if she's the Chief's daughter, I definitely wanna bite every inch of her."

Derek froze. It took almost five minutes to gain back his movements and walk out of the room.

The fuckable girl they were talking about, the one with the perfect ass and the great boobs… _was his Meredith_?

No. It definitely wasn't possible.

Meredith was… Okay, Meredith was a girl, and he was aware of that. She was a beautiful girl, too, with the green-grey eyes, the blonde hair and that bright smile. But… great ass and boobs? Completely fuckable? She had slept _on_ him. She had been with him, around him, for months… how could he had not noticed all of this things? Well, he had checked her legs once, in her kitchen in Hanover. But nothing else. Derek was pretty sure he had never ever noticed her boobs or her ass.

Even if he shivered at the thought of what Ellis Grey could have said of him checking out her precious, innocent daughter, he couldn't help but feel like a moron. Four guys wanted to fuck his best friend and he… He stopped.

He was going toward his patient's room but when his mind formed this thought he just stopped. He was about to conclude his interior reasoning with how _not interested_ he was in how Meredith looked like but that wouldn't be the truth. He was annoyed about the fact that he had to hear other guys speaking about her to notice.

He was annoyed by those four guys and all the things they had said about her. He had been annoyed by that Finn constantly hitting on her. _Meredith was his_. Even if he didn't know what her ass and boobs looked like, she was his. And maybe he just wanted to keep on avoiding because he couldn't realize how beautiful and sexy Meredith really was. Because otherwise, he would have understood how very much he needed her, in every possible way.

Derek shook his head. The long shift had made him lose his mind.

He didn't want Meredith neither did he need her. She was his best friend and he appreciated how fresh and tasty everything was when she was around. But that had to be enough, because nothing more could ever exist between the two of them. She was his best friend. He didn't feel nothing more for her than what he felt for Mark or for Addison. End of story.

He had a patient to check on.

* * *

"So, this… Jake is going out with you and Derek?"

Meredith listened to Addison voice staring intently at the dresses in her closet. This was going to be tragic.

"Yeah. We had tons of classes together, at Dartmouth. He just called to tell me he's in Boston for a few days. I already promised Derek I was going to meet him for a beer so I just asked him to come along."

"I'm sure Derek is not going to like this one bit."

"He won't mind. He doesn't care, Addie, believe me. He doesn't even know I'm a woman."

"This is why this Jake can do wonders to your case. You need to make Derek jealous."

Meredith gasped. "Addie, you're the best resident at Mount Sinai but I swear, I expected better from you. Trying to make people jealous doesn't work well even in movies. It won't work for us."

"It will," Addie giggled. "Do you trust me? Of course you do, I'm your best friend. You need to make him jealous, so you're gonna do what I tell you. Believe me, girl, you're gonna thank me…"

* * *

When Meredith had texted him to ask if he wouldn't mind the company of a classmate of hers, Derek had been immediately pissed off and that strange, unwanted feeling, along with the tiny, angry voice whispering _Meredith is mine_ had come back.

He didn't wanted to spend time with anyone but her - he had had a long day and he just wanted the comfort of his best friend, the feeling of her warm, bony arms when she hugged him, the scent of her hair. Her smile.

He had texted back that sure, no problem, he would be happy to meet her friend. And now, here he was, sitting outside their favorite bar, waiting for her and trying to fake a welcoming smile.

Meredith appeared a couple of minutes later, and Derek almost choked on his drink. He had recognized her just because of Summer and the tote bag she always wore, because for the rest, that sexy girl walking toward him could be _anyone but his Meredith._

She had her long hair up in a elegant bun, and even if he loved the loose curls, he discovered himself appreciating the line of her neck. She was wearing make up - a little bit on her eyes and a dark lipstick that made impossible for him to look anywhere but at her lips. Her outfit was pretty simple: a pair of jeans that hugged her legs like a second skin and a low-cut white t-shirt. This wasn't Little Princess Grey, with her jewelry flats and her elegant skirts. This, was just Meredith. His Meredith. And he had never realized how sexy his Meredith was.

Yet, every feeling he had had for her the first time he saw her in New York City came back to him - it was the need to watch her, to follow the curves of her body with his eyes. He felt in that moment like he had months ago, when Meredith wasn't Meredith - twenty years old, adorable giggle, Chief's daughter, _According to Jim_ and pizza together, co-owner of his dog - but just a girl he was looking at, a girl he had found gorgeous immediately. A girl that he had wanted that night, and he might want tonight, too.

"Hey!" she grinned as soon as she saw him. She let herself drop on the chair in front of him, offering a wide smile.

"Hey, yourself," he couldn't help but smile back. "You look - uhm. Good."

Her smile widened ever more. "You too!" she replied.

"You didn't even kiss me hello."

She leaned toward him and kissed his cheek, quickly, appreciating the scent of his after-shave like every time she was close to him. She made a mental note to text Addison about that later to ask if he demanded kisses from her, too.

"How was your shift?" she asked immediately, gesturing the waiter for a drink.

"Long and boring. Rounds, a couple of hours in the pit with anything interesting, post-ops. Your day?"

"Relaxing," she smiled, leaned back against her chair. "I bathed, I read, I took Summer for a walk."

 _She bathed_. Derek swallowed some beer trying to keep a composure.

"Your mom?" he asked to avoid thinking about her naked, wet skin. He was losing his mind.

"Came home to ask me why I was home instead of out with you."

Derek smiled. "Maybe she's warming up to the idea of us and you can come to New York."

"I'm coming to New York anyway. She can't lock me in my room and in case no one noticed, I'm an adult."

"I've noticed," he replied quickly grabbing her hand.

Why was he so touchy today? He was surprised of himself. Sometimes they could talk for hours without touching at all… He couldn't stop watching her. She was talking and he could just watch her, the curve of her breasts and hips under the shirt, the delicious trail of freckles going down between her breasts… He wondered if tasting the freckles would be as delicious as looking at them.

He shook his head, abruptly pulling back from the table and her hand. He was just confused by what he had heard, but he couldn't think like that. She was his best friend. No thinking about her rack. He never wondered about Addison's body. This had to stop.

A tiny little voice inside his head screamed at him that he might not feel for Mer what he felt for Addison, but the voice had to stop, too.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked, gently resting her chin on her hand. Everything about her was adorable. And delicious. And addicting.

"Yes. Yes, sorry. Wasn't a friend of yours supposed to come along?"

The smile on Meredith's face felt like a kick in the stomach.

"Jake! Yes! He should be already here…" she turned to look around and of course, that caused the shirt to reveal more of her chest. Derek was really having a hard time controlling himself.

"Hey!" she exclaimed.

Apparently this Jake had come, after all, even if Derek had hoped until the very last moment he wouldn't. He watched in disbelief as Meredith stood up, and he fought a wave of anger - a sharp pain across his stomach - as her lithe body disappeared between two muscular arms, her head resting on his chest.

"Hey, Mer," this Jake greeted, letting her go but scanning her body from head to toe. Derek was sure his eyes had rested a moment too long on her breasts. "You look hot. Like always!"

And Meredith giggled. He said she was hot and _she giggled._ She never reacted like that when he complimented her. Of course, his compliments were always _you look nice_ or _you look cute_. He had never called her hot. Not once. He hadn't even thought she might be hot until now.

Meredith turned to him and smiled: "Derek, this is my classmate, Jake Johnson. Jake, this is Derek Shepherd, my best friend and the best neuro resident at Mass Gen."

Derek smiled gently at her and shook Jake's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too," he replied, and Derek had the sensation he might even be a nice person, when he wasn't attached at the hip to his Meredith.

 _His_ Meredith. Here came the possessive already. She wasn't his. She could never be his, and most of all, he had decided a long time ago _he didn't want her to be his_. Let alone it was impossible - she wasn't interested in him that way… Not that he was.

Meredith called him back from his thoughts gently squeezing his shoulder.

"Yes, sorry," he said to her, immediately letting his hand rest on hers, on his shoulder. "What were you saying?"

"I was asking if you wanted another beer, Der."

"That would be great, but I'm going to grab them. Margarita?" when Meredith nodded, Derek leaned in to kiss the bridge of her nose - actually, the first spot he reached. He saw her eyes going wide but he played dumb and asked Jake: "Want a beer, man?"

"Yes, thank you so much!"

While he was leaning against the bar counter, waiting for their drinks to be ready, Derek felt like he was unable to work with this situation. He had never felt for Meredith what he was feeling tonight, and he couldn't help but wonder if there were real feelings or just his… male reaction to what he had heard from those interns.

Truth was, he had felt attracted to Meredith the first time he had saw her and a handful of times had he refused the idea of something more between them. He had been entirely focused on her being his little best friend, but tonight he was pissed by Jake's presence. And not because he didn't like him, the boy actually had great manners, but just because he had called Meredith hot and was sitting too close to her.

He sighed. Meredith was great, she was beautiful, and she was shitting with his head. If he really was feeling what he thought he was feeling… it was going to be hell.

"Hey," a gentle voice caressed his ears as soon as the bartender pulled the drinks toward him. Derek turned around and found a girl, standing next to him. She was pretty, with curly red hair and green eyes. Pretty, but nothing like Meredith.

"Hi," he greeted back, picking up the drinks. He had already left Meredith alone with Jake too much.

"I'm Jessica," the girl nodded. "I would like to shake your hand but you look a little busy."

Derek smiled. "Yes, sorry. I'm Derek."

"Nice to meet you, Derek. Could one of those drinks be for me?" she asked flirting. Derek groaned a little, hoping she wouldn't hear him. He didn't have time and he wasn't interested.

"Sorry, no. They're for my girlfriend and our… friend."

Calling Meredith his girlfriend had slipped from his lips. To let her know he wasn't interested, of course, but maybe not only.

"Where is she?" Jessica asked, and Derek tilted his head in Meredith's direction.

"Gorgeous blonde with the white tee." He had already lied, so he might carry on with the story as well. What a night.

"Wavy hair, sitting with a guy in a black shirt?"

"Yes, that's her."

Jessica grimaced a little and left with a compassionate smile, leaving Derek dumbfounded. He turned to go back out, and then he understood it all: Meredith and Jake were laughing together. Jake had an arm wrapped around her shoulders, bringing her closer to him. She giggled and rested her head on his shoulder.

Derek was already insane and not able to see that her eyes, usually so shiny, were lifeless.

Then, Jake dared kissing her lightly on the cheek and for Derek that was too much. He grabbed the drinks and went back to their table, dropping the glasses in front of them.

Of course, Meredith left Jake's arms immediately and greeted him with a bright "Der!", but Derek grabbed the light jacket he had left on his chair and said: "I have to go, you two can enjoy your company," and without another word, he walked away.

Panic invaded Meredith's system.

He had left - just like that. Derek never left like that. He never left her alone with other people and when she walked to places he made sure to stay with her to give her a lift home.

What was the matter, now? A tiny teeny suspicion made his way to her mind. Maybe her plan was working. Maybe he was jealous. Maybe Addie had been right.

"What was that?" Jake asked, but Meredith stood up abruptly, pulling Summer up in her arms.

"I'm sorry, I have to go after him. I'll call you!" she grabbed her bag and ran.

She didn't even have the time to wonder where he could be, because just after she turned the corner Summer started barking happily, moving against Meredith's chest.

Derek was sitting on a bench, his head between his hands. Meredith left the dog free to run to him, and when Derek spotted Summer jumping to him, he slightly stroked her and then said: "Meredith."

"What the fuck?" she asked, throwing her bag on the bench. She was mad. She was mad because she didn't know what was wrong with him, because she didn't want to hope he had finally realized she was _there_.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"I'm sorry, do I look like I'm giving you a choice?"

In any other circumstance, Derek would have laughed, at least smiled. She looked so much like her mother, bossing her staff around. She had the same strength, but she was sweeter, calmer.

"What do you want to know?"

"Well, for example why you left after kissing me and then you came back and walked away, just like that. You never leave me alone."

"It looks like you were happier with that… Jake."

She snorted. "Oh, that's bullshit. I'm happier with you than with anyone else, idiot."

"Why the hell are you calling me an idiot?"

"Why the hell did you leave me alone!"

"I didn't want to stay and see you dry fucking him!" he yelled.

Meredith gasped. "You're nuts!"

"It's...all day! The whole fucking day! I think and - I don't know and then you, and… Oh, God," he groaned. He grabbed for her wrist and pulled her to him, so that Meredith fell on his lap.

"Oh," she gasped.

"Hi," Derek breathed. Slowly, tentatively, his arms went around her waist. Their gazes met and he was terrified. Entirely terrified. He wanted to kiss her. She was in his arms and he wanted to kiss her, wanted to discover if they might be something more for each other. A kiss was going to show him his true feelings but he was terrified of hurting her.

She was silent. Her eyes were caressing his face. She held up her hands and after a moment of doubt he felt her long, sweet fingers through his curls, caressing his scalp. A tentative smile caressed her lips and in that moment he thought he was looking at a girl who was in love. Could it be? Could he have been so blind?

"Mer…" he whispered, smiling back at her. Her smile was more confident, such as the fingers working in his curls.

"I don't like him," she whispered. "I don't care about him," she added. "He's just a classmate. A friend. Nothing like you."

"I'm confused," he whispered. "I can't figure out what's happening."

She shifted closer against his chest and he held her tighter.

"No one is like you," Derek whispered and slightly leaned in, his face getting closer to hers.

Meredith shivered, her eyes closing. Waves after waves of thrills went down her back, tears stopping in her throat. It was happening, he was about to kiss her. The man of her life, the only man she had ever loved - _the only man she would ever love_ \- was about to kiss her.

Sighing, Derek closed the gap between them and gently put his lips against hers. Meredith immediately moaned, and he picked the courage to kiss her, gently but passionately. His stomach closed around itself in a knot. His hands were sweating like crazy when one rested firmly on her hip and the other one went to raise her chin, allowing his mouth to claim her as his.

Derek was kissing her like she had always dreamed.

Her arms tightened around his neck as he pumped his lips against hers, then tasting the inside of her soft lip with her tongue.

She sighed and immediately opened her mouth to his tongue. She was his - entirely his. She would have given him her virginity in that moment if he would have asked.

"Oh, Mer," he sighed, stopping kissing her but keeping his lips against hers. "My Mer…".

Meredith hiccuped and hid her face against his neck.

They stayed like that for hours, holding each other on the bench, wondering what that kiss would do to their friendship. He had never thought he would sit like that on a bench, holding his best friend against his chest, the taste of her lips still on his. It was absurd yet entirely amazing. Her lips were amazing, she was amazing. He didn't know if that meant he wanted to try date her - he wasn't even sure if he was ready to face the tons of problems they were going to have if their relationship turned that way. He just wanted to kiss her again.

His hand moved to her shoulder to her chin, pulling her face up. She had tears in her eyes and she was even more beautiful, her face in the moonlight, her lips red from his kisses.

"What should we do, now?" he asked softly, his lips landing on her forehead.

"Kiss me again, please?" she asked softly, and he smiled widely before catching her lips again. Without any doubt, this time, their tongues danced together, hands caressing hair and faces. Meredith had never been so happy in her life - and Derek was starting to think that maybe he was, too.

When the kisses ended he stroked her hair and she asked timidly: "Are you off tomorrow?"

"Yes," he nodded, smiling. "Wanna do something?"

"I wanna go to the beach," she whispered. "We can make a trip, something like that."

"Our Summer would love to play in the water," he grinned, looking down at their dog, playing with a little stone.

"Will you pick me up?" she breathed, feeling the impulsive need to kiss him again, to never stop kissing him.

"Of course," he replied, pecking her lips. And neither of them asked the question hanging between them like a big pink elephant: _where is this leaving us?_


	7. Chapter 7

**I know you can't believe your eyes, but I'm back. Yes, really back – and I'm about to update every one of my stuff (plus two one-shots I thought about, so stay tuned). I'm sorry, I'm terribly sorry. I suck. I'll try to do better! But I'm not going to quit and I'm not going to leave any of my story unfinished.**

 **Two quick thank you before the update: the first one to Nicole, aka Paisley Mae, who helped me with this chapter. The second one is to Patsy – she always, always reviews everything I write (minus my Addie/Mer story but no one actually reads it, LOL) and when I get lost she immediately review again to remember me that I have people who's actually waiting for my stuff. And it's amazing. So, thank you!**

 **Back to Meredith and Derek… This update (which I'm not entirely happy with, I'm still suffering a writer block) is a little angsty and totally Mer/Der. From the next one, Addison, Mark and Ellis will be back. Right now, Derek needs to sort out a lot of things and Meredith… Meredith is longing. Anyway, don't panic: I always do happy ending, so have faith in me!**

 **Enjoy this and let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

 _ **There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
to make you feel my love.**_

* * *

 **Somewhere outside of Boston, Massachusetts**

Derek had stressed all night long about his beach day with Meredith.

Usually, he would have been entirely happy spending a day between sand and water away from Boston, chatting with his best friend, relaxing and playing with their dog. He had had such a stressful winter, but now summer was here, Meredith was there and he simply couldn't wait to live it with her, enjoying Boston and, later, New York. If life with Meredith Grey was happy, life with her, Mark and Addison would be simply perfect.

But then, the night before they had complicated everything.

He had been so mad seeing her with that classmate of hers, laughing and talking with just that alluring white t-shirt on. And later, it had seemed so natural to hold her close while kissing her lips. Kissing her had been amazing – she was a great kisser and her lips fit perfectly against his, but there was more; she had been sweet and passionate, giving herself to him so freely and affectionately. If he could consider giving them a chance as a couple, Meredith will probably make an amazing girlfriend. There was more, obviously. Ellis Grey being the first factor – he was slightly terrified of her and suspected she would expose his head on the wall of her living room. Plus, he actually didn't know if Meredith was actually a virgin – she probably was, when he had tried asking Addison she had babbled something and changed the subject immediately. Even the mere possibility freaked him out, and he didn't know why. He cared for her, he had feelings for her, he would have taken her virginity with all the sweetness he had in him. He was sure of it, but still. And then, there was the last factor – the mysterious boy Meredith was in love with.

How could she be completely in love with someone else and have kissed him like that the night before?

He sighed deeply, parking his car in front of the Grey house and waiting for Meredith to come out. He had promised her, and here he was, waiting for her. Despite everything, and the confusion he was feeling, he wasn't going to treat her any different. She was his best friend, and even if they had met just a couple of months before, she had been his rock through everything. He wasn't going to cause her any pain.

Immediately, Derek sort of knew how to sort things out. They were going to spend the day together and he would try to talk to her about everything. At least, he would try. She was his best friend, first of all, and they deserved to be at least honest with each other.

"Hey!" Meredith greeted, appearing at the door and Summer barking behind her. She was wearing a pair of green shorts and a white crop top which hugged her breasts perfectly. Her hair was up in a bun and a big pair of sunglasses covered her face. She was carrying a big green handbag, which ended up in the back of the car with Summer. She let herself slide in the seat beside him and grinned widely.

"Good morning." he smiled back, and despite everything, he felt the need to kiss her again. She was perfect – beautiful, classy and sassy, but most of all, he couldn't get enough of the light in her eyes and smile when she looked at him. Nobody, in twenty-eight years of life, had looked at him that way until this weird and gorgeous girl.

Boldly, Meredith leaned forward to wrap her arms around him. Gladly, he hugged her, deeply breathing her lavender scent. Without thinking, he kissed the corner of her mouth and Meredith shyly brushed her lips against his.

When they parted, he just smiled and said, "Let's go."

Meredith had fully expected him to bring her to the usual beach, where she used to go with her mom and Richard (rarely, of course. Ellis Grey wasn't exactly a woman who had time to waste on beaches) but he had other ideas. She didn't know how, but he had find them a secret spot hidden by trees. There was nobody near – just rocks ( _Perfec_ t for sunbathing, Meredith thought grinning), trees, and water. Summer immediately ran as fast as her little legs could carry her, and Meredith and Derek, laughing awkwardly, began to strip from their clothes.

She felt his eyes on her when she stood there just in her black bikini, and she offered him a smile. She had spent most of her night at the phone with Addison, and then she had just stared at the ceiling, smiling like a goof thinking that finally, he had maybe realized she was a woman. Right now, anyway, she can see the excitement in his eyes, but she even realized they were awkward. She sighed deeply and offered: "Do you wanna talk about yesterday?"

"Sure." He nodded. "You are my best friend – we can't just pretend nothing happened."

Derek sat back on a rock, offering her a hand to do the same. She sat down beside him, their hands immediately searching for each other.

"I like you," he offered. "I mean, I've always have – you're my best friend."

"I'm just your best friend?" she interrupted, holding tightly on his hand. He shook his head no. "No, lately my feelings have changed a little. I didn't care that I broke up with Rose, you know? I don't care that your mom hates me, I just want to be near you. It's like… I don't know, but I feel like me and you are enough."

"I feel like that since the first time I saw you," she whispered, looking down. She know what was happening – he seemed ready, their relationship was probably about to change. She was about to offer him her heart. She had never been this happy and this terrified in her entire life.

He drew her close to kiss her lips, his arms wrapping tightly around her waist. Every doubt seemed to be gone: he didn't care about her mother or her virginity or anything else. He just wanted that sweet girl for himself. The rest, they will figure it out with time.

She kissed him back with all her love, her shy hands caressing his naked shoulders. His hand went to her head to free her blonde locks from the ponytail holder, and without knowing how, she found herself with her back against the rock, Derek leaning on her. His hands were caressing her hair and waist, and she felt like laughing, noticing how much he wanted to avoid looking at her breasts.

They kissed some more – he kissed her lips and her nose, along her jawline and to her neck. She shivered, her eyes closed. She had been kissed before. Clearly. A random guy she had gone to prom with had even got lucky and touched her butt (thanks to a few shots of tequila). And then, there had been Finn, who had tested his boundaries. Meredith had never felt like this before, so safe and calm in the arms of a man, even If half naked. She just needed to look into his blue eyes to know that he would never hurt her on purpose. Derek wasn't a random boy – he was the man she loved. She felt loved and treasured so when he kissed a path down her throat to her chest she just breathed deeply.

"I don't really know how to handle this," he confessed, laughing softly as he rested his head against his breasts. Her fingers went to stroke his curls.

"I like to be with you like this," he murmured. "You are beautiful and passionate. But I'm also a little afraid. You aren't a random girl. I mean – you're my Meredith. I can't date you for some weeks and then dump you 'cause I prefer to spend time with my best friend."

She kissed his head and laughed gently. "I guess we're lucky I'm your best friend, then."

"I guess we are," he agreed, turning his head and kissing her breast without thinking. Surprised, she gasped, and Derek in that moment had the confirmation he has been waiting for: his Meredith was definitely a virgin.

"Sorry," he murmured, hoping he hadn't scared her away.

"Nothing to be sorry for," she breathed. And, after a few minutes: "Der?"

"Mmh?"

"This can't be a fling for a reason."

"Besides your mom scalping me?"

"Yes, besides that."

He sat up, but Meredith didn't move, her eyes closed.

"Do you remember that night, when I had a fight with my mom and came to you?"

He nodded.

"I told you I didn't want to stop seeing you 'cause I loved you, and you answered that you loved me too and I was your best friend."

"Yes, I remember."

"I didn't mean it that way." She breathed deeply. "I'm love with you – I've been in love with you… forever."

She opened her eyes and saw him staring at her speechless. She sat up, sighing. She didn't know how he was going to react – maybe she wasn't supposed to tell him so soon but she was tired of lying. He was in love with him, and he deserved to know.

"The boy you talked about that night at your place, at Dartmouth…" he breathed.

She nodded. "Yeah, that was you."

"I'm shocked," he confessed, and then smiled. "But I was jealous so I'm happy to hear it. But, Mer – I'm not there yet. I can't tell you that I'm in love with you before I really am."

"Neither I'd want you to," she shook her head. "I felt like I need to be completely honest with you, because like you said, we aren't random people. We have history, and I wanted you to know how much I am in this. I don't want you to do things you aren't ready for, I don't want to pressure you, but I love you –" tears rushed to her eyes and she laughed hysterically for a moment. "God, it feels so good to say it! I've loved you since day one, I loved you when I saw you holding hands with Rose, and I'm tired of hiding and lying. You're the man I want and while I don't expect you to want me just as much, I expect you to be completely honest with me."

He wrapped her in his arms, bringing her close to his chest with a smile. "I don't know what I did to deserve such a great girl," he breathed in her hair. "I want you, too, Mer. I just need time to figure out all of this, ok?"

She nodded, awkwardly drying her tears with the palms of her hands. "I'm not in any rush," she replied. "And now I'm totally embarrassed. I need a moment to collect myself, I'm going to go for a swim, okay?".

She stood up, and calling for Summer ran to the water, away from him.

Even if he didn't like that she felt embarrassed, Derek was grateful for a few minutes to himself. Meredith was in love with him and he was happy and totally terrified at the same time. She was twenty, and so she loved – freely and completely. Would he be able to make her happy? Would he live up to that love's expectations?

Had had just broke up with Rose, he was a resident. He didn't want complications with the premed, twenty-years-old daughter of his terrifying Chief of Surgery. But at the end of the day, it was Meredith he looked for. Maybe it was a reason to give all of this mess a chance? She was a beautiful girl, and in any other situation, she would have dated her for a bit before making any rushed decision. But was it enough? She was ready to put her heart in his hands and he didn't know if he could take care of the gift. The pressure was almost impossible to handle.

Derek sighed deeply, thrusting his fingers in his curls.

He left the rock to join her in the water. When he smiled, as he walked to her in the cold Ocean, her features relaxed.

"I saw a pretty girl swimming and I thought she might give me a kiss," he said, winking. Before she could reply, he slip an arm under her butt and picked her up. Laughing, Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck and his legs around his waist. Derek felt clearly her moist center against her pelvis, her sweet tights to his hips, her full breasts on his chest and he just hoped he could control himself. He wasn't going to start this thing scaring her off. He was going to talk to her before he did anything remotely sexual.

Anyway, she felt like pure magic between his arms.

"You're so beautiful," he told her. "I want you," he said again, trying to give her something to hold on. "I want you in my life. Always have, always will. I'm sorry that I didn't realize before, and I'm sorry I don't know how we're going to handle this. But I promise, I'll figure out."

"We will. Together," she whispered, and he thought that in that moment she looked so adult and wise. She wanted to tell him everything – she wanted to confess how she had spent night awake dreaming of this, she wanted to tell him how him don't knowing was enough for her, because finally, they were together. Instead, she just told him "I love you" and hid her face in his neck.

The day passed slowly, between swimming, playing with Summer and more kisses, trying to push the confusion and the worry away.

* * *

It was sunset, and even if they needed to head back, Meredith was laying in the sand, her blonde waves on Derek's lap.

"I didn't notice you have this," he murmured, his finger gently stroking the white pearl on her navel.

"Did it when I was fifteen," she confessed. "My mother didn't talk to me for three week. It was the only thing I ever did without her permission."

"I like it," he said. "It's sexy."

"I think so too." She smiled.

To anyone watching them they would look like the perfect couple: young, beautiful and in love. But Meredith felt something off – Derek simply wasn't her Derek at all. He was trying, but he felt it. He stroked her belly, and she felt that he wanted it, but his gesture was controlled. There wasn't anything spontaneous in it.

She sighed deeply.

"Der."

"Mmh."

"Tell me what's up."

"Nothing, Mer," he promised, and his hand travelled up from her belly to her shoulder.

"I don't believe you," she breathed. "You're off, we're off. I thought we had sort everything out but I can tell there's still something you're not comfortable with."

This time, it was Derek's turn to sigh.

"Mer, I really don't want to make you feel bad…"

"I don't care. I want you to be honest to me, like I was to you."

She wanted to sit up and look at him straight in the eyes, but she couldn't. She had the terrible feeling the thing between them were about to finish, and she wanted to feel wrapped up in his warmth as much as she could.

"It's not like I don't want this," he started. "I want this. I swear I do, but… I expected you to start with me from zero and try to figure it out together. But you… with how you feel, you are in a different place and…" he sighed again. "And maybe I just need some time to figure it out, you know?"

She sat up: "Derek, no one expects you to- "

"No, hear me out. I need to know how to handle all of this because I can't hurt you, okay? I can't do this wrongly. I need time."

Meredith felt tears come up to her eyes, but she desperately tried to hold them back. She wasn't going to cry in front of him. She wasn't going to let him hold her and comfort her. She believed his intentions were the best, she really did, but she had exposed herself too much.

"Tell me you're gonna give me time," he begged quietly.

"I need sleep," she confessed, apparently diverting the subject. "After a good night's sleep, we will see everything differently. Can we go home, now?"

* * *

When they reached Meredith's street, Derek parked the car a few metres before the house. Silently, they got off the car and Derek offered Meredith her bag.

"Thank you for the day," she said, and Derek sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing her close.

Pushed from an invisible strength, his lips searched hers and they kissed – just like that, in the summer night, guessing everything and hoping for the future, tongues stroking each other, Meredith's soft sighs and Derek's guttural moans, her soft body against his strong one.

* * *

 **New York City, New York**

The following day, in jeans and a tee shirt, no make-up, a bag full of tears she wasn't about to cry, Meredith Grey flew from Logan to JF Kennedy, right into Addison Montgomery's arms.

As soon as the older girls wrapped her arms tightly around her, and said "Everything is gonna be all right." Meredith breathed her vanilla scent, and even if in that moment nothing was okay, she actually believed it.


	8. Chapter 8

**More than 100 people following the story. Not even 10 reviews. I'm not too happy but this is the folloing chapter.**

 **If you read, can you please leave a review? I'll write faster and happily :)**

 **Thanks to Irene, CileSun92, a great beta, like always.**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

 ** _I know you haven't made your mind up yet,  
_** ** _but I will never do you wrong_**

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Derek sighed deeply as he checked his cell phone again. No sign of Meredith.

Since last night, he had wrote her exactly thirty-seven text messages, four emails and he had called her twenty times, and for twenty times her phone had gone to voicemail.

At first, he had thought she pissed off at him because of last night, but now he was starting to feel really worried. And, of course, he was going to be stuck at the hospital until 8 pm. He couldn't even go and check on her at her house.

He sighed again. Well, he was due in surgery in twenty so for a while he better stop thinking about Meredith. He threw another glance at his phone, where he was greeted by Meredith's smile on the lock screen. Derek smiled a little at the picture of them, engaged in a hug, Summer's little head under Meredith's chin, but his thoughts were interrupted by a voice calling his name.

"Shepherd!"

Derek turned his head and saw Richard Webber, approaching him with Summer in his arms and a white envelope. The dog was enthusiastically whimpering and tail-waggling, making sure her owner knowed she wanted to be with him.

"Dr. Webber," Derek answered, reaching gently to stroke Summer's head. "Hey, hi, baby girl." The dog licked his hand eagerly.

Then, a thought invaded his mind: where the hell was Meredith?

Richard handed Derek the dog and the white envelope. "That's from Meredith. You have fifteen minute to bring the dog home, make sure Chief Grey doesn't see you. She's pissed enough at the situation."

"Sir, where is Meredith?"

Richard sighed: "I think she's in New York with that redhead girl… I don't know what happened." His eyes were piercing and for a second Derek felt the urge to hide. "But yesterday night she was pretty upset. Came downstair with a bag, tickets, and demanded to be taken at the airport."

"Oh, God," Derek muttered. She was with Addison. She had left. "Thank you, sir."

Derek pushed his surgery an hour later, brought Summer home, then hid in the resident lounge to read the letter. He was going to call Addison and yell at her but first, he needed to read Meredith's words. There was definitely a lump in his throat and he already felt moisture in his eyes. He thanked God the room was empty.

 _Derek,_

 _I almost feel bad for you, because tomorrow my step-dad will bring you this letter and our dog at the hospital. I'm sorry, but I couldn't face you. I can't stand in front of you, not after yesterday. I need time to process all of what happened yesterday and I think the better place to do so is in New York. I can't stay in Boston and not see you, so some miles from us can do some good. I can't tell you again how I feel about you, I can't even begin to explain how what you said at the beach affects me. I'm going to give you some space and time, and as soon as you know what's your answer about us, we can decide how to proceed. I already miss you, and I can tell you this because I know you'll miss me, too. Take care of our baby girl, and please… don't write. Don't call._

 _Meredith_

Derek hadn't realised he had cried the whole time while reading the letter.

That night, Derek's mood had not improved. He missed Meredith, he hated himself for not knowing and put all of them in that situation, and like the cherry on top, his patient had coded on the table at the end of a textbook surgery. He wanted nothing more than going home and drowning all of this under a hot shower. Honestly, he even wanted to call Addison and yell at her, at Meredith, at everyone.

He collapsed on the bed asleep before he even had time to take a shower.

* * *

 **New York City, New York**

Usually, Mark Sloan was a quiet person. His funny, smirky side came up only with Derek, their family, and of course, Addison. He had spent all of his young years having sex with every waking woman on earth, but when he had met Addison, everything had changed. Now, his Addison was completely smitten by Derek's protege, this Meredith. He had met the girl just once, but he trusted Addison's judgment on people - maybe because it was rare, for her, to trust and open up to someone as quickly as she has done to Little Princess Grey – even if Derek had forbidden him to call her that.

The previous night, Addison had told him she was sorry, but Meredith needed her and she needed to offer her a safe place.

The girl had arrived and, even if she was in the worst mood ever, Mark had understood why Derek and Addison were both nuts for her. She was sassy and smart, funny and opinionated, sweet and gentle when she talked to Addison, beautiful, sexy and elegant. A complete catch for any man, and he didn't understand why the girl wasn't officially Derek's girlfriend already. He had even dumped the horse, finally, and with the relief of every member of his family.

"Hey," he whispered, sneaking an arm around Addison's waist and bringing her close to his chest. Meredith was sitting with her legs crossed in a corner of their big, gray couch.

"Hey." Addison smiled, caressing his chest though the t-shirt he was wearing.

"What happened to your little friend? I don't have a problem about her camping here but I have a feeling this is Derek's fault."

Mark had always know Little Princess Grey was in love with Derek, and he found it absurd that Derek hadn't realised already how perfect the girl could be for him. It was pretty clear if Mark himself could see it!

"Yeah, it was," Addison replied softly. "They went out with a friend of Mer from college. Derek went jealous, they kissed, she told him she's in love with him and he… kind of panicked."

"Good lord, Shep," he grunted. "So she left?"

"Yes. Says she wants to give him some space to figure out what he wants."

"I'm going to call him and try to knock some sense into him." He pecked Addison affectionately on the forehead and went on the balcony to kick his brother's ass.

"Hey, man," Derek's voice said. It wasn't his usual voice, he seemed...off.

"Hey. Can you tell me why it looks like someone killed your cat? No, wait. Can you tell me why you cat is here, moping on my couch and demanding Addison's attention?"

Despite everything, Derek laughed softly. "Did you just call Meredith my cat?"

"Yes, I did. Seriously, man. She's nice but she's a cockblocker. Addison's legs stayed closed last night and this morning because she talked my head off about you two."

"I know, I'm sorry. I would rather have her here with me, but…"

"But _what_? Seriously, man, have you checked her ass? She's _twenty_! Sweet and new and, honestly, the youngest are the porniest-"

"Mark!" Derek exclaimed, shutting him off. "Don't talk about her like that. I care about her, and that's exactly why we're in this situation. I care about her and she said she loves me. Do you understand? I'm terrified about her being a virgin and us ending up with me hurting her."

"Man, you are exaggerating. She's younger, okay, but she seems like adult enough. If she has such bad taste and wants you, or if she's willing to give you her virginity… well, I think it's her choice, not yours. Do you care about her?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you care about her like you care about me?"

"Man, I'm sorry to ruin this for you, but her chest looks slightly different…"

"Derek, I'm trying to be serious, here. Me, being serious. So, answer."

"No, it's different." Derek breathed. "It's a different feeling but I don't know if I'm in love with her. Hell, I've never considered this possibility. She's Ellis Grey's daughter and I'm still sure she's gonna cut my balls off…"

"That's a possibility," Mark laughed. "But I think she could be worth the wait, don't you?"

Derek sighed deeply. "I've made such a mess… And she doesn't even want to talk to me…"

"Ok, wait."

Ignoring Derek's protests, he walked into the living room and interrupted Addison and Meredith mid-conversation.

Addison's eyes held all the terror she felt as soon as she saw him holding his phone, but Mark ignored her, too.

"Hey, Little Pr- uhm. Meredith. Hey, Meredith, can you do me a favor and talk to Shep? He sounds like someone killed his cat."

Meredith gasped. "I told him not to call," she whispered.

"He didn't, it was me, calling him, and just so you know, I think this whole situation it's stupid. I think you two should screw each other and get over this."

"Mark!" Addison said, throwing her flip-flop at him.

On the phone, ignored long enough, Derek's voice demanded: "Man, put me on speaker."

Mark did so, and when Derek's voice filled the room, Meredith eyes were full of tears.

"Hey Mer, it's me," he said. "I know you wrote me not to call but I wanted you to know that Summer…" he breathed deeply. "She's good but she missed you a lot. And so do I. I understand your decision and I know all of this is my fault so… I promise to not call again and to think about… you… us. To think about us a lot. Anyway, if you feel like texting, you're free to do so," he ended his speech laughing. Even Meredith smiled a little. She missed him too, even if she wasn't going to tell him so.

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

As soon as Derek put his phone back in the pocket of his lab coat, a little relieved, he had the only voice which could make everything bad again. Maybe even worse.

"Shepherd!" Ellis' voice thundered. "My office! NOW!"

Every intern, resident and attendings turned to look at him, giving him the last greeting with their eyes.

"He must have killed someone," a little, redhead intern whispered.

Derek sighed and took the few steps to Ellis' office: he knew which one was his crime.

"You wanted to see me, Chief?" he asked, entering the room after knocking. Play fool maybe was for the best.

"Don't play innocent with me, you, Derek Crayon Shepherd!"

No, it wasn't.

And his middle name was Christopher and not Crayon, but if Ellis preferred it and her balls were going to stay on, he guessed he could change it.

"Can you tell me why my daughter ran off to New York in the middle of the night?"

Derek sighed. "Nothing happened Chief. At least, nothing bad. I think she just accepted Addison's invitation to go there for a few days. She mentioned a big test in neonatal and who better than Addison can help her study?"

He even smiled, trying to put the woman in a better mood. Obviously, it didn't work.

"I swear to God, if you did make my little girl cry, I'll kick you out of the program and I can promise you, no hospital in the entire country will let you in."

"Chief," he started, straightening out his back. Ellis Grey was an intimidating woman but he wasn't an idiot, either. He was an adult man and even if he understood her need to protect her daughter, he didn't appreciate people intruding in his personal life. "I understand your need to watch out for Meredith, but I can guarantee you that I deeply care for your daughter and my mom raised me not to hurt people I care about. This said, I would really appreciate if you could keep my work and my personal life separated. If you are worried about Mer, you can call me in, or in the cafeteria, or wherever you want and you can even call me Derek, but here I am Dr. Shepherd, I work hard and well, and I would love if you could start acknowledging the fact and stop threatening my job." He nodded, using that moment because Ellis was silent and wide-eyed. "If you'll excuse me."

With that, he went out, hoping to pass the day without being fired.

* * *

 **New York City, New York**

"Yeah," Addison nodded, handing Meredith a glass of beer. It was almost six and Mark had just left for a night shift, while Addison had asked Nicole Hermann a night off. "They had an argument in your mother office. He sent me ten texts explaining everything but I think he spoke his mind out."

"Oh, God," Meredith whimpered. "Karma hates me. Why did I fall in love with one of my mother's residents?"

"Oh, cm'on. They're both adults. Tell me again how he was acting at the beach."

Meredith sighed. "We were a little awkward but we made out and talked. He even…" she blushed deeply. "He even kissed my breast."

Addison giggled. "Oh, Mer. You know, I think one of the reasons he's so terrified is this - he's like afraid of your virginity."

Meredith went immediately into panic mood. "Did you tell him?"

"No! Of course not. Well, not exactly: he kinda asked and I stammered a little and changed the subject."

"Okay, you told him." She passed her hand on her eyes. "Did he seem preoccupied?"

"Yes definitely. The fact alone that he asked is enough."

"Can you tell him I'm not gonna spread my legs for him until he declares his love for me? He has no need to worry," she replied, so sassily that Addison laughed.

"Mer, sorry to ruin this for you, but you just need him to give this relationship a try and you're gonna spread your legs for him right away!"

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

It took Derek exactly fifteen days, four hours and ten minutes to realise that for once in his life, Mark had been right.

He wanted to call her, to write her a text, he had even thought about a letter, but none of the solutions seemed right for them. For her, especially. She was one in a million and if he was afraid of hurting her… Well, he just had to not do so.

So, he had used all of the sympathy Richard Webber had in him to get an extra week and the promise to keep Summer for a few days. Derek was ready to do the big gesture and try to win over his best friend all over again.


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm sorry, I suck. Here's chapter 9 and please, please, please, review! Reviews make me write faster, even if I'm pretty slow, LOL.**

 **Like I said in the A/N for Falling (don't know if you read it, too), I'm starting to publish without a beta. I'm sure you all remember English is not my 1** **st** **language so I apologize for every mistake. Feel free to tell me in review if I f**k up too much!**

 **Enjoy and… happy 2017!**

* * *

 **Chapter 9 – part 1**

 _ **I could hold you  
for a million years  
to make you feel my love**_

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

He couldn't wait anymore. Derek considered himself brave enough because after he had realized that he wanted Meredith back, in Boston and safe with him, he had managed to wait until his first day off. The moment had finally came and he was off for two days. A miracle. And he was up and ready to leave. His idea was to drive to New York, grab a coffee with Mark and Addison, throw Meredith on his shoulder and come back to Boston, close up into his apartment hiding her from her mother. He really needed to spend a whole day with Meredith, talking and figuring out what was happening between the two of them. He had considered texting her to tell her to wait for him, he had spent sleepless hours imagining her, her lips, her kisses, the sexy little pearl she wore at her navel, the scent of her hair. He wanted her with him, and even if he didn't know if he was ready to love her back, he was determined to go get her.

* * *

 **New York City, New York**

Derek couldn't know it, but when he had told Ellis Meredith had gone to New York to study with Addison for a big neonatal test coming up in September, he hadn't been wrong. When she had escaped to New York, among the other things she had thrown in her purse, Meredith had made sure not to forget her textbook. And after a few days of doing nothing, moping around the apartment and frowning whenever they mentioned Derek, that morning Addison had practically forced her to close up the novel she was reading and to go grab her books.

"You're like my mom," Meredith mumbled but grabbing the book and her notes anyway. "It's summer."

"It would be summer if we were laying on a beach or by a pool, but since I've been so stupid to get a cold in the middle of July and you refuse to leave the house without me I'm gonna help you study. I can't knock sense into Derek but I can make you pass this test."

The cold made Addie grumpy, indeed. Meredith sighed and took a seat on the carpet. She loved being around Addison, even if she was grumpy and sick, but she missed Derek and Summer like crazy. This wasn't at all how she had expected to spend her time off. Images of her last date-not-date with Derek at the beach passed in her mind, and she sighed again, deeply.

What Meredith hadn't exactly expected was the company she and Addison were having at the moment. On the couch was sitting a tall and pretty girl, the same age as Addison. She had short brown hair and deep, big brown eyes. Wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a yellow, sleeveless blouse, she looked confident and… fresh. Fresh was the adjective to describe her. Her name was Nancy. Sitting next to her, another girl. They were related, even if they didn't look that much alike. Meredith, despite the situation, was extremely fond of her. She was calm, relaxed, and stunning. A long cascade of black curls on her shoulders, big blue eyes in a full face with make-up well put on, in shorts, a t-shirt and a pair of ballet flats at her feet. The shirt barely covered the prominent belly she kept rubbing. Her name was Kathleen.

They were Derek's sisters.

"Why do you need to knock sense into Derek? Not that I don't approve. But what for, now?" Nancy asked, lazily sipping at her coffee. She had worked a night shift (Meredith seemed to remember she worked at New York Presbyterian) and now she was the spitting image of relax. Meredith, on the other side, even if she had told Derek she didn't want to hear from him, was constantly checking if he had texted. And when every time she looked at her iPhone, the picture of herself and Derek the day he had gave her Summer looking back at her, she felt even worse.

"Nothing," Addison replied.

"Did you and Derek fight?" Nancy asked Meredith. "Are you Derek's girlfriend? I know you told us you're his best friend, but he never told us anything about you…"

"Nancy," Kathleen chastised. "Be nice."

"I'm being nice, Kath," Nancy assured. "But Derek is always so mysterious about his life. Even if I can say the situation has definitely improved, since he broke up with the horse."

At this, Meredith couldn't help but giggle. "I'm happy to know I wasn't the only one who hate her."

"You're not," Kathleen sighed. "I mean, Derek is not perfect, but this doesn't mean I'm happy to see the Shepherd genes wasted like that. They would have had ugly children."

"Oh god, Kate," Addison laughed freely, Nancy joining her. "And they say I'm the bitchy one," she commented.

"What did I say?" Kathleen asked, raising a perfectly designed eyebrow.

"Nothing we don't think, too. You're just… it's rare to see you so carefree and willing to gossip."

"Being the oldest and the therapist is a hard job," Kathleen nodded. Meredith liked Kathleen _a lot_. A strong, beautiful, smart woman. Definitely, Derek's sister. She found herself grinning, and Kathleen smiled back at her. "I'm sure you know a thing or two about pressure," she commented. "With your mom…"

"Kath, don't go all therapist-y on Derek's little girlfriend," Nancy commented. "She looks good, so their children won't be monsters, and I really don't want to see him cry if you scare her away."

Meredith sighed. "Not his girlfriend, but it's fine. My mom is great. She doesn't like me spending a lot of time with Derek, but that's because he's her resident. She thinks every other doctor who's not her, Richard, Nicole Herman or Addie is stupid."

The three girl liked and Addie snoozed loudly, before commenting: "That sounds like your mom."

"I spend all my time at school. I'm not a social girl, the only friends I have are Addie and Derek. I hang out with people at school but they're more acquaintances than friends. So when I'm in Boston the only person I see is Derek."

"Crayon," Addie laughed. Meredith had told her how her mom called Derek and Addie had laughed for a whole thirty minutes.

"My mom calls him Crayon Shepherd because she thinks he's not the brightest crayon in the box," Meredith explained rolling her eyes. Kathleen and Nancy burst into laughs as well.

"She thinks Derek is perfect," Addie explained but their hilarious moment was interrupted when the doorbell rang.

Addie checked her wristwatch. Two o'clock. "Who the hell could be? Mark's shift isn't over yet."

She stood up and walked to the door. When she opened it, she commented: "Took you some time," and Meredith couldn't help but turn to look at the door.

Derek was there. Dressed in jeans and a plain white t-shirt, sunglasses on his head. He looked into the room, clearly searching for her, but when he spotted Nancy and Kathleen, he groaned. "Oh God. The Shepherd inquisition."

"We're not, she says she's not your girlfriend," Nancy commented. "And you're delusional. Kath here is pregnant."

At that comment, Derek's face broke in a smile. "You look so good, Kath. I'll hug you, but right now I have bigger fishes to fry." He turned to Addison: "Where's Mer?" he breathed.

While he greeted his sisters, Meredith had managed to hide herself behind the couch, but when she heard his question, she decided to stand up. If he had driven all the way from Boston, she should at least hear what he had to say.

"I'm here, Der."

He looked at her and smiled. His eyes caressed her figure, her long naked legs, the old shorts rolled up at her hips, the trail of skin left bare between the shorts and the shirt. The belly button ring peaking under the shirt, her firm and full breasts. Her face, make up free for once, and her long, curly blonde hair.

"Oh, Meredith," he breathed. He took two steps to walk across the room and scooped her up in his arms.

Immediately, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and hid her face in his neck, breathing deeply into his scent.

"What the hell…" they heard Nancy murmur but they didn't care.

"Mer," he sighed, leaning back slightly too kiss her cheeks, her forehead, her eyes, her chin. Then, his lips lend on hers, and he gave her the shortest of kisses, leaving her hungry for more. "I missed you," he murmured on her lips.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"I'm the one who's sorry," he retorted, hugging her even closer. "I was an ass and you deserve to be treated like a princess. I don't want college guys to hang out with us. I don't want to kiss you or take you out and then spend hours re-thinking it all. I don't want to have you feel bad, we need to figure this out _together_. Come home with me, okay?"

Meredith stepped back from his hug. "Your sisters are here," she commented softly. "We'll talk later."

"Yes, we're here and she loves us," Nancy commented. "And I have to say, your taste in women has improved. I just hope she's at least legal-"

"Nance," Addie interrupted. "Nice to see you, Der."

"I decided to follow Mark's advice," he declared, and Nancy commented: "Okay, we're screwed!"

"We're _leaving_ – Kathleen stepped in, stressing the word leaving. - It's clear Derek's not here to see us." She took a step closer and hugged her brother: "It was good to see you again, little brother. Come over or call if you spend the night, okay? See you at my birthday," she grinned, and while Derek rubbed her belly, she smiled at Meredith: "You too, Meredith."

"See you, Kath," Meredith smiled back.

When they left, Addison said: "I can't leave the house because of the cold, but you can either go out or lock yourself in one room and talk. I don't mind."

While Meredith thought it was impolite, Derek pushed her in the little den and closed the door behind them. Meredith sighed and sat down on the couch. Derek immediately too a seat next to her and scooped her up, bringing her on his lap.

Despite everything, Meredith giggled.

"Listen to me," he began, his fingers stroking the skin of her knee. "I'm afraid. I'm afraid to lose my best friend if this doesn't work out, I'm afraid of what your mom would do to me, I'm afraid because you are… less experienced of what I'm used to." Meredith gasped. "And I'm afraid to try and be with you when you love me and I'm not there, yet."

"Feels good to know," Meredith mumbled.

"But – Derek continued – I can't think of a _rational_ reason about not being with you. You get me, you're smart, I love spending time with you, you're beautiful, and God, you're so sexy. I feel like a fool if I think we've been friends for months and I didn't even look at your ass."

Meredith laughed, embarrassed.

"I want to try," he breathed. "Tell me you still want me."

* * *

 **End of part 1 *grinning* ;)**


	10. Chapter 9 part 2

**Chapter 9 – part 2**

 _ **No, there's nothing  
that I wouldn't do  
to make you feel my love**_

* * *

They had waited for Mark to come home, grabbed a coffee, listened to Addison bitch about her cold, and then they had left to go back to Boston. Derek couldn't wait to be alone with Meredith, and it was extremely awkward to stay with Mark and Addie, playing happy friends, when they didn't know where they stand with their relationship.

The first half of the trip home was spent in total silence. Derek had turned on the radio, just to fill the terrible silence. That wasn't them at all.. His best friend and he were able to chat and laugh without even need to stop for breathing. And now, Meredith was humming along with the song, her head resting against the car window, dressed just in light brown shorts, a lace sleeveless blue shirt and ballerina flats. Her hair were down and straight – she had managed to straight her curls in ten minutes before leaving – and the big, pink sunglasses hid her make-up free face.

Derek took a deep breath.  
He needed to push the situation a little.

He reached down to put a hand on her knee, her skin hot and soft against his palm. He felt her tremble slightly.

"You're so sexy dressed like that," he told her, her warm voice caressing her ears.

"Uhm – thanks. You too," she replied, eyeing the relaxed muscles behind the white t-shirt he was wearing. Anyway, she constantly thought he was sexy.

"Do you want to go hid in my apartment when we arrive? Or… you wanna go home, maybe?"

"I need to go home and maybe take a shower."

"Wouldn't be the first time you shower in my bathroom," he stated.

"That's true," she bit her lip. "But I was your best friend then. Now I don't know what I am."

"You're…" he sighed deeply. "Well, we're working through you being my girlfriend, I think."

Despite everything, Meredith smile widely. Her elegant hand joined Derek's hard one on her knee.

"Ok, so," Derek started, his smile matching hers. "We go home, you shower, I make us something to eat and we can watch a movie. What do you say?"

"Works for me," she nodded. And then again, the silence came. Derek breathed: "I'm sorry I interrupted your time with Addison but I just wanted you home. I was scared of your feelings. That's what stopped me."

"I've never asked you to feel for me what I feel for you," she remembered him.

"I know. But… you.. still?"

"What?"

"Do you still love me?"

"Derek…" Meredith breathed. He was almost thirty and yet he was afraid. "Yes. Since the first time I saw you. And I don't see it changing anytime soon. Even if you're brainless."

Derek laughed softly. "Well, I'm glad," he said with that soft, warm, sexy voice which sent thrills down her spine. She dared imagine for a second about his tongue tracing the same path. He laughed again: "I think I might be obsessed with your hair like this," he commented, reaching out to touch a silky, golden lock. "I'm used to it being curly."

"I wanted to change," she shrugged. "I'm glad you like it."

* * *

When they arrived at Derek's, Meredith played for a while with Summer, then excused herself to take that shower.

"Are we going out?" she asked, looking into her luggage to decide what to change into.

"No. I mean, do you wanna go out?" he asked. "It's almost five, I thought we could eat here."

"Okay," she nodded. "I'm hungry since we didn't exactly had lunch."

"Go shower, I'll cook," and impulsively, Derek ducked his head down and kissed her on the lips. Her eyes went wide. "Are – uhm. Are we allowed to do that, now?"

"I don't know," he mocked her, his hands going on her hips. "Are we allowed?". In moments like this, he could really see how much she was Ellis' daughter. She was controlled, always, and she had allowed herself to be all over the place a little, when she had told him she was in love with him.

"Mer, we don't have rules," he told her, serious again. "We want to explore what are we feeling for each other, right? So I think we just have to do what we are comfortable with. I just wanted to give you a kiss before you go shower."

"Okay," she nodded. She bite her lip again and Derek found that gesture a little too sexy for his own good. She reached out as well, ready to give him a kiss back. Her hands found their place against his chest and she leaned her body against his. "I'll be back," she whispered, and she pressed her lips against his.

* * *

Meredith emerged from the bath fifteen minutes later, and Derek was surprised: he was sure she was the kind of girl who took forever to get ready. She was wearing a yellow sundress with spaghetti straps which reached middle-thigh, a light make up, her hair done like it had been in the car. Plus, she was barefoot and Derek found all of her to be incredibly sexy, once again. How was it possible that he had spent months without realizing how hot she was?

He had cooked steaks and potatoes with a salad, a little table for two ready on the little balcony. Summer had already eaten and was napping on the couch.

"This is beautiful," Meredith commented to the table, set with two candles. "It feels like a date," she murmured.

"Well, it is, " he assured her, helping her with her chair. "It's our very low-key, very informal first date and you look lovely."

She smiled. "Thank you. You do, too, even if you haven't changed."

"I'm sorry I was too busy cooking you dinner, princess."

"It better be good," she commented, taking a bite of her steak. "Okay, it's great. I didn't know you could cook."

"Oh, I do. Always have," he nodded. "And I really enjoy it. I'm sorry I've never cooked for you before, I wasn't a great best friend, apparently."

"You were an amazing best friend. There was plenty of pizza."

"I thought about that for a moment but I wanted it to be different. You're not just my best friend anymore."

"I'm glad I'm not," she murmured, and her light green were full of the answers he needed.

"Come here," he suggested out of the blue.

"What?"

"Come here." He patted his legs.

"I'm eating," she stated.

"I don't care, I want you close."

Meredith's eyes were two pools of confusion. Anyway, she stood up and gingerly walked to him, sitting down on his knees. He hugged her tightly around her waist. The summer air brought sexy scents to the balcony, of flowers, of nights, of dreams, and for the first time since they had kissed on the bench he felt entirely happy.

He looked into her beautiful eyes and stroked her jaw with a finger.

"What's the matter?" she breathed softly.

"Nothing. You're beautiful."

She smiled shyly. "I'm not, but that's okay."

"You're not? Oh, Meredith. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen…" His finger travelled down to stroke the skin of her neck and Meredith shivered in his arms. With one arm, he brought her even closer to his chest and kissed her temple and her cheek, before taking her lips in a long, deep, passionate kiss.

Meredith sighed softly against his mouth, her arms around his neck while her fingers caressed his curls. He kept on kissing her, ravishing her mouth, his hands going down, caressing her hips and her thighs. He wanted to touch her but he was afraid he would push his boundaries a little too far. He knew she was a virgin, even if they hadn't talked about it yet.

Suddenly, without breaking the kiss, Meredith turned her hips and straddled him. They weren't so close that their centers could touch but just the thought of her, so exposed, in front of him, made Derek shiver. He forced himself to pull apart from her, and of course, Meredith noticed his change of expression.

"What's up?" she frowned. "I did something wrong?"

"No," he shook his head. "I thought you wanted to finish your dinner."

Meredith blushed. "I was enjoying the… dessert." She bite her lip again and Derek felt his jeans becoming tighter. He pushed her off his knees.

"Hey!" she protested. "You almost pushed me to the floor!"

"Sorry," he replied, trying to smile. "Do you want more wine?"

She nodded. Something was off. She fought the urge to grab Summer and go home. "Derek, did I do something wrong?" she asked, looking at him straight in the eyes.

"No, Mer. Don't worry."

"So…" she started. She took a deep breath. "Do you want me to stay the night? My mother doesn't know I'm back yet, so we can… talk more." She stressed the word _talk_.

He gulped. "What? No, no. I…" he swallowed. "I need to – I need to go to work tomorrow morning, so – it's better if you stay over another time".

Meredith nodded, her gaze on her plate. It wouldn't be the first time that she stayed at his apartment while he went to work but anyway, she didn't reply. She just wanted to finish her dinner and go home. She felt the great need to cry but she would rather die that cry in front of him. Apparently, he had took a step in her direction but he was afraid of the physical contact. Maybe he didn't want her? Maybe he just saw her at his best friend? She shivered.

"Are you cold?" he asked, and he moved his hand to grab hers, on the table.

"No," she denied, removing her hand quickly from his. She wished to be already a doctor because she needed a fake page to go away. Quickly.

They finished their dinner in silence, then Meredith stood up. Ready to leave.

"Okay, well.. Thanks for dinner. It was… really good. Summer, baby, c'mon!"

The dog arrived quickly, barking excited. Apparently, she was happy to have her girl owner back.

"Are you going already?" he asked, puzzled. "I thought we would watch a movie."

"Well, you need to work tomorrow, you said so yourself. So… you might want to call it a night."

"Mer…" he started, but she didn't give him time. She grabbed her things.

"Let me drive you home."

"Don't be ridiculous, it's a five minutes walk. Summer and I would like some fresh air."

"But you have your luggage."

"Summer weights more and anyway, it has wheels." She smiled. "Good night, Der."

And she was gone.

Derek breathed deeply. She had run. What the hell happened? One minute they were happy, and the next one… he considered running after her but he didn't know how to break the wall she had raised. Little did he know, in thirty minutes he was going to receive a yelling call from Addison.

* * *

 **Here you are… Derek the brainless brain doctor! I'm about to finish my thesis so… I might promise you a new update at the end of the week! And by the way, I'm really considering moving this story's rating to M. Opinions?**


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

 _ **When the evening shadows and the stars appear,  
and there is no one there to dry your tears,  
I could hold you for a million years  
to make you feel my love.**_

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Derek had just finished to do the dishes when his phone rang. For a second he thought – well, he _hoped_ – that it could be Meredith, but a tired glance at the screen told him it was Addison.

"Hello," he sighed into the phone.

"Are you stupid?"

"Addie?"

"Are. You. Stupid?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, his frown deepening.

"I'm talking about the pretty girl who just left your house and now is crying on her bed because she is convinced you don't want her."

"What? Of course I want her. I drove all the way to fucking New York City to bring her home, how can she thinks I don't want her?"

"Derek, she's convinced you don't want her sexually."

" _What_?"

"Can you stoop saying _what_?" Addison snapped. "She told me you were kissing and you pushed her away, and then she asked you to spend the night and you refused."

Derek sighed deeply. "Oh God… Addie, of course I want her. I mean, every man alive would want her, have you seen her?"

"She may turn me into a lesbian and I'm extremely into men," Addison giggled. Derek laughed too, and then continued: "I pushed her away because… my body… started reacting. Addie, she straddled me and she was wearing just a tiny sundress… I'm human. But she's a virgin. I don't know how I'm supposed to act with her in that… aspect."

"Treat her like an adult. Ask her how she wants to handle the situation, tell her you care for her and you'll respect her wishes."

"I guess you're right."

"Derek, are you sure you want her? This is not some strange kind of obligation?"

"No, I'm sure. I don't love her yet – I mean, of course I love her, I'm just not in love with her. But spending time with her is amazing and she's beautiful and smart and… the sexiest girl I've ever met. She's so sexy I don't know how I was her friend for months without undressing her in my mind."

"Okay, okay, I'm playing matchmaker but I'm still your best friend and in my mind, you don't have sex. So please, keep the info to a minimum."

Derek laughed. "What do I do, now?"

"Well, you can go to her, if you want. I know Ellis is at work, so… you can try to make up for the dinner."

Derek nodded. "I will. Thanks, Addie."

In a eye blink, he was running to Meredith's house.

She opened the door, and he felt like a jerk: her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, her eyes were a tattle-tale that there had been a lot of crying, and she was wearing just panties and a male t-shirt he was sure was Richard's.

"Oh," she gasped when she saw him. "Derek…"

"Mer, I… Can we talk?"

"Yes, just… wait a second, I need to… put on something better and do my hair, and…"

She was clearly freaking out about her outfit. She was used to always be perfect, hair done, make up done, cute outfit… But in that moment, barefoot, crying for him, Derek was sure he had never found her more beautiful. Suddenly, he couldn't control himself anymore. He walked to her, closed the door with a feet and picked her up by her thighs, her legs immediately going around his waist. Her arms held her tight and his lips found hers. Derek showed his tongue in her mouth, caressing her sweetness.

"Oh, Mer," he groaned into her mouth, and she gasped slightly when she felt his hard on against her tummy. His mouth descended from her mouth to her jaw, and then her neck, kissing and licking at the same time. She moved her head to give him better access and she couldn't help but moaned.

"Ok," he sighed, leaning back from her. "Let's slow down a little or I'll end up going on without a chance to talk."

She panted, her knees slightly soft.

"Let's go to my room, you haven't seen it yet."

She grabbed his hand and guided him upstairs. Meredith's room was the one to the left and Derek had never seen a prettier room. The walls were pink and black, black were the queen-sized bed, the desk and the closet. The blankets and the carpet were pink. The walls were full of pictures, of her when she was a baby, with her mom, more recently with Richard. There were a lot of books – he would have never guessed she read so much – and musicals DVDs and CDs. On the desk, next to the Mac, were a couple of pictures of them and some of himself, alone. He couldn't help but smile. The love she felt for him was unmistakable and she always showed it.

"You room is really nice," he offered. She took a sit crossed-legs on the bed and patted the blanket next to her. He wasn't sure how a conversation about sex on her bed would end up but took a deep breath and sat down next to her. Their hands immediately searched for each other.

"I'm sorry," he said. "For earlier. Mer, I… I want us to talk about _that_ aspect of our relationship, and I want us to talk freely."

She nodded and chewed on her lip. Her gaze was avoiding his. The moment had finally came… Probably Derek already knew she was a virgin, but she needed to told him anyway.

"Derek, I… Clearly I'm very attracted to you and… I think if we go on that would be something we're going to share but… well, you have to understand… Oh God." She stopped to breath. "Okay, Derek, it's going to be the first time for me. I've never… done anything with a boy before. Just kisses and… Some ass grabbing with Finn but I'm not sure you wanna hear about it."

"Hey, hey, relax," he said, hugging her tightly. "It's okay, baby."

"Are… are you mad at me?" she asked, leaning back a little to look into his eyes.

"Why should I be mad?"

"Because… I don't know how to," she whispered.

"Oh, Meredith," he sighed, and ducked his head down to peck her mouth. "I don't care. It's not about being good or not. When you're gonna give your virginity to someone, it's because of what you feel for the other person and what he feels for you. It's the best gift you can ever give to a man, because no matter how your relationship would end, or who you're gonna have sex with after, you'll always gonna be his forever."

"Don't talk about possibilities," she suggested. "No other man can have my virginity but you," she whispered so softly that for a second he doubted he had heard her right. "I knew it since the first time I realized what the hell I was feeling for you. If you want me, I'm yours."

"Oh, Mer," he breathed. "I don't want to think about any other man having you but me," he confessed. "I want to be your first, but we'll do it slowly. You're gonna be so comfortable with me that you almost won't feel any pain, I swear."

"I love you," she told him impulsively, and reached out to kiss him, making impossible for him to reply. He kissed her back, then leaned back to tell her: "This is why I reacted like that. I didn't know how to act because I didn't want to scare you away… And I pushed you off because you were kissing me and you were so hot… I had an erection."

She blushed deeply but smiled: "Well, I hoped you did." And then again, she was straddling him, her lips on his neck. Derek groaned and let his left hand travel up her thigh. "I love you legs," he told her hotly.

"My parents are both working tonight," she told him, stopping her kisses just for a moment. "Do you wanna stay?"

"Yes," he groaned again. "Of course."

Tentatively, Meredith reached out and pulled off his t-shirt. Quietly, she kissed his chest with slow, wet kisses and Derek thought he had never been so hard, before. He decided two could play at that game: he wasn't going to take her virginity, not that night, not so soon. He needed to be sure about his feelings before, because she needed to hear that he loved her while her first time, but why don't show her how well he could make her feel?

"Mer," he asked softly. "Have you ever had a orgasm?"

Meredith leaned back abruptly. "Well… alone, yes," she confessed, her hands caressing his curls.

"Oh, God," he groaned again, imagining her stroking herself. He helped her to lay down on the bed and asked: "Can I take off your shirt?"

He eyes were bigger than ever but she nodded. "I… I'm not wearing a bra," she informed him.

He smiled: "Well, I'm glad," he confessed. "I want to see your breasts."

"Okay," she nodded again, and Derek knew she was trying to work up the courage. He decided to rip the band aid off and slowly but firmly pulled the old t-shirt off her body.

Meredith was a goddess and her body was pure perfection. Her breasts were little but firm and perky, enough to fill his hands perfectly. Derek immediately tested that, grabbing one gently in his hand and stroking her nipple with his thumb.

She moaned loudly and he groaned: "They have freckles just like I imagined."

He ducked his head down to kiss the top of her breasts and then, tentatively, ran his tongue on the other nipple, testing what she liked. Louder moans were her answers, her head falling back, completely lost in the great pleasure.

Feeling brave, Derek took a nipple fully into his mouth and began sucking, his finger going down, to her center, caressing her trough her panties.

Derek had never had sex with girls who were particularly sensitive. Rose, for example, took forever to orgasm, and he was always concerned that it was because of him. Now, Meredith was a virgin, but he didn't expect her to be so sensitive. After two stroke, her legs were completely opened and she was moaning his name uncontrollably.

"Come, baby," he murmured, stroking her folds and her breasts, peppering her tummy with kisses. "You're so beautiful when you're turned on like this."

Knowing that he was the first man to touch her so intimately was so amazing that when she came, between pants and cries of "Oh, Derek!" he rested his head on her belly, with her hands in his curls. In that moments, he didn't have any doubts.

* * *

 **Sometimes I keep my promises!**

 **Who likes the cover image? I'm very proud of myself. I almost look like an organized person!**


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 _ **I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong**_

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Derek woke up and the first thought crossing his mind was "Where I am?".

Sun shone from the opened window and it was the first strange thing he realized: usually, he closed the curtains because he hated the light coming in. The bed's sheets smelled strongly of lavender and - most awkward and amazing thing - a body was wrapped around his. Meredith's head was tucked under his chin, her tiny arms hugging his waist, her naked breasts pressed against his side; her legs between his. She was snoring, something he already knew, and once in a while a content sigh came from her. Derek had his arms around her, and he hugged her closer. He didn't need to analyze anything. He didn't need to think. He just held her close, breathing deeply in her scent, enjoying waking up with a stunning beauty with just a tiny tong on - a stunning beauty who was also his best friend, a sweet girl deeply in love with him.

Looking closely at her pretty face, relaxed and dreaming, Derek wondered once again if he deserved such a strong love coming from such an amazing person. He remembered how powerful the first crush can be and he was stunned that those amazing emotions were all for him.

Derek knew Meredith was awake when the snoring stopped, she gasped slightly and buried her face in his chest.

"Morning," he murmured, kissing her head. "How did you sleep?"

"You're still here," she stated, without answering the question.

"Of course," he shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He bite her earlobe, lost in thoughts. "You were expecting me to leave?"

"Yes. No? Kind of. I don't know what to think because one second you're here, you're kissing me, you say things... The next one you tell me you don't love me and you don't know how to handle all of this..."

"No, wait -" he said, still not allowing her to leave his hug. "I love you. Of course I do. I'm just not in love with you, yet. But that - the doubts, the guessing - was all before, Mer. I don't have doubts anymore or I won't have put my hands in your panties."

Meredith blushed deeply and buried her face even more in his chest.

"Derek?" she asked after a couple of seconds of silence.

"Yeah, Mer?"

"Can you - can we kiss?"

Derek grinned and took her face between his hands, bringing their faces together. He kissed her passionately, and she immediately responded. Meredith moaned deeply and Derek kissed her neck, going down to her chest. He kissed from her mouth to her chest and then up again, passion burning inside their bones, none of them minding the morning breath.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, kissing her on each eyes and then back on the lips again. Every doubt was forgotten, he just wanted to drool in that moment, in that pleasure, in the sound of her light gasps and breaths.

"You're so handsome," she grinned, playfully squeezing his cheeks in her hands. Grinning with her, he grabbed her ass cheeks and in one moment Meredith was straddling him. She blushed deeply but leaned into kissing him again.

"It's nice... waking up together, I mean," she breathed on his lips.

"It's amazing. But sleeping with you and... the other things we did yesterday. Everything was amazing," he confessed, stroking her hair.

Meredith's face lighted up in a mischievous grin and Derek felt her little hand reaching down, into his boxers. For the first time, Meredith held his manhood in her soft hand. She didn't know what to do, she was trying not to freak out at the thought of having a cock in her hand for the first time. She put together every idea she gathered from books and movies and started stroking it, up and down, her green eyes never leaving his face.

"Mer -" Derek chocked. "Mer, you don't have to do it if you don't want. I can wait."

She silenced him with a kiss: "I want to. I want to make you feel good."

"Oh," he breathed, thrusting his head back into the pillow. "So, so good... Oh, Mer - my Mer..."

Meredith grinned even widely. "Come," she ordered softly, kissing his neck. "Come for me."

"Meredith!" a voice interrupted their morning bliss. "Meredith, honey! Are you home?"

Their faces froze.

"Oh my God," Meredith gasped.

"Fuck! She's gonna kill me!" Derek jumped out of bed, and Meredith reached quickly for a sundress.

"Grab some of my books and sit at the desk," she ordered, opening the door of her room as Derek gasped "Mer, you're crazy! It's morning and I'm in her house, she's gonna take my scalp."

But Meredith was already out of the room, flying down the stairs. Derek could hear her chatting with her mom and after some minutes, he found himself face to face with Ellis Grey. And he was just wearing his boxers and a t-shirt.

"Good morning, Crayon," Ellis greeted, looking at him from head to toes. One of her eyebrows was dangerously high. "Nice outfit."

"Good morning, Chief," he stammered.

 _I spent my night doing dirty things to her daughter. She'll kill me._

"Here, Der, put this on. You need to be comfy since we'll be studying all morning." Meredith appeared at the door and threw at him a pair of shorts.

"Thanks, b- Mer." he bite his tongue. Was he nuts? He had almost called her baby in front of her mother.

"Studying?" Ellis asked. "I would have sworn dr. Nelson was waiting for you a difficult tumor?"

Derek face went white. "Oh my God! Oh God, I forgot!" he grabbed his stuff and stopped in front of Meredith. "Can you keep Summer? Maybe tonight we can walk her if I come back alive."

"Call me," Meredith grinned and Derek smiled back and leaned down to plant a soft kiss on her opened mouth. With that, he left. Only when he was in his car he realized that he had kissed Meredith in Ellis' presence.

He was going to be dead before lunch.

* * *

 **I'll always be sure I was going to be a kickass writer in my life... now I don't know everything so this is what happens: writer's block. I finally got my degree, I visited USA and Paris, I got two more tattoos and now it looks like I can't write anything anymore. Be patient with me, I'll do better.**


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 _ **I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.  
Nothing that I wouldn't do.  
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,  
to make you feel my love.**_

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Derek spent his whole day worrying about Meredith.

He had been _so_ stupid. So incredibly stupid. Ellis had caught them in Meredith's room first thing in the morning and then he had even kissed her goodbye calling her _baby_. For someone who has graduated at Columbia on top of his class, he was an idiot.

The day at work had been terrible, he had spent his six hours shift in the pit. And, cherry on top of the cake, when he had pulled his phone out of his locket at the end of the day to text Meredith and ask her to hang out, he had found a short text from her: _Can't come out tonight. I've been grounded (!). Sorry to keep Summer from you (she misses you, though)._

He replied immediately: _Can I call you?_ And thankfully Meredith texted him back quickly: _Wait 10 mins. She's going out with Richard._

 _Ok, let me go home first. Xxx_

He got home and took his time to shower and collapsing on his bed before texting her again: _Is now a good time? We can even FaceTime._

She didn't reply, she just FaceTimed him immediately. As soon as he hit "Accept" her beautiful face filled the screen. She was make-up free, her hair up in a bun and she was wearing a comfy sweatshirt. To him, she was more beautiful than ever.

"Hey there, pretty girl!" he smirked.

"Hey yourself, handsome man," she flirted back, her face lightening up in a sweet smile.

"Tell me about your mom. I'm so sorry about this morning, I'm a moron."

"It wasn't your fault, I should have put an alarm or something. Anyway, she was livid because she guessed you slept here. She told me to stay home tonight and then she ignored me all day."

"Oh God," he sighed, rubbing his hair. "I guess I'm lucky she wasn't working, today. Did she ask anything about… you know, about…". He blushed and Meredith giggled: "No, thank God she didn't. She just muttered she didn't want to know and I think it's for the best."

Despite everything, they laughed off the tension of the moment.

"I'm sorry, Mer," he told her sincerely a few seconds later, sobering up.

"Not your fault," she replied, smiling. "I just wish you could come over."

"Is it just Summer missing me or anyone else does?" he asked.

She laughed his question off: "You already know the answer, mister!"

"Hey, Mer?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to go out to dinner, tomorrow? It could be our official first date."

Happiness was written all over her face.

"Really? I would like that."

"Perfect," he grinned. "What are you up to, right now? You know, since we can't keep each other company and everything…"

"Summer and I are curling up in bed together doing some reading. I've started _Anna Karenina_ again and I'm enjoying every line like the first time."

"I love that book as well."

"And you? Any program?"

"Nothing, I'll watch some TV and then sleep, I think."

She blushed and didn't reply.

"Why are you so quiet?" Derek asked. "You can tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm gonna miss sleeping with you," she murmured, biting on her bottom lip.

"I wish I could kiss you right now," he confessed, looking straight into her eyes through the iPhone screen.

"Tomorrow," she murmured.

* * *

"Richard? Are you listening?" Ellis hissed.

"Yes honey, I'm listening," Richard replied, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he grabbed Ellis' hand across the table of the small Italian restaurant. "I just don't find it so terrible," he stated, and as soon as he said it, he realized his mistake.

" _What_?!" Ellis yelled. "He was in my daughter's room at nine in the morning! He probably had been in her bed a few minutes before! You should have seen his muffled hair and his satisfied face, and-"

" _Ellis_ ," Richard interrupted her, stressing her name. Ellis was a strong woman, no one in the hospital could even dream to talk when she was talking. But Richard could. Richard's was the only voice she listened to when she was upset.

"Ellis, _love_ ," and this time he stressed the pet name. "I know she's your daughter and I know this must be terrible for you, but beside being a mother, you are a rational and modern woman as well, even if you're acting like we're currently living in 1952. Meredith is twenty years old and Derek is twenty-eight. It's _normal_. Honestly, I'd exclude that Meredith could possibly still be… That she could… Well, that she could still be a virgin and even if she was, Derek is a good guy. Your daughter is in love with him and you know it, like you know that he cares for her as well. We were working and he spent the night. I find it extremely normal."

"You don't have kids," Ellis muttered, pouting.

Ellis Grey pouted just with Richard Webber.

"You know I consider Meredith the daughter I've never had."

"I hate when you're right," Ellis sighed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Guess who got a new job?  
Guess who got a day off for some kind of religious celebration?  
Guess who wrote her hands off?**

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

 _ **I could make you happy  
make your dreams come true…**_

* * *

 **Boston, Massachusetts**

Meredith FaceTimed Addison and put her phone on the desk, hoping to give her friend a nice view of her room. She was a girl on a mission.

"Hey, Mer!" Addison chirped, her face filling the screen. "Ready to get dressed?"

"Yes," she nodded, practically tearing the pjs off her body. "He told me semi formal. What the hell semi formal means?"

"Well, elegant but not too much," Addison guessed. "That's the lingerie you chose?"

"Yes," Meredith grinned, stopping in front of the screen to give Addison the full view of her balcony bra and thong, green lace and see-through.

Addison whistled. "Aren't you bold, for a virgin!"

Meredith showed her tongue at her best friend: "It's La Perla," she pointed up.

" _La Perla_?! I don't think everyone ever worn La Perla for Derek."

"He never dated rich," Meredith shrugged and Addison busted into laughers: "You're such a snob bitch!"

"We have an issue," Meredith declared when they stopped laughing. She held out a black and white silk dress. "This one?"

"You can do better," Addison snorted. "Which issue? Anyway, I love your hair like this. On webcam it's even better than the selfie you sent me."

"Thanks," Meredith grinned. "Anyway, if he asks me to sleep over what the hell do I tell my mom? Leave it to her to be at home the only night I have the most important date of my life."

"Uhm," Addison bit her bottom lip. "Yes, this is an issue. I guess you just have to stay late and then go home."

"I guess so, too," Meredith pouted. And then: "Found it!" she screamed. "I found the perfect dress!".

* * *

Perfectly on time, Derek parked next to Meredith's door. He thought about honking but it would have been ride so he got off and rang the doorbell.

He bit back a groan when Ellis in the flesh opened the door. Why wasn't she working? It was going to be beyond embarrassing picking Meredith up for their date in front of her terrible mother.

"Dr.- Derek," Ellis grimaced. She was doing it for Meredith but it was difficult, he could tell how much. "Come in, I guess."

She guessed? How polite. He had to fight the urge to roll his eyes, but thank God, as soon as he got inside he spotted Richard on the couch.

"Hey, Derek," he grinned, greeting him with kindness. Derek realized he had Summer on his lap, but as soon as she heard his voice, the puppy jumped down the couch to go greet him.

"Hello, dr. Webber," Derek smiled, and then he got on his knees. "Hey baby! How are you?" he petted the dog, who was furiously licking his hands. "Are you gonna stay in tonight? Uh? Daddy is bringing mommy out for dinner." He rubbed the little dog's head, but at the mommy and daddy comment he heard Ellis make a throat noise and he got up.

"Is Meredith ready?" he asked with a smile, and the reply she got was Meredith calling: "Der!"

She ran down the stairs and when Derek spotted her, he had to control his reaction because Meredith didn't look beautiful: she looked _freaking amazing_.

She was wearing a golden sleeveless romper with a pair of nude high-heeled sandals and a nude clutch. Her legs looked even longer than usually and her breasts looked fuller. And her hair – "Mer! Did you cut your hair?"

Her hair was shorter – until two days ago they had been wavy and mid-back, now it was shoulders length and it had bangs.

She looked older and hotter, exactly when he had been sure she couldn't look more beautiful.

"Yes," she grinned. She hugged him and kissed his cheek quickly. "Ready to go?"

"I am," he smiled, looking into her eyes. She had a light make up on but her lips were bare and full. Derek couldn't wait to have her alone to kiss the living daylight out of her.

Meredith kissed both Ellis and Richard, Derek said his hello and suddenly they were alone.

"How was work?" she asked as soon as they got in the car.

"Fine, but long and boring. I was in the pit all day but nothing interesting came in."

"You mean nothing neuro," she smiled widely.

"Exactly," he confirmed laughing and reached out to rub her knee.

"And how was your day?"

"Good. Reading, studying, walking Summer and choosing the outfit for tonight."

"Speaking of the outfit, have I told you how beautiful you look?"

"Not yet," she smirked. "You were too terrified by my mom."

"I was not, and you're mean."

"You were too," Meredith grinned.

"Well, maybe a little," he gave in.

"Now he admits it!"

"You love me anyway."

"I do," Meredith said softly after a pause of a couple of seconds.

It was Derek's turn to grin.

He drove downtown, parked the car and turned to Meredith.

"Hi," he said, stroking her cheek.

"Hi, mister," she said, her voice a velvet murmur. Immediately, it was too hot in the car.

"Do not ever talk to me in that tone in front of your mother," he told her, his eyes dark with passion.

She shove her fingers in his hair: "Why?"

"Because I'm already hard," he confessed, and he kissed her, long and deep, hard and wet, devouring her lips, his hand grabbing the back of her neck.

"You're so hot," he said against her lips. "I love your hair like this. I might be obsessed."

Meredith giggled. "Do we have reservations? Should we go in?"

"In a minute," he said and reached into his jeans pocket. "I have something for you. You know, instead of flowers."

Derek gave her a small box and Meredith ran her finger on the Troll Beads logo.

"Open up," he grinned. She did so and in the box she found a regular bracelet with three charms.

"I wanted to give you one of those because my sister Amelia says it is special because it tells your story," he explained, picking up the bracelet and putting it on Meredith's delicate wrist. "This one says our story," he went on softly. "See the apple charm? That one is for New York, the place we met. The second one is a dog and it represents our Summer; and the last one, well, it's a couple and it's us."

He searched her eyes: "Do you like it?"

Meredith raised her face and her eyes were full of tears. "This is beautiful," she whispered. "No, it's amazing. It's the most romantic thing ever." And she grinned, tears and everything. "Thank you, Derek," and with her hand still in his hair she pulled his head to hers and kissed his mouth sweetly and passionately.

"I love you," she murmured on his lips, because in that moment she couldn't not tell him. She felt the happiest girl in the world when Derek kissed her with all the passion he had.


End file.
